Boot Camp.

[enoladawn]

So I'm dating/ engaged to my wonderful boyfriend! We haven't been together long and we both want to make this work. He is leaving for boot camp in September and I'm going to college in August. Everyone is warning me that it's going to be very hard on both of us, considering I see him pretty much every day right now. I'm kind of lost as far as what to expect! He is going into the submarine program after boot camp and I know that after school he has like 6 months on six off? (Something along those lines.) That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge though. When he goes to the "official" swearing in before he leaves I know I can ask questions then, but I am a worrier! Does anyone have any advice or wisdom they could just give to me? I would SO grateful. 

[Anti M]

Oh, it will be difficult, but not impossible.  

The boot camp group will be your lifeline there are many good links in it. Explore them, and have him read a few too.  

http://navyformoms.com/group/bootcampmoms

Ah, subs.  My nephew is on a sub.  The six in port, six out was for certain types of subs with two crews, and I believe they are changing that.  Nephew is on a fast attack, their schedule is quite different, and yes, he is gone a lot.  Don't worry about the sub part until it happens, because there are too many variables, and too much which public posting is not an option (OPSEC).  

Look at the boot camp group, see if it answers questions, or just generates new ones!

[lovemysailor28]

How long have you been together? I'm not trying to be negative at all, but consider everything. Will it be your freshman year of college? Will you want to be "tied down" to someone while you're experiencing all these new things/meeting a bunch of new people? You don't want to resent him later on for maybe not enjoying college as much as you could have. Will you want to get married and follow him to where he is stationed because if not that'll be REALLY hard. It'll be distance for the next four years. I'm sorry but these are really important conversations to have.. I had to have them with my boyfriend at the time (husband now) and we had been together 3 years. It is a BIG commitment. So don't take it lightly!!! I'm sorry :(

Once you do that.. My advice is to just cherish and appreciate the time you have with him right now. Don't spend time dwelling on how hard basic is going to be, just enjoy how easy it is now. Also, don't build it up in your head! Likely you are expected it to be much worse than it truly will be. I did that. I worried about it for months and now that it is finally here (3.5 weeks down!), I'm realizing that it is not too terrible! You come to appreciate him so much more!! I mean getting letters is like Christmas day! So special.  Family & friends will be there to support you every step of the way also! :) 

[enoladawn]

We have been together almost a year now, and he was really eager to propose once he made the decision. I am going to be a sophomore this year and we have had talks, sorta. He is terrified that I'm not going to want to be with him when I go back to school so I guess that's why he proposed so soon. I told him though I don't want to actually get married for awhile but, he isn't close to his family and says that there's lots of benefits he wants me to have. I don't know about following him where he is stationed. (like I said I don't really know how all of this works.) Would I just live like off base on in the town or?? This whole thing is sorta scary for me. And I thought that you couldn't talk at all while in boot camp except for that first phone call. I feel a little bit better now. I think we can with stand it, because I have to go to Nepal for my second semester this year so we were sorta preparing for the distance thing. Do they stay on base for part of their term and is it even possible for me to be closer to him while he is in the navy. I thought the entire thing (His service.) was long distance. I feel like such a little kid! 

[Anti M]

While he is in training, he must live on base.  There are some exceptions for married sailors with long A schools over 20 weeks.  

Once he is at his first command:   Single sailors at the paygrade E-4 and below are assigned to live on base, or on their ship.  They can stay offbase out of pocket, but it is expensive.

Married sailors get a housing allowance for their dependents.  It be used to rent privately, or be applied to "base" housing.  Most base housing is actually privatized and located off base in neighborhoods.  You just have all military neighbors.  You usually can choose which option you'd prefer.

You need to be married to get a paid move to his duty station, but since you'll be in school, that doesn't matter much.  Also, if he get overseas orders, there's a good chance you won't be able to go, it is based on his paygrade.

Financially, it makes sense to be married before he joins, but be sure it doesn't interfere with your tuition/finance.  And marrying doesn't lock in a relationship, sad to say.  

I was in the Navy, my dad was in the Navy, I married a sailor.  Yes, there are times apart, but often there is pretty normal family life.  The first year or two are most difficult.

[enoladawn]

Thanks you guys are awesome, I think him and I need to have a more serious talk though. I agree I'm kinda worried about that because I don't want the distance to be a huge issue and then end up having to get a divorce in the middle of college. You said the first two are the worse? Maybe we should just hold of until after then then. See if we can do the two years and make the move from that point, because I got a full ride to college and I also got a little bit extra to live on, from scholarships, so I don't need the money.

[Anti M]

Full ride scholarship?  Do not lose that.  I was apart from my husband the first two years we were married because we were stationed far apart, only got rare visits.  We worked it out, and have been married 28 years now.  Two years is difficult and stressful, but in the long run, it is nothing.  

You can make it work, just hang in there, be faithful and trustworthy, ride out the bumpy bits, then reap the rewards.  

[enoladawn]

Yea I go to a private liberal arts school and it's cool every week I volunteer for 8 hours and attend a group meeting and in exchange everything is paid for it's part of a really amazing program. In fact my boyfriend is the one who helped me get in. He said that they get like 24 days off a month after schooling is over? or something like that.So I guess I could deal with that if we spread it out. I don't even know if that's allowed I guess we will find out more later on down the road.

[Anti M]

They earn 30 days a year of paid leave.  However, after school, it is usual for them to be granted a week or two of leave, no more, en route to their first command.  He may have earned 24 days by the time he graduates A school, but that doesn't mean he gets to use it all at once!

Once they are in the fleet, then when they can take leave depends on their command and deployment schedule.  Also, as the new guy, leave is only granted after he finishes his qualifications and such.  So many variables!

Your school program sounds amazing.