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My boyfriend is in boot camp right now and is on week 4 day 4 I believe and I got a letter yesterday, very short. He said he didn't have a lot of time to write last week due to it being Hell Week and he is outrageously busy. Well we had planned on this engagement deal for a bit of time and he proposed in a letter and of course I said yes but we want his family to be around when he officially does it with the ring. Well in his letter yesterday he said he would like to wait til he gets leave from A school in July, I mean I don't mind but he mentioned getting to stay with his female cousin since she lives around there and I'm afraid something may go wrong because she is about his age, maybe older, and I know she has girl friends that are about his age as well and I'm terrified of him talking to new girls. He is a shy guy and will not talk to anyone at first, especially women, but since boot camp is gonna be working that shyness out of him, he will be able to talk to anyone he likes at any point. So I have a gut feeling he knows he may meet someone new and better than I and I definitely don't want that happening since I have already planned on spending the rest of my life with this boy. I believe our biggest problem is that we are 3 years apart and I'm in my last year of high school...

Will someone respond with advice to cope with this please? I don't know what to do about this problem...

Thanks for reading!((:

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Replies to This Discussion

if your love is strong and true, you shouldn't have any doubts. you shouldn't even worry. i'm not saying your relationship isn't strong, but you know what you have. if it's strong and meant to be, don't let your head and your thoughts get the best of you. my girlfriend is at boot camp so i know how you feel....it's so hard mentally. she's been gone since feb 19th...it's really difficult. but you'll find strength you didn't know you had.

Thank you. He has been gone since Feb 5th and I'm so lonely. I have no friends, I live far away from anyone I would ever talk to and I just wish I could talk to him on the phone rather than in letters.. It's killing me. His A school is gonna be 14 weeks... I hate this so much!

hang in there!!! The best part about boot camp is coming soon!! I just went through exactly what you are going throught. My fiance and i got engaged in boot camp and are still working out the wedding plans..trust me its not as easy as it sounds with the military. lots of factors you have to watch out for so keep that in mind with your planning. nothing can be done last minute and navy has to be aware of the situation in plenty of time. Do you know where he will be going for a school? I am not sure what you mean by getting to stay with his cousin? they only get overnight stay in phase 3 and he wont be in that phase till close to the end of A school.

ok back onto your original topic- If you are getting married you guys need to be able to trust eachother. way easier said than done but you have to try. I am always having those thoughts of what girl is my sailor talking to and do any girls try to get with him and things like that but deep down I know he would never do anything like that. It is always hard becuase you never know for sure what they are doing but if you have faith in your relationship everything will work out.If you ever need someone to talk to just let me know and i will be here to listen. I know what its like to have no one to talk to that understand how you are feeling.

I come from a history of major trust issues so I know if i can do this you can to!!! stay strong you are almost done!!!

His cousin lives right by his a school which is a mile down the road from the graduation base. I trust him I just don't like other women talking to him. I'm a very jealous person. We have decided we weren't going to get married until we have been living together and on our own in our house for a while. With the way his family talks and mine, they think he is more scared of me cheating because he is gone for a long time. I will never cheat. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him especially with him being gone like that. I believe boot camp will make our relationship stronger and I hope he still loves me as much or more than he did when he left. I have been putting a lot of thought into what he means when he wants me to realize he will be gone for a long time. He wants me to make sure I know what I'm getting into with marrying him. If my brother and sister in law can do, then I pray to god that we can too. My brother and sister in law were in the same situation as me and my sailor. I just can't wait to hear his voice again when he can call on the 29th. Thanks so much for the advice. (:

Be aware that it may be quite difficult to live with him while he's in the Navy, at least initially.  He won't have the money or permission to live off base until he makes E-5, and that can take years.  I suggest you read the discussions on here about when to get married, and how single sailors get their orders, living offbase, unaccompanied overseas orders, and so on.  There's a ton of information which you need in order to make realistic plans.  

anti m- what do you mean they cant live off base till e5? I am getting married april 16 and we are planning on living in an apartment together off base. he is an e2. Is this possible or do we have a big surprise coming our way?

 

Married Sailors can, and you will get BAH, which is a housing allowance.  Except in VERY rare situations (and then it's needs of the Navy, not wants of the Sailor) single Sailors cannot, even to live with girlfriends.  Basically,  the Navy gives them a place to live - the barracks, and to give junior, single, Sailors money to live out in town when they have barracks available is a waste of funds and resources.  Since families cannot live in the barracks, as a married couple you will either get housing or money to offset the cost of living out in town.

Married sailors can live offbase once they are in the fleet.  School commands are a little bit different, they need to get special permission.  

I was responding to buggabee who said she wanted to live together before they get married.  

ok thanks I was starting to get a little worried there :). there are so many different rules and things its hard to keep them all straight.

You're right about so many rules, and then things can vary so much... you have to figure out what is "essentially" a hard and fast rule, and where the wiggle room is.   

Wow. Yeah I remember him telling me we couldn't live off base til he was an e 5 but I don't think he understands that maybe if we were married we could live off base. He said even if we were married we couldn't live off until e5. Another question... Does the navy help pay for my college schooling??? Would I need to be married?

There are a few scholarships for spouses, but with budget cuts, I don't know how things will go.  Nothing for girlfriends, you don't exist. Harsh but true.

Yes, married sailors get to live offbase.  Only exception would be if they're on unaccompanied orders or isolated duty where their spouses were not present.

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