Any one have a sailor on HST

[andrea d]

Hi ladies,

Any other ladies out there with their sailor on the Truman. Its been 5 days since my sailor deployed. Yes I know I will drive myself crazy counting the days. This is my first deployment ( it is his third). I thought I could manage with the support of my friends but I have already found that they don't get it. I keep hearing comments like " you knew what you were getting into and " you chose this life". I didn't choose the life I choose the man. I don't have any military friends or family to talk to so I thought I might find some comfort here. I have been on this emotional rollercoaster. I don't know what to do. I try to keep busy and I am trying to stay strong and I don't let myself break down. Please if any one has any words of advise please

thank you  

[Jmae12]

Hey Andrea, I just added you as a friend. My husband is on the Truman. :) PM me if you ever want to talk :)

[andrea d]

Thank you I would love that

 

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

Let yourself break down.  It's ok.  No shame in it, we've all had our times.  My hubby and I were together 2 years and had a baby (and he became my son's stepdad) before he went to bootcamp.  Lots of life experience there, we were both past our mid-20's.  I still cried.  I did it in the shower when the kids were asleep and couldn't hear me.  Six months after finishing A-School, he's on his first deployment now, he's been gone about 2 months, I just got word he's been extended 3 months.  Sucks ass.  I've cried.  It's ok.  You can talk about it.  You can message me/friend me if you want to talk.  My DH is on a craft traveling with the Pearl Harbor.  I think I have it easy because I was divorced/a single mom  before I met him and I met him before he even applied for the military, so I am used to being on my own.  Sure, it sucks. But you get through it. We are strong, we get through it.  And part of the reason is because there are strong men, standing up for our country and we are there for our man.  He's worth it.  He's worth it or he's not, that's how I see it, and you act accordingly. 

[loveispatient]

Hi Andrea,
Try not to get too frustrated with your friends, like you mentioned they don't understand. I often get "I couldn't do it." They don't realize that their comments are not helpful or reassuring. That's why you have us ;) my advice to keep you from driving your self crazy is read and do research on where your babe is... it might put you at ease. Plus you can talk to your sailor with more insight about what he is doing :) keep your self busy, stay positive and strong. Imagine how amazing the reunite will be when he is home.

[ohwhere]

 

Hi Andrea,

I'm tearing up just thinking about deployment with my husband. I totally get what you mean about friends not getting it. My husband is still in A school and then has C school so I can put off the dreaded first deployment for a while. That's a really crummy thing to say that you signed up for this. It still doesn't make it any less hard. The only advice I've gotten from friends with husbands in the Navy is to stay busy. I did that while he was in Boot Camp and it helped, but man was that harder than I EVER could have imagined. I cried daily. I cried in the car on the way to work. I cried if a song came on. I spent a lot of free time writing him letters and looking up information about PIR and all that stuff. It helped. I agree with loveispatient that you should research as much as you can. It helps you feel more connected to what he is doing and where he is. I have already watched a documentary on Navy Life on a ship and I probably will watch it again a million more times when my husband leaves. It's called Carrier if you are interested.

http://www.pbs.org/weta/carrier/

Hang in there. At least time will continue to move forward whether you are sad or not and eventually this will pass and you will be together again. You are not alone. Take Care :-)

[andrea d]

Thank you everyone for all the encouraging words. It has been very helpful to read them. I have been lucky to be able to talk to him via email at least everyday, well so far anyways. they moved him from days to nights so now he said contact will be a lot less. I am preparing his care package and finding things to do to stay busy. Thank you again so much. You all are great.

[Eryn]

Well... my fiance is 4.5 months into his first deployment. The bad news is, it sucks. A LOT. I cry a lot. I miss him everyday. It's weeks between phone calls and usually a few days between emails. BUT the good news is, 4.5 months are already done!!!! It gets better!. At least it did for me. The past few weeks or maybe month I haven't felt as depressed. I've gotten used to the fact that he can't email me everyday like he did at first, and now it's just a lovely surprise when I hear from him.

Advice: send care packages (I have so much fun putting them together and decorating them); use flat rate boxes; don't pay for insurance because it's only insured until it gets into military hands; don't send anything expensive - it's not worth the risk of it getting lost or damaged; be careful what you send, it could take over a month for it to get there; don't hold things from him 'because he's deployed', but at the same time I've learned that for me/us I don't need to tell him every single time I'm sad or have a bad day - communication is limited and I'd rather talk about other things, but sometimes if I'm having a really hard time I will tell him about it; send him pictures; there is limited space for keeping personal items, so I always ask him before I send anything that's not food to make sure he wants it and has room for it; be confident in your relationship, don't let yourself get worried just because he can't tell/show you he loves you all the time.

This is a personal choice, but I don't really talk about it all to my family/friends. I have one good friend I talk to because even though she doesn't understand she just listens and she doesn't make stupid comments. I have two girls that are married to sailors that went to boot camp with my fiance (that I met on here) and I text them a lot. I also have a few close friends (mil gf/wives) I text a lot that I met through twitter. It helps so much to have people to talk to that understand.

[andrea d]

Thank you Eryn,

I am working on a care package. I started a deployment journal that I write in every night so that I can "talk" to him. I will give it to him when he gets home. I also got in touch with the FRG from his squadron. I will try and make it to Norfolk for a couple meetings while he is gone. That way not only will I have the support now but I will have the support when I move up there when he gets home. Staying busy has defiantly been helpful and now that I am some what done boohooing that he is gone I have been able to start planning the wedding.

All of you on here have helped so much. I found this group by happenstance and I am thankful for it. You all are so supportive and its an active group.