Discharging from Boot camp question....

[Squeekerz]

I tried this somewhere else, but the people who responded just started attacking my fiances character....  Saying they could never respect him for wussing out... among other not so nice things. =\

 

Well, my question is, how likely could it be for my fiance to be discharged from the Navy?  Right now he has 5 fractures in his shins, and he has made up his mind that the Navy life is not the one he can be happy in.  He wants to be with his family as much as possible.    They told him stories of men not being able to see family for years... but to us even months is hard.  He wants to start a family and be happy....  and can't see the Navy helping with that, especially with my emotional instability.  I'm sure he's been scared while at boot camp, because I tend to freak out emotionally a lot.  Dern disorders. Hahaha.

 

Well.. with his injuries, I'm wondering if he'd be able to be discharged.  He has apparently talked about it with people there, since he knows there are things they will not let him take home after being discharged, and that it could take anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months.  

 

Please don't question his or my character here...  He's apparently made up his mind, even with all my encouragement, telling him I'd support him no matter what.. (even though that's not how I felt a lot of the time...)   I just want to know if it's POSSIBLE... and how long you think it'd take...

[Craig]

Believe me, I am as Pro-Navy as they come. I truly hopes he does get discharged.    All he needs to do is tell the Navy that he is gay.  The "Don't ask, Don't tell" is still in effect and he can get a discharge for that.  Most big companies can accept a guy that is gay, but they won't accept a quitter.  It just doesn't fit what most companies want.  They will think he will quit on them too.  It's just the facts of our society... 

 

If your fiance is giving up on things that are easy, what happens when things actually gets hard?  Think about if you are married, would he give up that easy too? 

 

I truly would not want someone who doesn't want to be in the Navy serving next to my son. I want whoever that person is, to be fully committed to the Navy, and to protect my son, as he would protect them. 

 

Life at bootcamp is just like a train. You have three options:
1. Stand on the railroad tracks and get run over - Which means, you try to stop the process. You can't stop the process, so go with it.

2. You can move off the track and watch the train pass you up - Which means, while your friends move ahead in life and learning the Navy to be successful in their careers, you are standing to the side wondering what you should do next. Basically, get with the program. If 50,000 recruits can pass each year, what make you any different from them?

3. Hop on the train and go with it - By this, I mean, whatever the program is, do your best. If at the end of the day you can say "I did my best today", then you have done your job. Everyone in life has a "Weak Link", there is always something you will have trouble with. Learn to overcome those problems and continuing moving down the track.

 

Just my thoughts.... Not an attack.....

 

 

[Squeekerz]

I'm pretty sure it isn't some awful thing that he wants to leave boot camp because he realizes military life isn't appropriate for the way he wants to raise his family... where he's around them all the time...  It's not because it's "hard" but because he's being realistic. Isn't it better he get discharged now, when he's injured and won't heal for months, rather than trying to bail out later, when he has gone through A-school and is stationed somewhere they need him?   And I don't understand how him leaving for family means he'd leave his family for no reason.  That kind of defeats the purpose of trying to be with us, don't you think?

 

It is becoming quite frustrating that the only responses people want to give are ones that talk about my fiance as though he's an awful person.  I'm asking how likely it is that he can get discharged, without lying to them.  He is quite capable of "sucking it up" and finishing basic training... though it would probably be 3 more months because of the fractures in his legs.  I don't think that means he SHOULD though.  The military isn't for everyone, and I don't understand why so many people want to consider someone a lesser person just because they realize it isn't something they can be committed to.

[Sonia 02/928]

my son just finish bootcamp  he love it  ..  your character is tested..  the navy must know that when the it gets hard  you can not quit ...because someone else life maybe on the line ...  i dont think he is a quiter  but i'm glad that he realize that this is not for him.. i would not  want a shipmate  that is not 100% commited to the navy to be there  ..  and put my son in harms way .. i'm glad he realize that now...   millitary life is  a great life full of ups and down  but its all worth it  for the liberties  that we have...  NO ONE STRONGER THAN A MILITARY  WIFE OR FAMILY

[Joy125 (FC Mom)]

Squeekerz,

 

I think you are going to have a hard time finding anyone that supports this decision....not because he doesn't want to be in the Navy.....that's his choice.......but most see it as breaking a commitment.....not honoring a promise.  No one looks down on anyone who has tried and failed, but given an opportunity that so many would give their right arm for, and throwing it away.....well, it's understandable why so many have a problem with that.  And if he does quit, remember that it will follow him for life, and could affect future employment.  

