could use some guidance from experienced Navy wives/fiances/girlfriends

[mollybub]

Hi, everybody. My fiance left for boot camp on the 26th of September, and I'm missing him pretty badly. I've been feeling better recently, as I'm focusing on our future together, rather than being alone in the present. We want to get married soon, so I can follow him when he is assigned to a base. I know it will be nothing more than a form marriage to start with - we'll plan a wedding when we have the money and time - but is it reasonable for me to think about getting married in the next six months? It's what we both want, and I have even thought about trying to visit him when he's in A school in Pensecola, so we can get married and he can register us as a married couple in time for us to apply for housing. It's a whirlwind, I'm realizing, but it's something I've been researching tenaciously. Could anyone offer some advice? I would appreciate it greatly!

[meagan5220]

Its true. and the people who are actually there for you will be ok with it eventually. :)

I understand military sort of makes things fast forward a little bit. You have to be prepared for anything it throws your way... even if your sailor isnt!! lol

 

As far as housing. When he gets to his command yes he should be fine living off base. Typically as long as the sailor is on time, not getting into trouble, and financially not in a mess they can do it. He wont get BAH usually unless he is married, over E5 and approved, or they dont have room and tell him to live off base. But he should be able to live off base. :) and you can live with him they really cant tell you no.

[Anti M]

The Navy does not care about his age, only his paygrade.  If he isn't getting BAH, and he won't if he's single and not an E-5 and the barracks aren't full... he'll need to maintain whatever room they give him, keep it inspection ready.  He'd be a ghost roommate of whoever shares the room.  That's about it, and he may need to be present for inspections, maybe not.  

The government is required to provide berthing/housing for him.  It is actually less problematic to live offbase if he's assigned shipboard berthing, most of the guys find another place to sleep than the ship! The Navy is trying to not have anyone living on the ships though, new program called Homeport Ashore which provides new privatized facilities which are like suites or mini-apartments.  They can have overnight guests in those, but you can't move in too.  If he gets in the Homeport Ashore program, they do get picky about the sailor taking up one of the new suites and using BAH for it and then not living there.  He'll know more when he checks in.

I found the barracks rules for WA:

http://www.navylifepnw.com/Portals/_Rainbow/documents/housing/UH_Ha...

[mollybub]

You are certainly right. Being married and having that legal connection will make all the difference in the world, in terms of being able to be together and share our lives. My fiance and I have been engaged for six months now, and in the past couple of months, have been planning on getting married sooner than we originally planned, because we discovered all of the benefits there are for Navy spouses. Also, the distance is not something we're keen about. We want to be together, and if that means moving up the marriage...well, that's more than okay with us. We still have so much to communicate about, though...why does boot camp have to be so hard? Haha.

I know how you feel. Most girls want that dream wedding, and I know I do, someday! For now, I can deal with something as simple as paperwork, if that means we have that connection. We agreed on that before he left, and he said he would give me a real wedding as a future anniversary present - he's such a sweetheart. Also, I can relate on the parents thing... Mine are supportive, to a point, but they definitely do not think I should get married - they can't let go of their little girl! Lmao, and that might be why your parents aren't as enthusiastic as you'd like them to me. Like I said, I feel you, absolutely! Just remember - it's a decision for you and your recruit to make together. Only the two of you knows what's best for you, and that's what I tell anyone who has a negative word about my fiance and I getting married sooner than we planned.

Hmm...interesting things in research...well, the amount of help the Navy gives is awesome. The housing, the food, lodging expenses, and the healthcare... It's not all perfect, for sure, but to me, it seems manageable, for a newlywed couple. Like I said, it's all about being together :) Also, are you a student? Personally, I am taking online classes currently, and I know there are scholarships for Navy spouses that you can look in to, as well as grants. That's a huge thing to me, so I have something to keep me busy when my fiance is deployed or not with me at home. I mean, I know I want my own career, you know? Anyway, housing options are tricky...I can't decide whether it's more beneficial to live on base, or off of base. Definitely something I have to look more in to. 

Being on our own right now is the hardest part, isn't it? At least, it is for me. Before, we talked about everything together, and now it's just me, trying to figure things out, although I write to him with my ideas, which helps. I'm just dying for a letter for him at this point, lol. 

Wow, long response! Sorry about that! I've been known to ramble,

[Anti M]

Housing... base housing isn't actually on base in most cases.  It is privatized.  Mostly very nice, and you don't have to think about paying rent and utilities, they come out direct deposit.  You have military neighbors so they understand your life and often become good allies.  Yet some sailors want nothing to do with it.  (I never did, I had been raised in housing, didn't like the proximity to so many kids)  It does take all the BAH though (mostly). Many bases have a wait list and you need to rent initially anyway.

 Renting means you can keep whatever you save on the BAH, but you must get the lease with the military clause, and you never quite know what neighbors you will get.  Also, the housing office has a list of areas and rentals not approved for military.  You have to find your place yourself, and have the deposit (start saving now, it is friggin' expensive everywhere).  

Comes down to availability and personal preference.

