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Advice about getting married!!
So i am engaged and have been for 6 months now. My fiance is currently in boot camp. My first thing is ive been freaking out about is " what if he doesn't love me when he comes home and is he still gonna love me and want to get married after boot camp and after he heres stories from his instructors and what not?"
my second thing is.. i wanted to have a small wedding at the court house and get married before he left for boot camp that way when he got his first orders and what not all the paper work would be done and things would be taken care of but he didnt want to and my parents wouldnt let us because of my financial aid for college. well ive been talking to 2 friends that are both in the navy ( ones been in for almost 2 years and the other just finished boot camp almost 3 weeks ago) well both of them have been telling me that we HAVE to and SHOULD get married before he gets his first set of orders because if he gets his first set of orders and they are over seas and he is NOT married and "single" then they will send him over seas but if he is married that he will stay in the US. is this true? and were already waiting for a year and 6 months to have the wedding but should i talk to him when he is done with boot camp and see about him getting it approved for us to get married while he is in A school? or even on like christmas leave this year at like the court house? The more negative stuff i hear about this the more it freaks me out and worries me that it could take even longer to get married and i dont want to keep waiting and waiting and waiting and then it not happen or whatever.
can someone please help me out and answer some of my questions! thank you so much ladies!!
Views: 493
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by mmaya1109 on
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Hey :) I have the exact same question my man has been out of bootcamp for a couple months and he gets to take a leave before he goes to his ship and I'm just scared I want it more than he does and ppl hav told him bad stories too and not hav a wife yet idk wat to do :( we almost got married but at the last min they didn't let him come home and now that he does idk if he still wants to.....
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Permalink Reply by Courtney on
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just talk to him about then.. i dont know much about military and how the whole wedding thing works so hopefully someone can answer these questions for us!
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Permalink Reply by abuon18 on
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Courtney- first of all he will still love you when he gets out of boot camp! I completely understand why you have those fears because you can't talk to him & see him & have him tell you every day. But once you get that first letter all those fears will disappear.
About getting married... The best thing is to get married while he is in A school but it has to be before he gets his orders. If you're not on his orders & he gets set overseas you definitely won't be able to go. Actually even if he is married he could still get sent overseas & unless he's at least an E-4 you still won't be able to go. Even if he's an E-4 or above & gets sent overseas there is a lot of paperwork & approval you need to be allowed to go with him. They typically don't allow many dependents on overseas bases because they're smaller & costs more to move them.
But no matter what, if you are married before he gets his orders & you're on them the Navy will pay for you to move, he'll get BAH and also separation pay while he's deployed. Also all the benefits like insurance. Honestly it makes the most sense from a logical standpoint to get married as soon as possible but ultimately it's up to what you & him decide is best for your relationship. Some woman have decided to stick it out & plan the wedding they want instead of the quickie courthouse wedding because it just wasn't what they wanted. It sucks right now since he's in boot camp & you can't talk to him about it but trust me you really have nothing to freak out about. -
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Permalink Reply by amwest0713 on
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very encouraging and nice to hear.
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and we will see if he will want to get married during A school because chances are he wont want to! I dont wanna wait any longer then i have to! i have my dress and all which sucks but i would like to be married before so that i am on his orders and not waiting even longer and longer and longer to be married. guess we will see when we get to talk about it...
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Courtney-you said below that he probably won't want to get married in A school. Have you two already discussed a date and is there a reason he would want to wait?
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we had it set for june 2nd 2012 but that going to be wayyy to close to him being done with school if he goes the 6 months. but now we dont have a date.. and not just that he is stubborn but maybe when he finds out that if im not on his orders and all that it will change his mind about things.. which i hope it does
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Well since you're just finding this out then I can promise you they are not telling him this information in boot camp. I know how much it sucks but the best thing to do is write him a letter letting him know what you've found out & ask him what he thinks you should do. You can get married in the courthouse to make it legal then have the wedding you really want later on. That's what me & my fiance are doing. Luckily we found out this information before he left for boot camp which has helped in our decision, but he is NOT getting out of my dream wedding that easily haha (I'm a wedding planner! I LIVE for the day I can plan my own lol) the other thing about Navy weddings-if you are planning on a big fairy tale wedding, reception, etc just know it will have to be flexible! First he has to get leave approved... Then it could be un-approved anyway or the date could change. There is a group on here, weddings-future brides, I suggest you search for it & join if you & your fiance would like the big white wedding those girls will have some good advice for you!
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thanks and i just talked to my mom about it and she doesnt really say much about it shes just like if he even still wants to get marriedd.. and when she says that it hurts me inside and freaks me out like is he gonna change his mind or what? im so worried hes not gonna love me anyone after he is done with boot camp cause he will be seeing all these other girls around him.. but i could be wrong. hes pretty loyal and wouldnt do that to me id hope.. i mean i keep reminding myself and telling myself why would he propose and put a ring on my finger if he didnt love me?
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Like I said before its easy to feel so insecure when he's not around to tell you & show you & reassure you every day. When mine left it was really hard... He didn't get to send his form letter with everyone else it went out the next week because of a mix up. So I kept seeing everyone else get there form letter & still nothing, he was sending it to his parents & I was so paranoid like did he tell them he doesn't want me to come to pir? Is that why they haven't told me his information yet? Then his div sent out their first letters & even his parents got one but I didn't so I was SURE it meant he didn't love me anymore.. We're girls we overthink & we're silly! I finally got his first letter & trust me bootcamp has made him love me & appreciate me more! I wish I could make you feel better but really you won't until you hear it from him. But I can tell you that him being in bootcamp is not going to make him not want to be with you! If anything it will make him even more sure of his decision to marry you.
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and thats what i keep hearing from everyone is that its only going to make us stronger and he will love me even more then when he left..this is def a big hard step in life.. when he left he didnt understand why i was crying so hard and freaking out about him leaving but its because ive never been sooo in love with someone and have to be away from them for a long period of time..its just heart wrenching..i know all i can do is wait for his letter though..
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Permalink Reply by meagan5220 on
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If you both know you for sure want to get married then yes do it in A School. At least a month or so before his orders will get cut. Bc you have to get in the system as married to get the move paid for. My husband was told when abts to expect his not all rates are the same and even some rates have hold times at some points and none at others just they way the Navy is.
Thats what My husband and I did. I went to FL we got married in A school and that was that. :) My move to our temp place wasnt paid for but our COH will be paid for (unique situation :) lol) If not you will end up paying for a move by yourself, which is pretty pricey or selling all your stuff and taking your car and buying all new stuff still pricey. Dont worry about it all yet honestly. My husband and I didnt talk about it until his call after battlestations by that time I was alreay halfway to Chicago for his PIR. They cant get married as soon as they get to their A School they have to put in a chit (special request to do so) which can take awhile to go through and most places they have to be able to leave the base during the week (all A schools have slightly different rules about what they can do in what phase.) If you know where he will be headed find a group for that school and ask the girls there how they did it what they had to do etc. Look up info abt where you will be doing it, if you did. Make sure you have all the info when you talk to him. But during BC my husband told me it made him realize even more he couldnt live without me. But they also need to focus on BC not wedding plans. Get all the information and talk to him at PIR weekend. He will be on hold when he gets to A school anyways (they dont start right away) and depending on what school and rate you have time to get it sorted out. :)
just bc they are married doesnt mean they wont get overseas it does happen unfortunately.
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