Arguments

[Bgirl23]

Hey girls.  Me and my boyfriend have been apart for over 4 months now and I've noticed that we seem to be fighting over everything lately.  It's almost like we lost patience with eachother.  He has a lot of insecurities being away from me because he's afraid of losing me (plus the stress from school and being homesick) and I obviously miss him a lot.  For some reason this is just making us fight way too much.  Is this normal?  It almost seems like boot camp was easier than his schooling.  Being able to talk but not see him almost makes it harder to me.  Just wondering if anyone has gone through this and has any advice :)  Thank you!

[waterpologrl]

I'm dealing with the same exact thing right now.  My biggest problem is that we'll argue over something and later talk it out, but I move on and get over it and he brings it up all the time.  This makes me frustrated and then we get into the same fight again. He can't just let things go and then when I bring that up to him, he just blames every thing on me even if he did something to start the argument. I understand that he's going through a lot and is lonely, but fighting every time we talk on the phone makes me want to talk to him less and I feel like if we're going to fight like this every time he's gone, it's not going to work out :(

[Bgirl23]

this is exactly how i feel....its gotten to the point where he just keeps saying hes so miserable and lonely and all this and Im trying to be there for him.  But when hes constantly arguing with me and picking fights and blaming it on me its hard to keep my head up as well.  He tells me he doesnt know what will happen to us and it destroys me to hear that.  I'm not doing anything wrong, and ill be the first to admit if i did...hes just losing his mind.  I really feel so lost it hasnt gotten any better since i originally posted this.  He brings up the same fights no matter how many times we "resolve" it.  He doesnt believe what Im saying....

[waterpologrl]

My boyfriend and I got into an argument because he said he's going to start smoking again because he's bored.  And then he turned it into you don't like anything that I do and him sending me a message saying maybe it's not working because we fight so much.  So I thought that meant he wanted to break up but when I called him that night, he was mad at me for suggesting that it meant he wanted to break up. So we talked it out and I thought we were fine. 

Then last night as soon as I got off work, I got a text message from him "I'm sorry I can't do this in person.  This relationship is getting hard and not working for either of us.  Being in the military is a very important part of my life and its made us fade apart.  The distance is making it really hard to make it work.  I would like to remain friends but I need some time to get my head straight.  I know this is hard, but I just hurt you too much"

1. I can't believe that he would break it off over a text message instead of calling to talk to me

2. Why would he break up with me when 2 days earlier he got mad that I said his text sounded like he wanted to break up?

I'm just really upset right now.  What gets me is that he got leave less than a month ago and was talking about proposing sometime next year, then a few weeks later breaks it off.

Honestly, I think that he just wants to fit in with his Navy buddies. He went from being very mature for his age to completely immature and explains it as now getting to be himself more.  He started drinking a lot more, smoking, doing hookah, and hanging out with guys who sleep around and have no gfs, and that's who he wants to be now

 

[waterpologrl]

He called me the next day to explain his actions.  He said that's it's not about the fitting in with his buddies (even though I think to some degree that's an influence on his decisions).  It's apparently about hurting me.  He said that his actions and the distance is hurting me and he cares so much about me that he doesn't want to make me upset so he dumped me so that he would stop upsetting me and so I can be with someone else because I deserve better. Then he went on to say that he still loves me and wants  to marry me someday, but doesn't think that I should stay with him. And he wants me to be with someone else as long as I'm happy. I take this as him being insecure.  I don't understand how he can truly want me to be with someone else if I am the girl he wants to marry someday...

After talking for a little while longer, he said that breaking up with me was a bad decision and he wants me to be his girlfriend again, and wishes he could take back the last 24 hours.  He said he knows he has to earn my trust to get me back and prove himself to me, but he doesn't know how.

I told him that I have a lot to think about.  Of course I still have strong feelings for him, but I am really hurt and upset with him for breaking up with me, especially by text message because of his insecurities. He said he wants to be friends, even if we don't get back together, but I feel like a friend wouldn't hurt me this much.  I do miss him, but I don't know what's going to stop him from acting this way again.

Advice?