Son leaves on July 23rd, and Im not ready!

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

This site has been such a shoulder for me to cry on, I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for their truth, advice, and support. Like most moms I have read about, I have the endless list of questions and fears (let's not talk about the tears, because they're streaming as I speak!) I feel like the tears are always streaming, and noone but the moms on this site can understand. It feels like Im walking in a continuous cloud of grief and fear, mixed with an equal amount of pride and excitement. I know this time is about my son and all he has prepared for and excited to start doing, and I should be celebrating him and his dedication (which I am doing, believe me) but I feel more often than not, Im hiding somewhere just sobbing. He leaves in 2 weeks and I just cannot imagine how I will make it, when I cant even get through this post without the ugly face cry! Everyone I know thinks Im crazy, that this is not the end of the world (and yes, Ive gotten a few dummies who try to compare their sadness of sending their kids off to college to mine!) I know people are trying to help and be supportive, but they just dont get it. The women here seem to get it - and although it might bring out more tears for me to read through some of your experiences, I cry because I can relate and its as if your describing what Im going through. You are able to put my pain into words, and it does help to feel understood. Even my husband, who is also upset our son is leaving - seems to carry himself so differently, approach it all so differently even behind closed doors. It makes me almost resent him, foolishly thinking he is secretly happy to be shuffling our kid off so he can have me all to himself. I dont know, Im sure its just my hormonal craziness!!

There is one thing I have been noticing, and havent read much about it and wondered if anyone else is experiencing the same...my son is a family oriented kid. Always has been. We have always been close. He started to become a little distant a little argumentative about 2 months ago as he was seeing the beinning of his next step (high school graduation, boot camp approaching, etc) I sort of ignored it, it went away a little (or maybe I just learned to deal with it) The past week or so, he is very closed off and just...rude. Its so unlike him. He has had some disappointment in his recruiter (started out wonderful, then job offers changed due to vision requirements, promised to reclassify him & never did now the recruiter has been replaced by 2 others and he is now just a mentor. Andrew has a job he really didnt want, and feels stuck). Anyway, he is excited to leave, I know he is nervous as well - but is this a normall process? A way of detaching maybe? He just plays his xbox & computer ALL day everyday. He thinks he knows EVERYTHING there is to know about bootcamp. I mention I read this or that on this site and he just rolls his eyes and gives a snotty comment. At times he makes me wish he were leaving the next day so he can see what ive been trying to say, but then that worries me that he will get a dose of reality that is too harsh for him! I dont know what to do - Ive tried pushing him for info, Ive tried just talking to him, offering anything and everything I can think of and it doesnt seem to help. We've beein doing some family stuff to help build memories, and he joins in and seems to enjoy himself - his nastiness seems to be directed toward me. Maybe Im imagining it, maybe Im looking for more than he is able to give. but I dont think so. I definitely dont want to mention this to the recruiter (the 2 new ones we've yet to meet) because I dont want him cast in a negative light, especially with just 2 weeks to go. I was just hoping to read that others have experienced something similar to this and that this is all normal.

Anyway, thank you for allowing me to read your posts, sympathize with your struggles, and give me the comfort zone to vent my own. It really does help in so many ways! This is my first post, and Im sorry if it was on the long side (but hey, you read it! ;)) I just had alot to get out and thank you for. I would love to hear from you, thanks again!

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

Thank you harpist, you make this all sound...doable! We plan on having a small gathering at the recruting station for the goodbyes of the family/friends. Then his dad & I will travel to MEPS, take him for a nice dinner and then meet up again in the morning. The recruiter said we could get there about 10, and he would swear in probably 12/12:30 and then go to the airport. Honestly, I cant bear dragging out the goodbyes and thought I would just leave from there but my son has asked me to go to the airport and wait with him. This kid is killing me!! For now Im saying yes, how do we tell our babies no? But I will see when the time comes what happens. I dread each day with all my soul, but I am trying to find my own peace with it all. Funny, because Ive been so focused on my fear and grief of him leaving that Ive been doing alot of readding on here, in hopes to prepare myself better and get a better understand of how things work so maybe I can be less fearful. That didnt help! Now, Im worried about the whole phrase "no news is good news"! Hahaha - Im scared now they will find some crazy issue with him somewhere and ship him home! Ugh, this is such a draining process! How long ago did your son begin?