I am going to throw this out there and say that you both need some counseling before any big decisions are made.  It would have been better to have done that before he enlisted.....but that's neither here nor there.   You sound like an intelligent person......I find it hard to believe that you guys didn't consider the fact that he would be away for months at a time before he signed up.  I don't know how long he signed up for but 4-6 years of your life is nothing in the grand scheme of things.  I remember telling my son when he called me from boot camp 15 years ago.....he was having a rough time and wanted to quit........."Son, if you think it's rough now, tell them you want to quit and see how rough it gets!".  I'm saying this for your boyfriend's sake.....it could cause more harm than good.  

Good luck to you both no matter your decision.  Most people that you feel are attacking you are trying to give constructive advise;  not agreeing does not necessarily mean an attack......just want you both to think long and hard before he makes that decision, and consider all the consequences.  

[Squeekerz]

Thank you.  This kind of post isn't what bothers me.  It's when people resort to saying such things as, "Well I hope he IS discharged" and things like that.   Someone was literally insulting him last night, and they don't even know him.  They said they had no respect for him, that he was scum under her boot, etc etc etc.  I was thinking, "well, gee, that helps a lot."

 

I admit, there was a total lack of research going on.  He didn't do any at all, and neither did I because I just wanted to believe him when he said "Trust me."  Also, his father was in the Navy, so I assumed he let him know how it'd be after boot camp.  Apparently he didn't though.

 

I was ready for the occasional going out on a ship...  but I don't know if I'm strong enough for that anymore.  I never expressed any of that to my fiance though.  I urged him to look inside himself and not to quit if it was truly something he wanted to do.  It being difficult in boot camp isn't the problem though...  He just looks at the future and has realized he needs us in it.

 

I'm pretty sure he's trying to get medically discharged though, if he can. The fractures are apparently very painful and are going to take so long to heal anyway... 

[bluesunshyne]

I saw you post this on another board and wanted to answer you, but didn't because of the people there. When I was being separated in 2008 I met a girl in the separation compartment (SEPs/Ship 17/Ship 5 I think now) who did the same thing. She started off with shin splits which progressively got worse. She was sent to REU but I'm not sure how long she was there, (she arrived to GL about a month before and got to SEPs about a week before me) and her shin splits traveled into her femurs and disabling her to a point where she could barely walk. I think she still has trouble walking. So long story short, yes he could get discharged for this.

 

But coming from personal experience, I regret getting discharged and have since I got to ship 17. So much so that I am process of going back in and will be going to MEPs in a couple of weeks to retake my physical and hopefully pick a job. One thing I learned from friends who are still in the navy is that being out in the fleet is completely different than boot camp. If he can stick it out and graduate I think he might have a different outlook on the Navy

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

My sailor was injured last year in bootcamp at week 5 day 1.  He only had 2 1/2 weeks of training to finish up.  He really wanted to quit more than once while in RCU.  It was hard, it was excrutiating, it was ridiculous!  He was beat up and beat down.  He lost all faith in himself and the Navy.  Talked about how much he missed us and his WIFE of 1 month.

 

If military service were easy, anybody could do it and everyone would want to.  It takes an extreme level of commitment and a bottomless reserve.  When self confidence is lost, it is difficult to get back.  My sailor did find his, partly because we "tough loved" him.  We told him that he could NOT come back home (he had already been in college and an apartment on his own) he'd have to beg for his old factory job back and find a way to get a place for them to live and with 9% unemployment, good luck with that!!  Plus he'd have to look his older brother in the eye and tell him that he gave up. (older brother has CP and would sell his soul to be in the military).  If he kept trying, digging in and fighting, we'd support him in any way but to just give up, NO WAY!  He thought for a time that the Navy was a mistake, but that was because just getting out of boot was way harder than it was supposed to be.

