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Bursting with pride BUT.........
This is my first post.
First let me say, I am so proud of the choice my son has made. He's going to be a Sailor!! I know the first time I see him all "Navy'ed" up in his uniform and hair cut my heart will just burst with pride.
He is my youngest. When he leaves for BC I will be alone. My husband left us 2 years ago now. My soon to be sailor and I grew very close after his sister left home almost 6 years ago and only got closer after the not so DH left. I am very, very happy for him and the decision he has made. When he talks about his future plans and what the Navy will do for him, he gets SO excited and that brings me so much JOY....
now the BUT...
I am afraid. I am afraid that I will just fall apart once he is gone. The last 33 years of my life has been all about raising kids and working to support them. I've been their mom, their scout leader and for a good portion of their life I was their Sunday school teacher as well. When my husband left, we moved to another city (we lived in his hometown) and I don't know anyone here. I don't really have any friends close to where I live or work. I'm sure I'm not the only mom to have faced this before and I would greatly appreciate hearing from any that have "been there, done that" and thrived!!
Respectfully,
Lady Pendragon
Views: 650
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet) on
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Hi Lady Pendragon - first off let me say Welcome! to N4M and Welcome! to our Emptynester group! It's perfectly normal to have these feelings.....Yes, you will be extremely proud of your son and his accomplishments (after all that's how we raised them, right - to be independent and responsible and worthy?) but it does leave an emptiness in your heart when they leave :(
I'm sorry that you are having to endure this journey "alone" but just remember you aren't really alone - we are ALL here for you. This site has many amazing groups that you can join - you will want to join the DEP group for the month your son is leaving in. Also, join the "Bootcamp" group. You will find lots of valuable info there from mom's whose sons/daughters have just recently left (or are getting ready to go). Also, what job is your son going to be doing? Join the group for that too!
You will get a form letter at around 2 weeks into bootcamp that will have his ship/division and PIR (graduation) date. At that point you can join the specific group to your son's PIR. There you will meet other mom's who are at the same place that you are (and hopefully you will be able to go to PIR and you can meet them at Sarge's Meet & Greet!).
This group has mom's whose sailors are in various stages of their Navy career - so you can get all kinds of support/info that you may need. My son has been in for almost a year and a half - he's currently in Ballston Spa, NY, waiting for nuclear Prototype classes to start....my youngest is a sophomore in college.
Feel free to ask questions - someone here will either be able to answer for you or guide you in the right direction. I'm not going to lie - some days are easier than others (and some days just suck!) but we are all in the same "boat" so to speak! You can always feel free to be open on here - you don't have to hide your feelings! The main thing is to continue to be strong and supportive of your future sailor! {{{{hugs}}}} to you!
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Permalink Reply by ladyayp on
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welcome lady P. I am the mom of two sailors. My oldest lives in new York, and the youngest is in cali. Let me start by saying that when my oldest left I thought my world had ended. He was my best friend. The youngest was 10 when my oldest joined the navy. My youngest son has been gone for about 3 years now. When he said he wanted to join, My heart dropped. I was happy for him, but I was also very sad for me. All I could think about was what was I going to do. All my life I have been a mom and didn't know how to do or be anything else. Yes, I am married, however I am home alone for 8-10 hours a day. I live in a very remote area, and like you, I do not have any friends in the area. However, I have found that the choices my sons are wonderful and would not do anything to change that. I wish you all the best. Hang in there!!!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Thetribemom on
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First off Welcome Lady Pendragon,,, I understand that you do not have a spouse or partner right now, but your feelings probably wouldn't be any different if you did. I was the same way with my kids(4) I was team mom,score keeper,mom taxi,,etc. My last will leave for the Navy to join his twin in May. They will be in Japan.I am not sure how I will handle it. We are very close, but he needs his brother lol. So to the Navy he goes. It truely helps me to get the emails in my phone of everyones post here. I will feel sad or lonely and someone will post and I see I am not alone. Spouse or no spouse I am a mom and my kids are gone or going soon, that feeling is the same for us all.
