So proud. Yet so very sad

[Jmama]

Hi everyone. My son just left for bc this past Monday so it hasn't been but 2 1/2 days but I can't hardly stand it that he is over 800 miles from home. Life as we know it for the last 19 1/2 years is no more. I don't know how to cut these apron strings. How am I going to get through this and that first phone call was so short and I hated that I couldn't ask anything. I am so proud that he is taking this journey and I wouldn't even wish that he come home because he needs and wants this for his life. I just need help with dealing with these growing pains.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

Jmama - Hang in there...It is really hard.  I was prepared to not hear anything for the first 3 weeks or so.  It helps to stay busy and not think about it constantly (if possible). The first two weeks I did well, but then the other week was hard.  Finally got a letter close to 2 1/2 to 3 weeks and a call a little over 3 weeks.  It was 9 minutes and wonderful.  Write often, they love it but stay upbeat and pretend you are doing okay - they are so busy and stressed - they don't need to worry about him. Just tell him you love him and are so very proud!!  Stay strong - it does get better and like they say No news is good news.

[Harley69, Ship 9, Div 209]

Jmama - I hear ya!  My son also just left on Monday.  A short call came when he landed and that's it.  I feel the same as you, very proud, yet sad that I can't talk to him for a while.  We gotta hang in there, I guess.  Keep your head up - this will be an amazing adventure for them.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

KrissyN and Jmama - It does actually get better in time - Stay busy. It is wonderful to get the first letter - don't expect anything for about 3 weeks.  They are not allowed to write until the 2nd Sunday they are there and then it takes time to get to you.  Write them often butdon't send things.  Keep envelopes plain (no stickers). Can send stamps, labels, pictures on regular paper, bandaids. My son appreciated the stamps and labels (return address ones)but did not want anything else. They open the letters and dump things out.  Did not want tobe singled out for anything.  HaHa.  Hang in there.

[katyellen (sh 3 div 208 PIR 7/6)]

My son left on tuesday so its been 2 days and i know what you are going through right now.  I have 3 grown daughters and then my son who i had late in life.  He is 19 and its not easy to cut the apron strings.  I don't want to but i know that i have to for him.  I'm sure you feel the same way...we are so proud of them and we have to let them become men. (or women)  I have no one else at home so i need to keep busy.  That phone call was really short...sometimes i get alittle angry that i can't talk to him but i know its just so new right now and it will get alittle more tolerable as time goes on.  I just want to know that he is holding up ok.  Silly huh?  I'm sure he is but i want to hear it from him.  CUT THE STRINGS!!! ughh  Your son is so far from you.  My heart hurts for you.  My son is 4 hrs away so i think its makes it a little easier and when he is in school i should be able to go up there for a weekend.  Stay strong and know that our kids are men now and we want them to be strong and have courage while they are away.  We are all going through this together...i'm so grateful for this site. 

[Jmama]

Thank you ladies. It is great to know that I am not alone in this. I know it will get easier but until then...I'll just have to take it one day at a time. Thanks kathyrc for the info about the letters and how they shake everything out. I would not want to bring any unwanted attention to my boy. When u said regular paper....were you talking about copy paper for pictures? Krissyn and katyellen I'm Hereford you too. Who knows our kids may get in the same Div. This is going to be a long 3 weeks or more.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

I was told that it was best if sending pictures to print on regular paper, not photo paper. They are so limited on space and I guess they could fold the picture. You can send (I believe) newspaper articles. No glitter or stickers on envelopes...very plain.

[NavyMami(PIR 6/29)Ship09-Div-202]

Hang in there.........my son arrive may 1...at Boot Camp......any mom around that day?
I only received the first call and the box.......nothing else...yet...Every day I miss him more and more.
My phone is with me all of the time. I wish to have different phone just for his calls, beside my regular one.
To be sure that I won't miss his phone call. I'm not able to stop cry every moment, every day. All week
......... This so hard. This is a very difficult time for me. I did not prepare myself before he left. I did not tell him
all of the things that as a mother I suppose to say. Maybe because I was at a denied position (I was afraid for him).
Now my pain is so big..........sometimes I don't know what to feel: sorry or proud..................

[HossLuvinNavyMom(S09 D205)]

Hi NavyMami,

Hope you are feeling better as time always seems to help. 

I too can relate to the issue of not saying what I feel I should have (for my son this week and my daughter prior just in general life that is still affecting me daily). Maybe it would help to start a journal/dairy and you can pour out your thoughts in it. Later if re-read, you can edit if need also.  That way if it were ever necessary, it would be "passed on" to him later if you could not tell him yourself.  I think that is half of why this site is so nice, in 'writing' it, it is therapy (mentally).  When I was first married, my husband was gone about 10 days at a time and I was LONELY (not by home and no kids) - I did this and it helped.