Spouses get a dislocation allowance, and the sailor might be able to get "house hunting" days off.  Maybe, and never at school.

Pets are a factor in both cases.  Do NOT get a big breed or "aggressive" breed puppy while your SR is in boot camp. Don't have more than a couple cats.  Don't get new pets at all until you figure out where you'll be moving.  What if you go to Japan or Hawaii?  You can take pets, but it is pricey.  No reptiles or birds going overseas.  Babies are cheaper to transport, seriously.  

[mollybub]

I have some questions! When you say that you need to rent initially, what exactly does that mean? Is it because of the wait list, or is that a requirement of the Navy? Maybe I'm being dense, but I want to be sure I understand everything I can. Also, if renting is a matter of the wait list, can I stay with family or friends, and my sailor stay on base, while we wait for base housing to open? 

And is the deposit the only thing we would be required to pay out of pocket? 

As far as dislocation allowance, can you explain that a little better? Sorry, I have a thirst for complete comprehension haha.

Pets shouldn't be a problem. If anything, we would have a cat. I've promised to take our oldest cat whenever I move, but she could always stay with my parents, if price was the issue.

[meagan5220]

The rent initially part means that they may not have a house available for you when you get to a new duty station so you might have to rent out on the town. You have to be very careful about that situation. Say if he is on a ship he might have a rack assigned to him but they may not let him live in base housing if he is married and pulling BAH. That goes back to being a geo bachelor. If he is getting BAH they are going to expect him to live off base pretty much.

 

The deposit thing if he is elligible for Dislocation Allowance that is about $2000 that can help cover the cost of the deposit. Also, for a move he can request a month of base pay in advance but he pays it back out of his paycheck for like the next 6-12 months to pay it back. but dont forget you will have other deposits like typically electric bill requires it, some times internet and a few other things. Plus its expensive to just set up a house in general. I have lived on my own pretty much for the last 6 years and I still needed to buy more stuff to get the house. I spent quite a bit getting stuff for the house... hell 7 months later and I am still buying stuff and have more stuff on my christmas list lol!

 

Dislocation allowance is money the navy gives to help cover the cost of moving for deposits and other things that you typically get rid of when you move like cleaning supplies. Your sailor has to make sure they apply for it. They do not automatically get that!! I think he can go into the Personal property office and ask them to help and show him where it is.

 

 

[mollybub]

So basically, if you're sailor is getting BAH, he and his dependents are living off base - and if he and his dependents are living on base, he's not getting BAH? Am I getting this right?

Thank you for explaining dislocation allowance! That is very useful to know! I can only imagine how expensive it will be, no matter what option we should take, but I guess you do what you have to do. I'll have to make sure my fiance understands that a lot of the paperwork stuff falls on him - not sure how much he is going to like that, haha.

[meagan5220]

If you live in base housing your BAH goes directly to the company. You never see it. If you are living off base housing, out in the town then you get bah in your paycheck and you are required to pay your rent and bills. Either way you will get BAH but if you live on base its like they take care of paying your rent and bills for you sort of.

 

You are welcome. Yeah a lot of the paperwork will be on him. He will have to step up lol. My husband doesnt like it either. Once you are married you can do a little bit more for him but its easier for him to do it at the base, and certain things you will still need a power of attorney to do without him. Yeah I would say start saving now. I started taking my lunch every day of the week. Peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches! Then I saved about $25-40 a week and after yall get married you will be getting BAH for where you are living to help with your rent so if you are financially stable if you can save that on top of it then it will be awesome. Another thing we also did was our families put together a basket for us, instead of wedding presents everyone just got us giftcards to walmart, bed bad and beyond, or gave us an old piece of furniture. :)

[mollybub]

Okay, I understand now! Thanks for explaining it thoroughly!

That is one thing I will have to remember, when my fiance and I get married, is to get that power of attorney. I've heard things can get real tricky, real fast if he is deployed and I don't have it, and I definitely wouldn't want that to happen. I'm always saving money! :) I try to spend as little as possible, because I know we're looking at very little to live on when we first start out. It's a good thing I'm used to getting by on small amounts of food - doesn't bother me, haha. I love the idea of the giftcards and furniture. I will definitely use that one, if I can. My parents are pretty generous people, when it comes to helping me out, so I'm sure they can help me in the furniture department. And birthdays and Christmas? You've got the right ideas with the giftcards!

[meagan5220]

You are welcome! :) I know it can be consfusing!

 

Yes a power of attorney is extremely helpful! I needed it to do everything while he was on deployment pretty much. If it had his name on it, then I needed a POA for it. lol. Only thing I could do without it was the bank account because my name was on it lol. Yeah I am like a penny pincher lol! Even though the military life can be hard with pay if you budget then you will be just fine! My husbands paperwork got messed up so we were living in WA at E1 pay for 6 months. We still managed to save $500 every month. I know a lot of people that cry they are broke every month but its because they blow their money on things they dont need. (not all but a good amount!)

 

lol yes giftcards are great because if you get them for places that will be where you are going then you can use them for whatever you want but they are still helping you out. :) its a win win.