My daughter arrived at BC 2 days ago feels like an eternity

[katysmom]

So, this is my first introductory post to this amazing support group.  Thank goodness my daughter told me about you guys before she left, she knew I'd need :)

My daughter was born when I was 17 years old, we have been inseparable ever since.  She is my best friend and I'm used to doing everything with her and now she's gone.  I am walking around in a haze of fear, sadness, worry, concern....I keep going over in my head what she's doing if she's scared, regretful, hurting (if she got her wisdom teeth pulled out), exhausted...just filled with constant debilitating thoughts.  I can't concentrate for work, I just started being able to eat a little today, I cry regularly...I hate who I am right now.  I'm known for being upbeat and happy and I now feel isolated, alone and heart-broken.

I have a son who's a freshman in high school who I put on a relatively strong facade for, he's doing great with it, even though he and his sister have always been quite close.  He told me I shouldn't be sad that's she gone away, because she'll be back eventually, he's very analytical...such a strong kid.  

My fiance just doesn't get it and is growing inpatient with my lack of attention/emotion I have for him, even though it's been a few days.  I tried to explain I just feel like I have nothing left to give right now and am trying to reassure him I'll pick myself up emotionally soon, but I feel caved in right now.

Any help and/or guidance will be so greatly appreciated.

[katysmom]

Thank you for sharing your story with me Wyobraskamom.  "Mourning" is a perfect description and I'm so glad you said you felt that way, because I too feel that I am mourning my daughter.  Congratulations on your son's graduation/PIR.  That's hard to hear that it takes so long to feel better, but I'm so happy to hear that you get to speak to your son regularly while he's in A school, that gives me something to focus on.  Again, thank you for sharing your experience it has helped and validated my feelings.

[Wyobraskamom]

Glad it helped!  If you need anything just let me know!  You can always friend me if you want to send me a private message too.  Hang in there!  Each day that passes means your daughter is one day closer to graduation!

[Brenda]

Like it was mentioned in the other posts, you are not alone!  I was very sad when our only son went off to boot camp this past January.  For the first several days, I cried when I saw some of his clothing, smelled his cologne, or saw anything that reminded me of him.  The good news is...it will get easier!  Especially when the letters start coming.  They can't mail letters every day so our son would write every day and then send 2 or 3  letters in one envelope.  Even though they weren't real long, at least he told us what he was doing and how he was doing, which helped to alleviate alot of fears. We took turns writing letters so that he would get a letter every day.  The phone calls are few and far between so the letters are the lifeline!  Make sure your letters are upbeat and encouraging so that you aren't making your daughter sad or discouraged.

Our son is still at Great Lakes for A school.  He will be done June 6 and will be going to San Diego for C school, which means we will be on opposite ends of the country...we live in NC.  Although we still miss him, we are extremely proud of him and all that he has accomplished. 

This site was a HUGE help and encouragement to me.  They answered all of my questions about everything!  Just stay connected with the other moms and it will help you get through this time.

 

Brenda from NC

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

katysmom - Please stay strong for your daughter!  What a beautiful job you did raising her and from so young.  You should be proud of yourself!! All of us are different with how we handle things, but are so similar too.  I was very prepared the first couple weeks, knowing not to expect any news. They say..No news is good news...after two weeks, I started having more trouble and then close to 3 weeks I got my first letter and just a day or so after 3 weeks, I got my first call (9 mins). We all understand how you must feel. I wish I could be of more help, I miss my son, but I know this is something he really wants to do and I totally support him.  Hang in there....It will get better in time...

[katysmom]

Thank you kathyrc!

[Anneliese]

Katysmom,

Hi, I totally understand you. My son left on Wednesday. It was the second hardest day of my life. The only other day more difficult was my father's funeral. I am so proud of my son and I know entering the Navy was great decision, but I miss him so much. I too cannot eat, I am walking around in a fog....I feel numb. I keep pulling my car to one side of the driveway so he has enough room for his car. That is silly I know, but I cannot help myself. He put his car at his dad's house before he left. So, when I do not see his car in my driveway, I tell myself, "Oh he is at his dads and will be home soon." Thank God for my friends and daughter. She is a  freshman in high school and misses her brother. I think that was the first time I have ever seen her so broken hearted.

Then I feel terrible for the rest of my family because I am not excited about our moving or upcoming vacation. All I can feel is sadness and depression. My fiance told me I was acting like he died and was over reacting. Needless to say, i did not have much to say to him for a while.

This website is so helpful. As soon as I read what you wrote, I realized Iam not alone. That is extremely comforting. I believe our sadness is normal. Also, I think it is indicative of having great relationships with our children. I am here for you. It sounds as though we have a lot in common. Hope to hear from you soon!

[katysmom]

Annelisse:

It is true, it is an indication of how close of a relationship we have with our child.  That's a great way to think about, we obviously have done a great job at establishing our close bond with them while we had them.  With that we can remember all the times we spent with them.  That can be difficult right now, I sit in my daughter's chair outside on the patio, know she sat there, even when opening up the front door,m when I touch the door nob I know her hand has touched that....passing by location we went together, taking walks we walked together...but I'm happy to hear your have a daughter (she's the same age as my son/a freshman), I wake up and put one foot in front of the other for him, he is my strength right now.

It amazes me how similar all our experiences are here, it too helps me to not feel alone or crazy for feeling the way I do.  Maybe our kids are in the same division together, when I get the "form letter" I'll post what div she's in :)

[Lynn-ship4div223]

My daughter leaves Monday for Basic and I am trying to keep up the brave momma front. It's getting tougher by the minute to fight my tears. My daughter and I are also very close. Reading your post I have an idea of what I may go through. Thank you for posting it. Good luck to you, your family, and most important your daughter.

[JessicaB-Sailor Mom]

Lynn---make sure she takes an activated calling card and knows how to use it and can take her cell to use along the way and make the last call!!

 

[katysmom]

Absolutely, I will never let her know how much I'm hurting...I would never want her to worry or be  distracted, it's all about her and supporting her as well as being strong and letting her know how much I believe in her...well I'll do that as soon as I can send her letters :(

[katysmom]

Lynn, I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you today.  Take today off if you can and just relax after you send your daughter loving off to start her new adventure.  I did and it was much needed.  And come to this site often, post whatever you're feeling, the woman here are amazing and have helped me so very much. 

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

Lynn06 - When my son left, I was very emotional the whole week ahead. I was trying so hard to put on a good front and did not want to cry in front of him...I didn't. My voice cracked a couple times, but I waited to cry till after he left. There was so much I wanted to tell him, but knew I would never get through it without crying. I decided to write him a note or letter and gave it to him in a card a day or two before he left. He thanked me for it and I think it's just what worked for us. Somehow you will find the strength and then just be prepared to not have contact for about 3 weeks.  If you stay busy and know that in advance, sometimes it helps.  Take care and enjoy the weekend....