I have been SO busy lately I will not be able to write long letters later, but more so, what do you say if it is "same ole" here everyday?  Our family has always laughed and likes comedies.  I bought 2 'One A Day' calendars that were funny and plan to tear out each day and send it and jot down some stuff too. Then he can also share to others for a smile if it is needed. A co-worker said that even though they are not right out of high school and more ready for this, they are really pushed to a brink and that her son said getting letters (lots) was SO supportive.  I have not had the time to figure out what else to send but watching like in this discussion re sending pics etc.  I think I will find some old kid pics of times I know he liked and just copy at the work machine on paper and toss them in (not able to from home - old computer!).  Still coming up with ideas. 

He said he was going to call his Dads cell when he got to BC so I asked him to call me from his cell when he got to the airport, but I had to beg (because he was 'just fine').  Then he called Dads cell saying he was at the airport but left his cell back at MEPS in CA (glad I sent a calling card).  Then after home late and other urgent phone calls, I happened to toss the home phone on the counter and finally jumped in the shower and it rang again, it was the "10 second - I am here" call and I was not expecing to get it.  I knew he could not talk but had a million questions, and just said something like 'Do Great, Love you, and bye" then kicked myself as I hung up because I may have TRIED to ask some questions!  Seemed weird to get the call I heard so much about, worried I would bawl!  I hope the 'Kid in a Box' doesn't get to me, and don't even care to open it but I can't wait to see if he added a note in his box!  I sent stamps but don't expect much as he never was much of a writer, but hoping!

I hope you it is easier for you!

 

[HossLuvinNavyMom(S09 D205)]

Hi there Jmama!

My son just left Mon (for MEPS) and flew out Tues also.  All seemed fine until Sun at lunch when he got really quiet and down, and then changed our plans for Mon asking us to take him to MEPS on Mon and meet him for dinner afterall (we live close), after we changed plans and did "the last dinner" on Sun. He being this way REALLY got me upset and sick in my stomach with nerves, hard to even work on Mon!  His best friend was with us and he went home with his friend Sun night til late and then was fine again.  We still met him for a quick dinner Mon night and we felt we did not want to miss anything so wanted to go to MEPS on Tues also.  It was nice to see him but obvious he was either fine with it all by Tues, or because only about 1/3 of the recruits had family there, maybe he thought it silly at age 23 (in Feb), both his parents were.  After swearing in, he kept saying we can go if we wanted (but we didn't).  As they were loading the buses and we were leaving his Dad yelled - 'JD, your Dad loves you' and had also insisted on a hug outside as we left. 

I could not imagine my child leaving for the 1st time and going into the military with such an abrupt cut in communication.  I am lucky as he and his sister being a year younger have spent the last 4-5 years moving back and forth so I already had the "empty nest" issues.  We were very active parents with our children and as Dad has always been overbusy at work and me home more, it hit me hard when they moved on, even if just activities without me.  I was lucky, I had things I wanted to learn and do (horses) and immersed myself in it.  It was VERY hard (esp with a particular situation when my daughter first left, my son was already gone) but I found that if I just did something productive and concentrated hard on it, 2 things happened....things I could not control did not get the best of me and I ended up learning something I really wanted to do.  The result: I have an awesome horse to play on now and learned SO much.  In the group we had been in forever, I was now a participant and not just a 'horse Mom'.  Now I am so busy doing my thing, there is no time to sit and think about stuff I can't do anything about.  Heck, barely time to think about stuff I need to - but there are good things about that too!  Just find something you love and go for it.  If you want to feel needed, volenteer somewhere.  Funny as now I am out doing my own thing, I still get more when I am helping someone with horse stuff than just riding in events.  I help kids, adults, and I volunteer judge too. 

My hardest lesson was learning that if I spent ANY energy on the things I could not change, it had negative impact on me and such a waste of time.  I was lucky to have people and family who supported me (also available on this site).   It was SO hard to believe what people told me: we are raising them to be independent people, not our kids forever.  The last years we have all evolved individually and I know this is best for him.  We are proud he made the decision and like you I want nothing to stop him going forward.  Our "serious" discussion was even to the effect that if something happened to one of us when he was in BC, we would not tell him, there is nothing he can do about it, he just needs to concentrate on these next months.  I see now what a gift it is to let someone have their freedom, hard as it is and when I figured this out, I felt good about all the changes.  It is peaceful.  We all have different ways to cope and it is different for all of us as we are all at different stages in life for all our childrens milestones and I have learned not to judge how others handle their own.

I hope you find the strength to keep strong and happy, but you have survived motherhood this long, I know it is in you - YOU ARE A MOM!  Good luck to you and maybe meet you (and the others) in 8-9 weeks!

[NavyMami(PIR 6/29)Ship09-Div-202]

Thanks for you help and advice.

[Tina (4/9/12)]

Hey Jmama - I have to echo what everyone else has said on here so far.  It is so hard to let go of our children.  My son is at the end of week 5 in BC.  I miss him so much and you are right life as we knew it has just changed.  Keep busy and change with it and we will be able to adjust easier.  At least that is what I keep saying to myself.  

[jenn724 Ship7 Division 161]

Hang in there.  I have 2 weeks left before my daughter graduates BC, and I am so proud.  The weeks go by so fast, once you get through the first 2-3.  I was a mess for the first week or two, but soon the tears turned to smiles, and a sense of pride nobody else but Navy mons will really understand.