 

He's been in SC a year now and has graduated A school and is graduating Power School next week, is an E4 and has taken the E5 exam (knowing he wouldn't get E5 but said that the only way to advance is to show initiative).  Talking about when he makes "Chief" one day.

 

That was said to say this:  bootcamp is a strange place for the everyday person.  You are not allowed to "think" for yourself but the learn the Navy way.  It may seem stupid, but there is a reason, when your buddies rely on you to do your job, they all have to be trained to do it the same.  Regulations and procedures must be followed.  Family does NOT matter, homesick does NOT matter, injured or sick does NOT matter what you signed on to do for the Navy and what the Navy has promised to do for you is the only thing that matters.

 

It's a huge commitment but not for everyone.  It's hard, my sailor sees his wife a couple of hours in the evenings and on Saturdays.  They make their time together count and he's not even with the fleet yet. The commitment must come from the sailor, his/her family and spouse.

 

If he just can't seem to find it in himself to see it through, then it's time to accept a discharge, which will most likely be medical (if he cannot heal) or due to depression and his record will reflect that.  Just be prepared.  If he stays in or gets discharged, either way it won't be easy.

 

Hoping all goes well for the both of you.

[Squeekerz]

Thank you.  It's so hard to know if I should try to give him tough love when I, myself, am not very strong.  I don't want to give up if deep down he'll regret it... but I don't want him to stay in (if he can get out)  if he'll regret THAT decision. You know what I mean?  I don't want to feel pushy either way, so it's hard. =/

 

I really, really admire all those that are so strong.  I never realized how much commitment it took to be enlistment.  Then again, I never really thought about it.   I appreciated what they were doing, but I didn't understand how much sacrifice was truly made.  I hope your sailor surprises himself and passes that exam!! :P

 

[Angie]

If he gets out from bootcamp, he will have to take care of his medical issues.  Let him know he can talk to the Chaplain on base, about what his choices are and what can be done.  If he really wants out of the Navy, he needs to let it be known to the Chaplain and his doctor's.  I am also very Pro-Navy, and Craig isn't being mean...he is being honest and I agree with him.  I would rather see your loved one separated now before he becomes a Sailor.  Why???  You are correct the military isn't for everyone and it would be better for everyone for someone who isn't cut out for the military to leave now.  I have been in spots where my life depends on the person next to me and if that person freaks out I could be dead.

 

I am not slamming your or your loved one..

 

Please make sure you are taking care of you also!  This must be very hard for you, stay strong.

[Squeekerz]

See, the way you worded everything doesn't come across mean in the least.  I think out of passion for what they're trying to say, people don't exhibit the best wording.  Saying "I wouldn't want him serving next to my sailor" is rather harsh.  And when I responded earlier, I wasn't referring specifically to what Craig said.  There were others that actually used the words, "He's scum under my boot" because he was even thinking of leaving bootcamp.  I actually thought it would be better for him to leave if because if he forced himself to stay and truly didn't want to be there, I'm sure a lot of mistakes would be made and that just would be awful.  So, I agree with you.  If he doesn't truly want to be there, he shouldn't be.  I just haven't been able to understand how that makes him an awful person...

In any case, I'm not sure what he's said to the Chaplain and doctors.  He told me he was going to ask them if he could be discharged.  He didn't say if he actually did yet.  And when you say he'll have to take care of his medical issues, does that mean he'll have bills from the Navy, or he'll have to take care of everything that happens after he's discharged?

 

My biggest question definitely is....  What's the soonest they would discharge him?

 

[Craig]

Squeekerz - The easiest way out of boot camp is completing the program.  You will find that your recruit will not be discharge until at least past his orginal PIR date as a minimum.  The Navy does this so it doesn't encourage other sailors think they can take the easy way out.  They actually tell the recruits this on the 1st days of boot camp.

You should help him and you need to check if he's qualifed for Obama's new heath care plan that  allow people to keep health insurance till they're 26yo.  I don't think he's qualifed now since he went into the Navy, but, I'm not 100% positive.  Health care is one of his major concerns if he is discharged.  Time to do the research now. 

 

 

[Squeekerz]

His original PIR date is next week.

Why is health care his major concern?  Because of the fractures?  Just curious.