[harpist mom]

Believe me, I am more than glad to help you any way I can. This site has been such a wealth of information and support for me. Thanks again to all the wonderfrul moms who helped me through Boot Camp. The two moms I met at MEPS sent cards to my son while he was in boot camp, and I sent letters to their daughters.

My son was sworn in on January 11th at the MEPS center. He was required to spend the night before in a hotel, and I met him at a restaurant near his hotel for dinner. We had a nice visit and he went back to the hotel - I believe he was required to be in his room at 10 p.m. (curfew). I arrived at the MEPS center around 10 the next morning, went through security, and waited in a hallway with the parents of the other individuals who were swearing in that day. It seemed like we waited for at least 45 minutes before we were directed into the room for the swearing in ceremony. It was a brief, meaningful ceremony, and I was glad I was there. Various families took turns taking photos of the each others families. I really treasure the pictures that were taken of my son and me that day. One of the moms I met at the swearing in told me about this site. After the picture time, the new recruits were called into a room to sign paperwork. The families were directed to the back of the building for a final goodbye when the recruits arrived to board the van taking them to the airport. It was close to noon by that time. As you may expect, I had tears running down my cheeks as I walked to my car.

I was not given an option to go to the airport at the time to wait with my son, and due to various circumstances which I will not go into now, it would not have worked out for me to stay until he boarded the plane. My advice to you about going to the airport: if your son asked you to wait with him, I would seriously consider going. You will have very limited contact with him for the subsequent 8 weeks, and I would take advantage of that time together. That said, my son did not leave for Great Lakes until after 6:30 p.m. and waited at hte airport all afternoon with the others. He sent me a text message that he arrived in Chicago around 10:30 p.m. I got "the call" at 1:15 p.m. saying he was at Great Lakes, and it was quite brief. After that call, I didn't hear from him much for three weeks except for a couple of calls requesting information for his security clearance. I wrote him over 40 letters while he was at Boot camp; however, I did not receive more than about 5 or 6 from him (including the form letter). I must tell you to "embrace" the motto: no news is good news. It is really, really true, even though I worried about him when I didn't receive any information. FYI - the two girls who were sworn in with my son were sent home within the first three weeks, and their parents were notified about 10 days after their arrival at GL. I will say that getting "the box" was an emotional experience for me. It is reassuring to some of the moms, but it made me sad.

All that said, my son did successfully survive Boot Camp. He was on "ships staff{" and seemed to enjoy it, as much as you can enjoy boot camp. He found BC to be challenging and it sounded like he was discouraged the first three weeks. I think he had a tough RDC; however his division won the Hall of Fame award. He said people were yelling at him constantly at first (typical). I went to his PIR in March and was VERY happy I made the decision to go. I did not realize what a big deal it is until I read about it on this site. It really is a "must" if at all possible.

Just try to put on a happy face at the swearing in, even if you do not feel it. Support and encourage your son as much as possible. I tried not to cry in front of him, which is why the tears flowed after I turned away from hugging him the last time there at MEPS. Get ready to write lots for letters and send cards. Those will be his lifeline during this challenging experience. I hope it helped you to read about my experience!

 

 

 

[Brenda]

My husband, two daughters, and I all went to the swearing in...we did A LOT of waiting that day, but we are so glad we went.  There were many other parents there, as well.  We didn't have the option of going to the airport so it was nice spending time with him before they left. I did get teary-eyed, but didn't really cry til he was gone because I didn't want to make him feel bad.  They left for the airport around 1 p.m., but their flight wasn't scheduled to leave til after 6 p.m.  It ended up being even later due to the weather.  He told us the USO had a nice lounge at the airport with snacks, games, etc. so that helped the time go by while they waited for their flight.

