Am I the only one who gets freaked out reading all these posts?

[heathee12]

I feel like the more that I read about what may or may not happen the more freaked out I get, which I don't think is going to help anyone.  Also, the more I read the more uncertain that I feel because while I was excited that I get to go see my bf in 19 days for PIR I am almost pissed reading more about the fact that he could be anywhere for who knows how long.  I guess this is the reality of this?  Today is my SR;s 34th birthday and the prospect of not really seeing again in any permanent way isn't making me feel so pumped right now (though i just keep on writing super supportive letters).  I thought that I was doing really well and now it all seems really overwhelming.  We talked about me moving to where he gets stationed after A school but what if he gets deployed?  Does the wishlist of places mean anything?  Any thoughts/advice - he is going to be a yeoman. 

[meagan5220]

I say make alone time at PIR it will more than be worth it! I dont care if you have to make him fake that he suddenly got struck by some gross stomach thing! lol its worth it!

 

YAY! for being busy lol :) It really helps the days go by quicker!! I hear what you mean. When my husband and I started dating we both were really more planning on me graduating and going on with my education and him going on to bootcamp. but that didnt work out lol. I had never been happier and we spent as much time as we could together when we found out he was gonna go to BC earlier then planned. congrats on showing your work btw! great accomplishment!! One thing that will really help is having friends in the same situation as you... bc when they get back they understand that you are not gonna step foot out of your house for a week. lol :) I have had friends get mad bc when my husband comes home I vanish from fb and dont respond to text or calls as readily I never ignored them just wasnt sitting on fb as much ya know?

 

Moving can be very scary. Especially if you are settled in. I am young (22) but when we started dating I had my whole life planned out. I totally changed things around, I think it has worked out better actually bc what I want to do now is more focused then it was before and more definitive. and I am even more driven to get exactly what I want out of life. I know its hard to get up and move but it can also be a beyond great opportunity. For me I have found a place I sort of would REALLLY like to work at but they dont have a place like it where I am now so its gonna really be nice if I can get a job there!

 

My husband is deployed right now :( Sadly we should be over halfway done, but we jsut got hit with two extensions back to back and now we are more than a month away from our halfway point. Mostly my support system is other wives. My Dad was in the military when I was super young so my mom and I talk alot too. My dogs are my lifeline. They keep me sane. and I have decided that I REFUSE to be a woe is me wife this deployment. I cant change it so I am going to make the best of the situation. I work on getting him care packages that make him smile, being a better person, a better friend, moving, setting up, etc. I talk to my best friend sometime about stuff but tbh I am a very internal person. If I am not talking to my husband about my fears or anxieties I have maybe one other friend that I can talk to and she just got back from a deployment. For grad school I am looking at an online program through the University of Portsmouth which is a school in the UK. Its Foresnsic Psychology of Children. I have a bachelors in psychology and a bachelors in forensic science and I recently decided I really want to be a counselor for children that have been victims or witnesses of violent crimes. No worries :) We got married actually a year ago on the 14th! Hard to believe we have been married a year lol

[heathee12]

To start - happy almost anniversary - that is awesome!!! It must be tough to not have him around to celebrate (though you know that you are totally in his heart wherever he is).  When did he ask you to marry him?

I think that you have a great attitude and outlook about everything - it is all about how to make things - you can make them shitty or you can make them good - that is a choice.  Though some days it is definitely easier then others.  How old were you when you started dating your husband? It really sounds like you have your life together!!! If you want to get your Master's do it! I had mine by 26 and it is one thing that I am glad I did when I had the opportunity because now would be really tough. You want to have the time to fully immerse yourself!  If you do this program online will you have an opportunity to interact with classmates | do casework | research etc.? That is a really interesting combination of fields.  Where are you based now?

I have my bf's cats so that helps a ton!  I think that I owe you a pep talk sometime so feel free to let me know when you need it.  Your post totally helped! What kind of dogs do you have?

THANK YOU

[virginiagirl]

I am freaked out too. Beyond freaked out. I think I am overwhelmed with information, but reading what everyone has wrote makes me feel alot better. My husband is in the Reserves, but who knows what will happen once he finishes A school. His PIR is on the 30th of this month. I can't wait to talk to him about everything IN PERSON. Im so new to the military... I have a stack of books to read just so I understand the abbreviations and acronyms. Glad to know I am not alone in all of this :)

[Kristen]

I had a similar problem, when me and my husband got engaged just before he left for boot i didnt get much support at all, and if i did it was mostly fake. You have to go in knowing, yes it is hard, and yes you might not be able to talk everyday, and he will be gone for long periods at a time, but, it is doable. If you love each other it is amazing the things you can get through. You said you write letter, keep it up, i know my husband loved getting my letter and wanted me to send one every day to keep him updated and to help make him feel closer to me and home, they do help. As for deployments, me and my husband are going thru our first one now, i email everyday and send care packages often, it helps me feel like i am helping and he loves it! Make some good friends and go out, keep yourself buys and what ever you do dont count the days it will go a million times slower if you do that. but in all honesty, if you are keeping busy and emailing/writing  time will go by very fast it isnt all bad, it is tuff some nights but in the end it is so worth it. 

[sailorwifenmom]

I agree with the other ladies! 

Something else to keep in mind, while, in a lot of ways, the military life can seem crazy and hectic, and it can seem overwhelming to those that are new to it, it's not really as chaotic or unstable as it appears from the "outside", if that makes sense.  For example, as has been mentioned, once you get through your initial schools and stuff, you usually get stationed somewhere for 3 years.   You know going into it that you are going to be there that long - it says so on your orders.  Unless your Sailor is in a very specialized unit (such as SEALS), you pretty much know when deployments are going to happen (even if you can't tell anyone because of OPSEC), and you have time to prepare for them.  There's support (of all sorts) available for families.  There's marriage strengthening classes and retreats.  There's a whole community of people who are in the exact same boat (sometimes not just figuratively, but literally!) as you are, and who understand and are supportive - both online and at whatever base you're at.

As someone who has been a long time Navy spouse, I can tell you with 100% certainty that if you want your relationship to work for the "long haul", YES, the Navy is going to require a certain level of flexibility from you, as far as moving, deployments, etc, - BUT - that flexibility does NOT automatically mean a weaker relationship.  It is entirely possible to have a very strong, very healthy, very committed and happy relationship to someone in the Navy, and it's entirely possible to raise very stable, well adjusted, happy kids (who, in a lot of ways, are better off than their peers, because they are very well traveled and have a world knowledge their peers don't have). 

In fact, in a lot of ways, I find that this can make your relationship stronger - you learn to value the time you have together, and when you're apart, you still can communicate with each other - and when you do, you're REALLY "talking" - it's not where you fall into that trap of the majority of your conversations being about who took out the trash, who is taking the kids to the dentist and who is taking the dog to the vet, and the oil needs changed.  You talk about feelings, thoughts, dreams, etc as well.  Some of the most romantic and sweet letters you will ever get are ones sent while they are deployed :-)

I get that it can be scary, and it can seem overwhelming, but please don't let it overwhelm you - you can do this, and we're all here to help you over the rough spots!   :-)