Almost half way there...

[RochelleM]

My boyfriend left 4 weeks ago and ive been doing great, but his letters are kinda brief because he doesnt have much time and his division isnt doing so well and im starting to get discouraged. Hardly any of my friends or family is encouraging, im starting to wonder if i can do this anymore. I know he really cares about me and loves me, its just hard to see it when their in bootcamp and away for so long. any encouragement? what should i do?

[meagan5220]

First off it is hard. Get busy.. you might say you are busy now but are you really? I worked two jobs and took 18 hours worth of classes while my husband was in Bootcamp. I was working 50-60 hours a week with 2-3 hours of hw a night at least. and I still wasnt busy enough. :) so find new things to do! get a hobby! anything you have ever wanted to do but couldnt now is the time you will have lots of energy to focus on it! I know a website that offers lots of free online classes for all sorts of cool things! Of course they dont count for anything but it takes up time. Find something that makes you HAPPY I know its hard to believe you can be happy when he is gone but trust me it makes time fly!! Its like watching water boil... if you sit there it never will the minute you walk away and get distracted it boils over and is done :) My husbands division also wasnt the best. Then the last two weeks hit and they were on top of everything! They got the best score in battlestations out of all the divisions. then I got a long phone call afterwards. So just have patience and be super encouraging!! You dont know just how much it helps them! When my husband left for BC his friend that had just graduated wrote me a long message and repeated over and over again. No matter how much he gets to write you, you literally have NO idea how much those letters mean and how much better they make it. so I wrote every single night. Give yourself a time and a place to be sad. Let it out. and then move on. dwelling on it only makes it worse. I use the shower. lol My wife friends and I call it a mini bath.. I turn the shower on sit down and cry, yell, think, anything!  just let it all out.. then I let it wash down the drain, stand up, shower, and leave it there. Dont let it follow you around all day!

 

 BC is training for the future not only for him but for you. He will get more stressed, there will be more variables. and you will get more stressed as well... You have got to learn now that the amount he communicates to you is not indicative of how he feels about you. Believe me when you go 10 days with no contact whatsoever (and thats a short stretch of time for some people) You have GOT to trust your relationship with him and trust he loves you and wishes he could talk to you and be with you. you have got to learn this now bc its not going to get a ton easier. I dont mean this to sound me its just you will drive yourself crazy thinking like this. One of the biggest lessons I am so glad I had coming into this was knowing that even if I dont hear from him for months I am still the number one thing in his life. (My dad worked out of town for 9 months out of the year when I was little I would literally go months on end without talking to him) Its going to make it a lot harder on him if you are questioning him due to the communication issue. I am not saying you are just warning. I hve seen couples FIGHT the whole deployment bc of stuff like this. Wives freaking out bc they dont call as soon as they hit port. Or they get money out before they call them. They end up fighting the whole port along with the next 2 weeks.

 

One thing to realize is you are stronger than you know. Literally millions of women have been in your shoes (many with even less communication then we are blessed with) and there are many more to come. Learn to become independent but still with him. It doesnt mean you dont need him you just realize that you can do this by yourself and be his support.

 

To sum it up as Christopher Robin told Winnie the Pooh

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”

 

PS I hope none of that came off rude I didnt mean for it too. I have some meds that are sort of messing with me right now lol. sometimes things come out wrong :)

[RochelleM]

thats good to hear! cause i didnt know if every day was to much. and i kinda like your shower idea! lol thank you :) and i like what you said about not questioning him due to communication, makes sense :) thank you sooo much! and i love that christopher robin quote!! 

[meagan5220]

lol my friends used to make fun of me then one day one of my friends that her husband is deployed with mine said that she was having a bad day and needed to figure something out and she had one and she suddenly figured it out and felt a lot better after crying it out. Typically the communication issue isnt something he can control.  so remember that too. :) you are welcome! me too!

[misskatiebabie]

hey rochelle! im in the same boat right now. dont give up. i feel the same way. on top of that. he PROMISED i would get the first letter and his parents (who hate me) got the first one yesterday. i felt like giving up && still sort of do. dont give up though! stay strong && fight for him && your love <3

[meagan5220]

Dont worry about who gets the first letter. :) Even if he sent yours first it still could be delivered later. Its not like phone calls that go right through it gets there when the post office gets it there. lol You might find you get them on the same day every week. For me it was Wed. I think :) might take some time for that first letter to get to you. Keep focusing on positive

[rachpfitz]

Rochelle,

I just joined and noticed your post, kinda fit well with me! my boyfriend graduates this coming friday 6/15 from GL, and this has been the most stressful 8 weeks of my entire life. My boyfriends letters started off brief but as they got more into routine he had more time in his day to write so they got longer. Up until the first phone call I was having a really hard time. I was so scared I would miss it and all these emotions running through me. When you get a phone call from them its the most amazing feeeling ever. Undescribable! Realizing how emotional I was and just the conversation we had and I could tell in his voice how much he missed me and loved me makes it all worth it. I received a surprised phone call about 2 weeks ago and we got an hour to talk, so as the weeks go on just be prepared at any time. Things do get better, I promise! My boyfriends division was also not doing good in their first couple weeks but as of yesterday they are up for "hall of fame" which as far as i understand is a big deal. When I get down some days even if I have already written, I add more to my letters or put song lyrics from our favorite songs.

My family is very supporitive but my friends not as much, it gets hard because they do not understand the feelings you have and they never will, its something no one besides us can fell. I had alot of people who I was never close with reach out to me and they were in military relationships and my friends saw how happy that made me and they started having more of an open mind on the situation. I made sure I still did things and didnt stay in sad everynight even if I wanted too. keep yourself busy, specially on days when you feel miserable. I wear his navy t-shirt to bed every night and spray my pillow with his cologne or else I cant sleep. Youll figure out what works for you!

Hope this helps a little! I always loved hearing from others! hope things are going good!