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Thanks for all the replies...
It really helps just knowing I'm not the only one even if I wouldn't wish this feeling on another mother. ever. I know we have to let them go and we start that process the moment they are born.
I'm already looking forward to his 1st homecoming and he hasn't left yet. I just hope that the Navy doesn't change him too, too much. He is a very respectful young man but I do love the goofy side of him too.
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Permalink Reply by MommaBB on
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I had the same reservations about my son and not wanting him to loose himself after boot camp. A navy mom friend of mine told me the navy takes all those great qualities of your son and make them even better. They help mold him into a wonderful man. My son won't leave until August. He is my youngest and we are very close. My husband got very sick a few years back and my SR helped and hold each other up. He was the only one left at home so it will be very different when he is gone. But it will be wonderful for him. This is his time now. And I am so proud. Glad to have others in same situations to vent with! Not the same as going to college so many don't understand the emotional rollercoaster we are on.
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MommaBB - you are right about the roller coaster!
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Night before last DS and twin were facetiming, I had to video it, it made my heart happy. Laughing and giggling. Navy only made my sailor better, same wonderful kiddo just now his own man too. DS tells me how the Navy made him see how much more he loves his family. Strangebut is seems we are even closer now. I will watch the video and my year in review from facebook over and over when lastone goes to bc in May.
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Permalink Reply by CO-TwinSalorsMom on
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You will cry a lot, but everyone here understands and we all have been there, I cry less but still do. Here you will find other people who are all, pardon the pun, in the same boat. Read, Post, share, support others, glean info that you will need, ask questions. Welcome to the Navy.
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Permalink Reply by Rock on
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Lady Pendragon, I can totally relate. Ever since my son (my only child) left for BC I have struggled with depression really bad. I think I have finally kicked that after it clicked in my brain that he is happy..................what more could a Mom ask for? BUT it's like I've lost all purpose in life. My husband has been gone for the last 4 years working and I see him maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I had already lost my Father and 2 years ago I lost my Mom and only sibling - my beloved Sister - within a couple of months of each other, to cancer. We live about 4 hours away from any of my cousins, etc. Two hours away from my husbands family. Plus, I live in a small town where there is not a lot to do. I just keep plugging and searching for the thing that will make me feel useful again. I did the Sunday School teacher thing for about 20 years and have no desire to do that again..............I'm sorry..............I was going to try to encourage you and it seems I've done just the opposite. Just hang in there! Surely our answer is out there!
Wish you lived close to me........we could hang out together!
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Permalink Reply by mspaint on
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Lady Pendragon,
It is now your duty to start taking care of yourself. It is always about the children when they are growing up. Once they are grown it becomes all about you. Our Navy Sailor was the last one out of the house and it was strange and difficult on me. Not going to tell you it is easy because it is not. You need to start working on things that will make you happy and try to get involved in new and exciting things. Teach yourself or take classes for something that you have always wanted to learn and were never able to because you were committed to do other things. Check out your local colleges sometimes they have classes for the "Older Generation" to take. There you will also meet others interested in the same things as you are. Do these things before your son ships to boot camp. I hope that some of this helps you to start living YOUR life. You have done your job as a mother now it is time for you to become an individual again.
Navy Mom Hug to you!
Tara
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I sometimes do not like the QUIET. Sometimes I do. The boy's friends still contact me or come visit occasionally. I try to find stuff to do, home improvement projects, sorting cleaning, donating stuff. I started to go to a new bible study and the church feeds the local high school once a week and I am volunteering there. I also meet a Downs synd. young man once a week and work with him teaching him knitting, He is a natural and now just needs help to learn new stitches for new projects, he is making money selling his textile items.
Someone else on N4M's told me to do for others and it really helps.
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Permalink Reply by disneygirl64 on
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Hang in there LadyPendragon your sons excitement for his new life adventures will give you strength. My son is my baby and although I am still married I do feel extremely lost without my kids. They are my whole world. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much...but my kids are my kids and it's not the same.
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