Son leaves on July 23rd, and Im not ready!

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

This site has been such a shoulder for me to cry on, I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for their truth, advice, and support. Like most moms I have read about, I have the endless list of questions and fears (let's not talk about the tears, because they're streaming as I speak!) I feel like the tears are always streaming, and noone but the moms on this site can understand. It feels like Im walking in a continuous cloud of grief and fear, mixed with an equal amount of pride and excitement. I know this time is about my son and all he has prepared for and excited to start doing, and I should be celebrating him and his dedication (which I am doing, believe me) but I feel more often than not, Im hiding somewhere just sobbing. He leaves in 2 weeks and I just cannot imagine how I will make it, when I cant even get through this post without the ugly face cry! Everyone I know thinks Im crazy, that this is not the end of the world (and yes, Ive gotten a few dummies who try to compare their sadness of sending their kids off to college to mine!) I know people are trying to help and be supportive, but they just dont get it. The women here seem to get it - and although it might bring out more tears for me to read through some of your experiences, I cry because I can relate and its as if your describing what Im going through. You are able to put my pain into words, and it does help to feel understood. Even my husband, who is also upset our son is leaving - seems to carry himself so differently, approach it all so differently even behind closed doors. It makes me almost resent him, foolishly thinking he is secretly happy to be shuffling our kid off so he can have me all to himself. I dont know, Im sure its just my hormonal craziness!!

There is one thing I have been noticing, and havent read much about it and wondered if anyone else is experiencing the same...my son is a family oriented kid. Always has been. We have always been close. He started to become a little distant a little argumentative about 2 months ago as he was seeing the beinning of his next step (high school graduation, boot camp approaching, etc) I sort of ignored it, it went away a little (or maybe I just learned to deal with it) The past week or so, he is very closed off and just...rude. Its so unlike him. He has had some disappointment in his recruiter (started out wonderful, then job offers changed due to vision requirements, promised to reclassify him & never did now the recruiter has been replaced by 2 others and he is now just a mentor. Andrew has a job he really didnt want, and feels stuck). Anyway, he is excited to leave, I know he is nervous as well - but is this a normall process? A way of detaching maybe? He just plays his xbox & computer ALL day everyday. He thinks he knows EVERYTHING there is to know about bootcamp. I mention I read this or that on this site and he just rolls his eyes and gives a snotty comment. At times he makes me wish he were leaving the next day so he can see what ive been trying to say, but then that worries me that he will get a dose of reality that is too harsh for him! I dont know what to do - Ive tried pushing him for info, Ive tried just talking to him, offering anything and everything I can think of and it doesnt seem to help. We've beein doing some family stuff to help build memories, and he joins in and seems to enjoy himself - his nastiness seems to be directed toward me. Maybe Im imagining it, maybe Im looking for more than he is able to give. but I dont think so. I definitely dont want to mention this to the recruiter (the 2 new ones we've yet to meet) because I dont want him cast in a negative light, especially with just 2 weeks to go. I was just hoping to read that others have experienced something similar to this and that this is all normal.

Anyway, thank you for allowing me to read your posts, sympathize with your struggles, and give me the comfort zone to vent my own. It really does help in so many ways! This is my first post, and Im sorry if it was on the long side (but hey, you read it! ;)) I just had alot to get out and thank you for. I would love to hear from you, thanks again!

[Angie]

Your son is NOT in the Navy (until he swears in right before he leaves for bootcamp, like the day of) so no he can not go to jail.

 

Regarding being kicked out.. again he isn't in the Navy, so what is he going to be kicked out of ?  DEP is what he will be kicked out of...which means nothing...except that if he trys to join again latter it will be even harder (and he may not be able to do it)

 

When you see the recruiter on Friday...ask to see the offical instruction stating he will go to jail?  He won't be able to show you as there isn't one.

 

Talking about the other DEPpers has nothing to do with your son...every case is different, and unless you have seen their offical paper work than it is just hearsay, which is not revelent.

 

 

[IndyMom]

The recruiter is lying.  Please do me a favor and Message Fire Team Wife or Angie who was a former counselor at Great Lakes and just retired.  Look them up in the search box.  You can also go online and get a direct line to a Navy and ask for  help.  Let me know if you have trouble reaching them.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

I believe we were told you are not locked in till you are actually sworn in at DEPS just before leaving for GL.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

So very sad....My son Loved his recruiter. They are supposed to be there for our kids.

[IndyMom]

They cannot do anything to punish your son.  If that recruiter did try to call GL, I doubt they would listen to a word he said.  He will not go to jail either, that contract is not binding until he ships.  Enlist the support of the regional recruiter for your state.  We went to our Congressman and I read the riot act to our recrutier and my son is presently on the Ship's Staff in his Division at GL.  Standing up for yourself shows leadership!  My son had a perfect score on ASVABS and a college degree and they still tried to give him a hard time.  The sad thing is these kids are vunerable and want to please their recruiters, but if we don't hold them accountable who will?  So sorry your son is having to go through this, but if the Navy isn't going to help him out I know the other branches would job at the chance.  I will be praying that this works out for you and your son.

