Meet with recruiter and some concerns

[SEF]

Hi all! My husband and I met with a recruiter last week and had mixed reviews. There are so many pros to having my husband join- traveling, financial security, opportunities for my husband professionally and I can go back to school without going into further debt. There are cons- missing family, deployments, not exactly knowing where we will be, length of service... But the biggest concern is the culture of the navy. Im sorry if this offends folks but its a genuine concern and i need to know- My husband and I are fairly liberal in our views and tend be very open in our thoughts but we don't push or talk about views publicy. It's a personal choice that we keep to ourselves. Our recruiter was very outspoken on her very conserative views and threw them down our throats. I'm not saying you can't have those views (different opinions push the world to be a better place) but I don't necessarily want to be around very outspoken and vulgar talk (no matter if you are liberal or consrvative) Also, I've heard the saying, "cursing like a sailor" but this recruiter took it to the next level. Dropping all sorts of terms and language that I'm not comfortable with. Im no saint and have used curse words myself but this was a little much. My husband and I are wondering if this type of talk and and attitude was the norm of the navy or if its just our recruiter. Even with all the pros, would we be absolutely miserable in our everyday life if we are surrounded by this type of culture? We really want to join the navy but we don't want to isolated and alone... Let me know your experiences with the navy culture! I need guidance and any info would be greatly appreciated.

Also she said as an officer wife, my only job should be throwing parties and looking after the enlisted wives. I don't want to be seen just as an officer wife.., I have my own life, hobbies and thoughts. I went to school and got good grades and I don't want to be seen as some snotty officer wife who does. Nothing but throws great parties. I'm having a really hard time swallowing that aspect. Is this true? Is that I'll be seen as good for? Am I just seen as dependent to my husband who I blindly oblige?


Ohhh man all the questions and concerns in my head... Let me know your thoughts and tell it too me straight.

[SEF]

She is not an officer but I believe she is training to be a medical recruiter (which is the field My husband is going into). There no officer recruiters just enlist recruiter offices in our city.

Is this a culture thing or a single personality?

[SEF]

But regardless of the title-officer or enlisted-is it the norm to act like that?

[navymom2013]

Sometimes recruiters are not the best representatives of the United States Navy itself, sorry to say.  Some tell little white lies and others big ones.  Both my father and mother and now my son and brother are in the Navy.  It is a very professional environment, they know their stuff and train well.  A Navy representative should not cuss like a sailor.  They get in big trouble for doing so.  I am sorry to hear that you had that experience.  It should be an honor to be a Sailor or Officer of the US Navy.  .  PS - Speak to another recruiter.  Do not be deterred by anyone in what you want to do. You, as a Navy wife, are your own separate entity but part of the Navy family -  that supports your husband's decision to better your lives and serve your country. ( You will never stand alone)   Good Luck in your decision.

[SEF]

Thank you all for the responses. I'm hearing that our recruiter is not a great representation of the navy. Do you all have any insights that you wish someone would have told you about before joining?

[Knicky (Ship14Div351)]

Alright, my husband is not an officer, he chose to go in enlisted and then apply for officer later. We both have college degrees (I am finishing my Masters now) and we both come from military families. I grew up in the military (Army for me though I have lots of experience with Navy and Air-force after my Dad went into government work). My dad was and Officer.

And I can say that the answer is YES and NO. You WILL get a lot of hassle from being an Officer wife from the enlisted wives. Many enlisted wives may treat you differently though not necessarily rudely but you ARE different. Some will outright avoid you because they believe that whatever they say and do will reflect badly on their enlisted husbands if they "goof up" or saying something "stupid" with the belief that you will tell your husband who may have an influence over their next promotion review. The way they see it, better safe than sorry and just try to avoid you. Even if it's not true, and even if you do keep personal life and business life apart they may still view you like this simply because this is the way an Officer wive (and officer life) is portrayed...its a HUGE stereotype but then, stereotypes tend to hold a grain of truth.

You will expected to go to parties and host parties as an officers wife but it won't be an every week ordeal. The only big parties you MUST go to happen about twice a year and these are usually for promotions and the like. Otherwise you aren't really expected to show up to every party even if they do have them. My family only went to three a year, the two promotion parties and the Christmas party...it was always a lot of fun though and its usually not just Officers that go though they do have those. You won't be requires to go but you are expected to go to show support for your husband.

I have met wonderful officers that didn't care about rank so much and I have met real a-holes who treated enlisted like crap. And I myself (I served 4 years active in the Army) once had an officers wife walk all the way across the street to let me know the reveille was playing and that I should DROP my grocery bags, take off my cap, and salute...I was 8 months pregnant with 4 bags in each hand...it is military standard that a pregnant woman does not have to stop in this situation. I told her as much and continued on only to get a call from my commanding officer the next day. His wife told him about me and she was pissed...he didn't really care though and told me just to walk faster next time (LMAO).

As for the language, yeah...it happens. Sorry to say but I cursed like a sailor after being in for a year. It is part of the culture especially when you are enlisted and I will  not say that I never heard and officer curse up a storm either. I heard it all the time, sometimes it was even directed at me. But really they aren't allowed to curse anymore and if your uncomfortable you should just say so! In fact, I would put in a complaint and find another recruiter (an officer recruiter would be best).

Like I said, my husband is also going to go Officer eventually and I already know what to expect about the life of an officer wife and family. It's not as bad as it sounds and most of it is just fluff...just let everyone know up front that your YOU and not your husband. You should get along fine with everyone so long as you keep true to yourself!