Start making plans now to attend his PIR--it is awesome!  It makes all the worry, concern, etc. worth it.  We were so proud of him and I think he was glad that we were able to see what he had accomplished while in BC.  We were also able to spend the weekend with him (days and early evenings) since he was staying at Great Lakes for a couple more months.  We haven't seen him since March 18, but Lord willing, we will see him at the end of August when he finishes A school in San Diego.

We all took turns writing letters or sending cars to our son while he was at bootcamp (once we got the info) so that he would get mail every day. We would tell him what was going on with everyone, we always told him that we loved him and missed him, but always tried to be upbeat and encouraging so that it would lift his spirits.  Our son would write a letter that contained a journal-like letter that covered 2-3 days of information regarding life at BC.  He would send 2 or 3 of these a week. 

Like I've mentioned before, this site was a huge help to me while he was in BC.  My son said I had more information than he did : )  I think I even knew his PIR date before he did.

It does get easier once you're able to communicate again, so hang in there! 

Brenda in NC

[Alvarezmom]

I only have 4 days before he leaves for BC. He went to recruiter yesterday they have arranged that his recruiter will pick him up Monday from the house to get everything ready at station then off to Louisville in hotel for the night. MEPS Tuesday morning. He has decided that he doesn't want me at the swearing in. Not sure how I feel about that but respect his decision. I can't talk to anyone about him leaving right now or I completely break down bawling. He said he didn't want to put me through saying goodbye twice. I feel him pushinge away little by little. This is so hard to anticipate and be strong. I don't think it has hit anyone else like he has me they dismiss any realization of him leaving. I hope I can handle it with dignity and pride when Monday comes but no promises.

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

Hang in there Della - as others have told me on this post (read page 1 or so) your son pushing away from you is a survival mechanism. It took the kind, insightful ladies on this board to show me that - and it really is true! Once I saw my sons behavior from a different angle, I adjusted my reactions and I swear to you life has become happy again, and it was effortless! I think as moms, we want to suck up every last minute, make our babies know just how much we care, and maybe even ease our own pain of them leaving. But in all honesty, it is a form of smothering, and it is not what our future sailors need at this point. They need our support that they made the right decision, they need to leave with a clear mind, and need to see that if Moms ok with it then it must be ok. Just like when they left for pre-k or that first busride to kindergarten. Haha, listen to me finally on the giving end of the advice column!! My precious son leaves from his recruiting office Monday and that will be tough, and I cannot begin to tell you how I will get myself through Tuesday after he swears in...but I try to think of it this way - this was his choice. This is his honor, if his mother wont stand proudly behind him, who will? Dont send him off with any dounts that you dont have his back, as painful as him leaving is. I firmly believe that, and it took me falling to the floor and these moms here on this site to help bring me back up to realize. You will make it through this, we all have to. Please, message me anytime and we will get eachother through this. Maybe we can even meet up at PIR!! Hang in there and enjoy the time you have left with him. 

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

Brenda -

  Hearing your story does help. It rings similar to mine. I am having a better day than I had last week, and Im trying to be positive and upbeat. Its easy to focus on the sadness and fears we have as moms letting our babies go, and that doesnt mean I wont be a sobbing spectacle come Tuesday, but for now I am trying to fill our days with happiness and fun times. For awhile I was seeing as the countdown to a funeral of sorts, and in many ways for me it is, but I dont want to instill my fears and sorrow onto my son. It will only handicap him. I never went further than across the street without having my parents right behind me, and I dont want that for him. Although my husband and I are extremely loud and maybe somewhat annoyingly strong forces in our sons life, we keep stressing the importance of him making decisions that will benefit and enhance HIS life. Joining the navy has been a lifelong dream for him and even moreso in the past few years while doing ROTC in school and joining the Dep program last year. He has readied himself as much as he can at this point. It sounds crazy, but my biggest fear was him leaving us...now its getting word he didnt make it through bootcamp. I know I will be ok, I can cry and cry but I will survive because I know he is happy, but if he gets "cut" at BC I dont know how he will make it. It will destroy him. He has had much disappointment already through his recruiter and different job opportunities he was offered and then disqualified for. he is already going in half heartedly compared to before, if he were to get disqualified while in BC I just dont know what he will do. Ugh, more for us to worry for I guess. But such is the life of a mom right, always worrying about her babies! Im glad your sons experience was so positive and he made it through successfully! A school in San Diego must be exciting (you said your in NC) I believe my son will be going to A school in Pensacola - which gives me the added stress of him being one of those grad & go's I hear about. I wouldve loved some time with him, but I guess the fact that he just goes right to school from PIR (god & navy willing!) makes the time we spend together then more special. Please keep in touch and let me know how PIR goes! Thank you for your encouragement and for sharing your story with me! Im sure next time anyone hears from me I will be a huge blubbering mess!! Talk with you soon!

