My daughter arrived at BC 2 days ago feels like an eternity

[katysmom]

So, this is my first introductory post to this amazing support group.  Thank goodness my daughter told me about you guys before she left, she knew I'd need :)

My daughter was born when I was 17 years old, we have been inseparable ever since.  She is my best friend and I'm used to doing everything with her and now she's gone.  I am walking around in a haze of fear, sadness, worry, concern....I keep going over in my head what she's doing if she's scared, regretful, hurting (if she got her wisdom teeth pulled out), exhausted...just filled with constant debilitating thoughts.  I can't concentrate for work, I just started being able to eat a little today, I cry regularly...I hate who I am right now.  I'm known for being upbeat and happy and I now feel isolated, alone and heart-broken.

I have a son who's a freshman in high school who I put on a relatively strong facade for, he's doing great with it, even though he and his sister have always been quite close.  He told me I shouldn't be sad that's she gone away, because she'll be back eventually, he's very analytical...such a strong kid.  

My fiance just doesn't get it and is growing inpatient with my lack of attention/emotion I have for him, even though it's been a few days.  I tried to explain I just feel like I have nothing left to give right now and am trying to reassure him I'll pick myself up emotionally soon, but I feel caved in right now.

Any help and/or guidance will be so greatly appreciated.

[juliebelle28 (NukeMom Prototype)]

Aww - you are not alone in how you feel right now. Nearly every mom  feels like this when their child start bootcamp. The 8 week wait seems forever, and you have no contact.

I have had two boys go through BC - one in the Navy recently and a son in the Marines over a year ago. I promise you that it WILL get better. I think the toughest weeks are the first 3.

If anything happens to her you WILL get a call. Please remember that no news is good news - it really is. I didn't talk to either one of my boys the entire time they were in BC (except the "I'm a sailor call at the end"). She may or may not like life right now, but slowly things will improve and she'll gain confidence and maybe even learn to like BC! 

Once you know her PIR date, make sure to join that PIR group so you can meet and share with others going through the same things.

HUGS!!

[katysmom]

Thank you for that info.  I definitely will join the PIR group once I get her date.  I'm can't wait until I receive the form letter (never thought I'd ever say those words...weird excited about a form letter).  Again, thank you!

[katysmom]

Thank you so much juliebelle28.  It has just haunted me that I my phone flipped out when she made the "i'm here" call and she couldn't hear me, I heard her say "Mom?" and I was answering but she didn't know  and I heard a voice in the background say, "she not there, hang up" and that was it.  I really wish I had that call to tell her one last time I love her and that she's going to do great....I'll let her know what happened in my letter so she doesn't think I missed her call because nothing was more important to me than  that call.

[katysmom]

Momofbp, thank you so much, your words have sincerely helped me tremendously.

[salpetty]

As the others said...it's totally normal.  Start writing letters to her now!  It will keep you busy.  Write as oftens as possible.  Once you get her mailing address, you'll have some already written to send her.  Just keep them upbeat.  She will be fine...and so will you. I promise :)

[Sharon-Erin's Mom]

Katysmom,

I feel ya. My daughter arrived at BC on the 16th as well. My emotions have been rocky at times but most the time I force myself to just be numb. I am so afraid if I give in and cry that I wont stop. Erin is 21 and has lived on her own and supported herself for the last 2 years. She moved in with me 2 months ago in preparation for going in the navy. During that time we became best friends. I lived alone before she moved in with me.. but now, its not just alone but horribly LONELY! This website is a Godsend. Hang in there.. if our girls can do this.. we can do this :)

[katysmom]

Sharon, what a beautiful thing that your daughter got to stay with you before she left to BC!  I understand more than I can tell you the lonely part...even if you had a full house, you may still feel lonely (I do).  Hang in there too!

[Tina (4/9/12)]

Hey katysmom, I totally understand where you are coming from and so does every mom on the web sight.  I feel your pain in every word you have written.  We have two more weeks until graduation day and I can't wait.  some family members have been more understanding then others for me.  my sister drops everything and listens to me cry.  my daughter, who is in the army, is tired of the mention of my son's name.  she keeps telling me to get over it and cut the apron strings.  my SR is the youngest of three and the empty nest hit me hard.  the best i can tell you is to keep busy busy busy.   i have had two phone calls and about four letters thus far.  we live in st louis and my son will be going to Groton, CT for A school right after graduation.  one thing that makes me sort of ok is that it is something he really wanted to do and i knew that if i tried to stop him he would never have been happy with himself.  when recruiters would call the house i would say no, basket weaving, basket weaving.  another words stay home and safe with us.  that isn't what he wanted and i had to let go for his sake.  it kills me and he has enlisted for five years. i truly hope he gets out of it what he wants to and doesn't re up but we'll see.  try to keep up beat in your letters and phone calls is it so important. on the first phone call my son sounded emotional and i had to make sure i kept the conversation light.  you will get thru this even though right now you probably don't know how you will do it.  you will do it one day at a time.  i wrote a little bit every day and when i finally got his address i mailed five letters. yes, five letters and my husband laughed at me but i didn't care it made me feel close to him.  good luck, i know if i can do this so can you.

[katysmom]

Ladies, thank you so much.  I am so happy to know I am not some crazy mom feeling this way and that it is normal to feel how I am.  Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and for your understanding.  It is true that what we go through is unlike anything else, it's not the same as sending our children to college...although that is hard, this is just so much different with so many more layers of worry and concern.  I am so grateful to all of you and feel a comfort in knowing that you have and are continuing to survive through this huge life changing event we all share.

[katysmom]

Tina, thank you!  Ya, I was not excited about her idea of joining the Navy, it took her over three years to break me down enough to agree (she didn't want to join unless I agreed with her decision).  Finally, she stuck with the idea so long I knew this was something that wasn't just a phase but a real goal, so I do feel comfort in knowing this is something that is really important to her and wanted.

Two phone calls and four letters, sounds amazing...I just can't wait until I can reconnect with her by phone or letters, which I know will come.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me, it has really helped!

[katysmom]

Sherri, I've read a lot about the wisdom teeth being pulled in BC and the info I've found is that if they get them pulled they get Vicodin and two days of full rest in bed with a 'light' work day on the 3rd day then going back full bore on the 4th day following the procedure.  I'm sure after being awake for many hours (I've heard up to 60 and as little as 40 hrs straight once arriving...I could be wrong, this is just what I've read on the internet from various posts, etc) the 2 days of complete bed rest is a much needed a welcome one.  I just worry about her recovering and not having mommy there to make sure she's hydrated, medicated, warm, comfy, not in  pain and well fed.  

[Wyobraskamom]

When I read your post, it brought tears to my eyes because it was like you were telling my story so I just had to respond :)  I remember the first day I went back to work after my son had left for boot camp, I scheduled a very important meeting and then I didn't even show up because I FORGOT!  I had never done that before!  I felt like I was losing my mind and that I was actually mourning my son. 

As everyone said, it does get better and what you are feeling is exactly what you should be feeling.  The more I tried to fight it the worse it was.  I think it is just a process that you have to go through so be gentle with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to adjust. 

My son is in his second week of A School and I am just starting to feel like myself again.  Being able to talk to him every day helps so much.  And there is nothing better than seeing them graduate.  I don't think I have ever been filled with so much pride and not just for my son but for all of them there.  They accomplish something so special and it is just moving to see them all standing there with so much pride.

Hang in there and keep talking on this site.  It is the only way I got through!