[ReneeBC]

worried mama,

If you do not get satisfactory answers when the recruiter comes to visit this week, it is time to talk to the chief or whomever is in charge of your recruiting station.  Also be sure to let the recruiter know, if he's still lying and playing "hard ball". that you know your son is not locked in to the navy much less the undesirable MOS/rate.  If he changes his tune, be sure to get it in writing.  Threatening jail is ridiculous and unconscionable!

I am an at-risk advisor and many of my students consider the military with the hope of attending college later.  I deal with recruiters constantly as I am their favorite go-to girl at our local high school.  Thankfully, the only recruiters that I have had trouble with are from the Army.  They are always promising the boys they can be Rangers.  Uhg. 

I hope the situation is rectified quickly and you'll be able to change your user name to "confident mama."

[harpist mom]

I agree with Angie. That recruiter is WAY out of line.

[Angie]

I am normally the last person to recommend writting your Congressman..but in this case (if everything you posted is 100%) than yes write your Congressman.  Also recommend you tell them you want to talk to the RINC (Recruiter in Charge) and if they start being rude...just get up and walk out...there is NO need for that.

 

FYI...I am a recently retired Chief

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

Thanks for all the advice, it helps hearing that this isnt "normal" recruiter behavior. I convinced my son he shold go in this morning and talk to the recruiter (the old one) one last time, explain the situation and give the recruiter a chance to see where my son is coming from. When we got there, i thought my son would pass out! he turned white and asked me to go in with him, he was afraid of how bad the recruiter would scream at him! That broke my heart. I believe - as most of you have said had been the case with your recruiters - that his recruiter should be a source of information, guidance, and friendship. Long story short, I went in with him. The recruiter didnt scream, but he wasnt happy. But lets be honest, none of us would be happy if we "thought" we were doing our job correctly, and 2 weeks before we close a deal someone pops up and goes to a coworker regarding their issuues. He sat with us and explained "his side", which for some reason I understood! he asked why my son decided he was unhappy now - my son explained he knows he could have a better "job" and wanted to reclassify. Recruiter told him its too late, nothing can be done in a 2 week window (funny how different that is from when he signed up a year ago - he was all good in about 10 days!)His suggestion was to take the job, learn the ropes, and take different steps once inside the navy after he has matured and learned the structure, etc. Any mom wants her child to have the best opportunity available, but what he said made sense to me. Its how any of us would do it in te working world, isnt it? I hope some of you will agree that letting this rest and coming to terms with the job he has is the best first step at this point. No? Theres nothing more I can do, his feet are in the sand and I fear going higher up will result in my son getting booted. I know it sounds like I gave up, and in a small way I did, but Im not experienced enough with military do's and dont's to fight him. I do agree my son needs to learn to work hard for his goals and learn to be a man and stand up for himself and choose his destiny. I cant go with him on this journey (aside from communication) and cant be there everytime he has a problem pop up or he isnt happy with something. I love the fact he does still run to us when he has a problem, and want him to know he always can - but like many of you have already done, I feel I need to learn how to let go. I dont know when else to do it but now. Im hoping someone will say we made the right choice to just let it all be as it is. Im sure there is something fishy going on in his recruiting station, one of the top rank recruiters who recently just were placed there (demoting our recruiter to just a mentor) was discharged yesterday. No word why, but that cant be good, right? I think I just want to get my son done with this stage, although my heart is hopring to drag out every minute, and start the next. Thank you all again, for all the kind words, support, and for just "listening". I really do have a renewed sense of hope since writing this post. Its all because of you. I hope to continue talking with many of you, each reply I have read sounds like actual words from a true friend and feels heartfelt. Its amazing to me to be able to come to a place, not know a single person or term or anything, open your heart and watch who comes in. Amazing.

[harpist mom]

Caution: the recruiter makes it sound easy to change jobs after you enter the Navy; however, based on what I hear from my son, it may not be as easy as the recruiter is representing. (It is not the same as working for a corporation.) Based on what I hear from my son, once you get a track, it does not sound like you have a lot of options in the beginning. Your son just needs to be aware of this possibility going in. Another instance of salesmanship on the part of the recruiter.

[proud mom <3 ship 12 div 305 <3]

My son leaves on the 25th I only have another week with him. Whats pir ?? What navy tall do I need to learn? I'm going crazy already. This is so new. I just don't know where to start. I'm just ready to ball up into fetal position for the next 6 years

[harpist mom]

I went to my son's swearing in, at his request, and I am VERY glad I did. I do not believe you will be the only "mommy" there. There were several "daddies" at my son's swearing in, and my son's dad would have been there if it had been possible. It seems as though you will be showing your support for your son's decision by attending. There were only one or two individuals who did not have anyone there for them at MEPS that day, and I felt sad for them. After the swearing in, we took pictures, talked, and said our goodbyes. I also met parents of the other kids who were swearing in, and they were such a great support later on. Yes, we exchanged contact information. I think your son will be glad you are there when the day arrives.