Conflicted. Advice?

[Leiatherabbit]

Hi :)

So, I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience to what I'm going through? If so, I could really use some advice.

Here's the basic story.

I'm 17 years old, and currently a sophomore in college. My boyfriend is 19 and waiting for boot camp, which will be in March.

We met last November through a mutual friend while he was attending college in Texas, where I live. Due to financial reasons, he had to quit attending and move back to his home in Colorado.

We hit it off right away and sort of started talking and moving towards dating, but we'd only known each other about a month when he found out he couldn't come back. So we just decided to try long distance friendship and see if we drifted apart. Well, long story short, we've now been dating several months long distance.

He started discussing the possibility of military about six months ago, and we've always talked everything out and I'm definitely okay with him being in the Navy. :) As for the long distance, we already do that, so I don't think it will be an extremely hard adjustment. We have a really close relationship and both think we can make it work. :)

But, my family is against it... Their opinion basically is that I'm young and I can find someone else, and I don't need to get caught up in a serious relationship yet. I don't really know how to handle it or explain to them. Right now it's just a constant source of tension. Has anyone else experienced anything similar??

P.S. If anyone is open to private messaging, I'm kinda bummed and need to vent. XD

Thanks, everyone!! :) This group is the best! <3

[Leiatherabbit]

Thanks so much!! Yeah the problem is they don't really seem to want me with someone in the military. And although the military isn't for everyone (I personally would never join haha), I think it's a great opportunity for my boyfriend and I totally support him. My parents think he should go back to college, but he really wants the military experience. I don't know, I guess they just imagined "better" for me? Haha but then I guess parents never think anyone is good enough for their child. :P

[char2008]

Parents with issues trusting children? Yeah. We all encounter that problem, dearie. Thing #1: You're 17 and a sophomore in college already? Holy cow! Clearly you are smart and able to make your own decisions. Your parents can see this and should be able to negotiate.

Thing #2: If they are not able to negotiate this, can they really stop him from sending you letters? Probably not. And you'll be 18 soon anyways, and then can do what you want. 

Thing #3: I was in a long distance relationship with my now SN bf. You think it will be similar. It's not. Because right now you have the option to call/text him whenever you want. Once he leaves for basic, you get nothing. For 2.5 weeks. Well 3 weeks for most people, depends how close you live to chitown. 

Thing #4: When he leaves, keep yourself busy. Do whatever you can. Make plans before he leaves with everyone, write it all down on a calendar, take it one day at a time and breathe.

Hope this helps! 

Good luck, love!

[Leiatherabbit]

Well, they don't block the relationship. It's more just constant negative remarks. So I'll be able to send letters still. :)

I know it will be harder than I think haha. XD Right now we at least get to talk daily. I was mostly referring to the whole physical aspect of being separated. And the fact that being long distance means I didn't have the option of becoming one of those girlfriends who drop all their friends for their boyfriend. So I very much will still have a life while he's gone. :)

Thanks so much! :)

[CandyCraver23]

Hey I know exactly what your going through! I went through really the exact same thing, private message me if you want we can talk about it :)

[Leiatherabbit]

Okay awesome! Thanks so much. :)

[Dreamer1118 SHIP 13 DIV 314!!!]

You can private message me. I sorta went through it but it was kinda different situation. I'd write him when he goes in. Wrost case sen. Write letters but send them via friends address if need be. That is if they ok it?

[Leiatherabbit]

Okay thanks! :) I'll be able to write letters, so that's not an issue.

[EmilyNicole98]

I'm 18 and starting my second year of college and my 22 year old boyfriend is currently in bootcamp...my parents were against it at first because he's "too old" for me and because they think I'm too young to know what I want and shouldn't be in a serious relationship. They've gotten better after spending time with him but they still seem to not be totally okay with it. I might be transferring schools after this year to be with him and they will probably stop helping me financially if I do so. My grandmother is still against it even after spending time with him and acts like we'll forget each other while he's away... So I definitely understand if you want to talk!!

Also, being long distance normally is waaayy different than being long distance with someone in the military...the first 3 weeks of bootcamp were hell because we had zero contact. There's really no way to prepare yourself for what it's like.

[Leiatherabbit]

Yes, thank you!

And I know boot camp is gonna suck. XD I'm just talking about the physical aspect while he's away in school and whatnot. 

[howarda14]

Girl I totally feel ya lol. (sorry for the totally imformal language :)) I just turned 18 like 4 days ago and I've been with my SR for 6 months... Just like the two of you, we hit it off immediately and started dating. We get along fantastic and I couldn't ask for a better man in my life. I'm attending college in kentucky this fall and he's getting ready to go to A school probably within the next month. I wanted to wait to make any big decisions about a next step in our relationship until I finished my bachelors degree, but with him being gone these past 8 weeks I've realized that I really really want to be with him now even though we haven't been together that long. I've decided that if our relationship is still going strong (which I have a very strong feeling it will be) when I'm done with my freshman year then I'm going to go with him and transfer colleges regardless of what my parents think. The moral of the story: If it feels like the right thing to do then go for it no matter what anybody else says, and if your family doesn't support you as much as you would like you can always come here. That is personally why I joined... unfortunately my family just doesn't understand fully what women like us go through on a daily basis so they can't relate.

 

Feel free to message me if you want:) I'm always up for some friendly venting lol

[Leiatherabbit]

Thanks!! Haha I didn't realize so many people have gone through this. XD It makes me feel better though. :)

[JLH]

Families are really hard to work with, that is for sure! I turned 18 in February along with my boyfriend, and we have almost been dating for two and a half years. My SR told me he wants to marry me, which I did tell both my parents about so they are not shocked if it happens in the near future. My mom had her own thoughts, but was still supportive of whatever decision I decided to make, my dad on the other hand was not happy with me. He was mad, but I am not his 'little girl' anymore, which I understand is hard for some dads. My boyfriends family is totally supportive of our relationship, they really know how much we care about each other and know we will make the right choice. My boyfriend is almost done with boot camp, only 19 more days!! I am attending college in the fall which will keep me busy while I have to be apart from him, and I also stayed extremely busy when he first left. I took my first online college class which was 5 weeks long and a ton of work!