~Christine (also in NC!)

[harpist mom]

Della Beach, I suspect your son will appreciate you more after a few weeks at Boot Camp. While he is gone, tell him how much you love him and how proud you are of him.

[kathyrc(Ship03DIV175)PIR 6/08/12]

Della Beach - Hang in there...It will be okay. We did not go to our sons swearing in, not sure if he even knew we could.

It's best to respect what they want, I know its hard. For us, we said our goodbyes at home and recruiter picked him up from our house too. He spent the night locally and we did not see him. It worked for us and he was nervous and excited and just wanted to get started with all others. It was fine and he and I don't have any regrets. He text'd me from hotel some at night.

When we saw him at PIR - It was wonderful and amazing....a time you will not forget!!!

[kawilde]

Hello, Just read you letter, and i can feel for you big time.  my son is leaving on the 26th of Sep. He moved out just about three months ago.  That was so hard, i became a super bitch at home and work.  I am fine about that now.  Just thinking about him leaving and not seeing him for two months is just painful.  Last week he signed the papers, i did not even no he was going.  He then had to stay extra days for testing.  I am so proud of how is handling himself. Any way i just wanted to say this to you,  I have always thought children are always hardest and just plain mean to moms, at times, cause they no we love them with..  So of course we will forgive them for treating us like crap when they are feeling insecure or unhappy.  Good luck with it all.  

[Angie CTT/Pensacola]

 Hello, I retired from the Navy in 2006 and my son decided to follow my footsteps.  He left for bootcamp today and I can honestly say I've been a wreck for two days now.  He called me this evening and I spoke with him for about 15 seconds.  As a retiree I know what he's going through,  but it still don't make it any better because he's my baby!!!   So if you feel like crying do.  One thing I can say as most people have already said write, write, and write.  I remember when I received mail those were the highlights of my day.  After reviewing the video posted on this website I can say bootcamp has changed but the concept is still there.  It is hard for us as the parents, but believe me when they hear your voice that will gives them strength; at least it did for me.  Hang in there and remember you're not alone!!!

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

WOW - so your a good person to know, seeing as how you have first hand experience of Navy life! I would imagine it would make it double hard, like you said, you know what your son is going through. The fear of the unknown (which is what Im experiencing) is terrifying, but I think I would rather not completely understand what he will go through because relating to it makes the fear all that more real. I know that doesnt make any sense but I can explain it this way. When I was younger and in school, my biggest worry was the cafeteria and the bus. Where would I sit, who would I know, what if there were no seats with my friends - dumb fears like that. It wasnt like I was some big fatty worried I wouldnt be able to eat, it was more of a social fear I guess. And its a concern of mine for my kids every first day of school (and yes, I fear it for my son going into the Navy as well!!) I relive that anxiety for them, and  it does not make it easier for me to release it. I just made myself sound like a crazy woman, didnt I!?!? I wish you strength and the best of luck as you go on this journey with your son. Please keep me posted as to how he is doing, and whats been going on with you. You are not alone either! 

[Angie CTT/Pensacola]

Hi Worried Mama, I pray all is going well.  I got the box today.  I still haven't gotten the form letter.  Just wanted to drop a line to check on you.  Each day will get better.