Waves of emotion

[go-dawgs-go]

Yesterday was my son's shipping date to basic training. My husband and I went to the MEPS to see his final swearing in ceremony. I'm so glad we did. He was the ONLY recruit shipping out yesterday. We were the only ones in the ceremony, so it was extra special. We sat with him while he ate his final meal in Seattle (the boxed MEPS lunch), and then sat with him for a while in the waiting area. There were lots of other recruits in there, but they were there for testing, etc. It was comforting to watch him interact with the other guys in that room. I know he will make some friends while away at boot camp. When we asked him whether he wanted us to go to the airport and sit with him there, he said that no, he would be fine, and he wanted to try to sleep. I think all these extended goodbyes have been hard on him. When we said goodbye at the MEPS office, I held it together until he went in for a second hug from me. 

My son made this choice to join the Navy in order to help pay for his schooling. Although we had always planned on helping him with college, and we have for the past year or so, we've had some medical catastrophes, so we simply aren't able to help him any more. His dream was to go to a creative arts school for acting, and now he's put that on hold so that he can do this to finance it. I have so much guilt for not being able to help him reach his dreams. I know that joining the Navy is a noble choice, but I'm feeling that he was forced to make this choice. I'm so proud of him for making his own way.

I find myself falling apart at the craziest moments. I pull into our driveway and see his car. He won't be driving that car any time soon. I saw the underwear he left on the floor of his bathroom in his rush to run out the door the other day, and I fell apart. I walked into his room to put some things away, and see his Batman movie poster on the wall. It reminds me that he's still a little boy in some ways. When I see him next, he will be a strong man, both mentally and physically. It makes me realize my little boy is gone forever. This mama's heart is breaking.

[lomom]

((HUGS)) to you, go-dawgs-go (thought you might be in Cleveland, but nope).

Our son left this past Sunday; we just dropped him off at the hotel near the airport, didn't go see him off after that (which is a good thing, since they were stuck at the airport for 10 hours thanks to the Chicago weather delays).  

While our son is 20, and spent a year at college (he didn't like it), I'm finding I must be weird: I'm not the weepy mess I thought I would be. I cried for 3 days straight when he left for college, and he was only an hour and 40 minutes away.  Now? I can't even talk to him or email him or text him... I dunno when I'll see him (depends on how we  manage to work his PIR, if it falls on the same weekend as his younger brother's high school grad date, etc.), and I'm not crying and upset? I think it's going to hit me sometime when I'm not expecting it. I get slightly teary writing this, reading Navymoms posts... but I haven't outright bawled (which is what I figured I'd be doing, still).  

Your reactions are normal.  It's so hard to watch them grow up, and go away -- and they've really gone away haven't they? :-(  

I'm praying for you and all moms who are having teary and difficult days, as well as for our recruits at RTC.

If you need more local -- in person --  support, is there a Blue Star Moms group around you? Check out http://www.bluestarmoms.org/ -- they're not just for deployed military families; they're also able to support those of us just getting into it.  (A friend is involved; I will be sometime soon.)

[go-dawgs-go]

Hey lomom! Thanks for the reply. I felt like I needed to get all that off my chest. 

Our son is also 20. I checked into the bluestarmoms site, but it looks like it's only for people in the Bay Area of California. We are in Washington state. I've searched on this website for moms that might be in my area, and there really aren't many here, either. At least not any moms that have any recent activity. We have a huge army installation here, (as well as a submarine base and a few Navy ports). I'm surprised there aren't more moms on here from my corner of the country. 

I wonder if your son and my son will be training together. That might be kind of nice to have someone to connect with.

Great to hear from you! 

[twonukesons]

My youngest left on Monday. We are in Chicago so we drove to the hotel and spent the day with him. The extended goodbyes were difficult and there were a lot of us. It's Day 5 and I can't wait to get the letter with his address. This is my second time around...his older brother enlisted in 2011. Write often. They will become men but will always be mamas' boys to us.

[go-dawgs-go]

Thanks twonukesons! As long as he still has a hug for me and calls me Mama, I'll be fine. :)

[twonukesons]

I am anxiously division assignment and hope to find other moms of kids in my son's division. Day 6 is down! I suspect their PIR will be May 22nd. Almost one week in!