Deciding whether or not to move?

[ProudNavyGf81 (Ship 11 Div 319)]

Well I took this quarter off of school in hopes of changing my major, however things did not work out for me. So I am now looking into transferring schools. Obviously I am looking into this as an opportunity to move to where my bf is going to be. Anyone know the chances of him being deployed or when? I know it differs for every sailor, but he is stationed at Whidbey Island to a squadron in Black Ravens Electronic Warfare. Is anyone familiar with this? My bf seems to think that he will not end up on a ship, and if he is deployed he will be going to another land base over seas or something. 

I do not want to commit to a school in WA where I know nobody and then have my bf get deployed and I'll be stuck there by myself. But I also do not want to transfer to another school down here in Southern California and not be able to be with him at all. So I've been thinking about maybe doing online schooling that way I'm not committing to staying in one area for the next one-and-a-half to two years, and it will give me the freedom of being able to move when the right time comes. 

So I guess what I'm asking is if any of you have been in a similar situation before? and if any of you are familiar with how things work at Whidbey Island?

Thanks! 

Emily

[Eryn]

I haven't been in this situation exactly. I am in a dental hygiene program until the end of April 2014 so I can't move anywhere, meaning my boyfriend and I will not be able to see each other much for a little over a year and a half. It definitely sucks so I would say make sure you keep your options open so you don't end up in the same situation as me. 

If you are working for a degree where you could start it at one school and transfer to another when it comes time to move I would consider that. Switching schools isn't really that bad, especially if you finish out the semester/quarter and then start the next one at the new school. If that's not something you could/would do I would definitely look into online classes. My experience is that online classes can sometimes be a lot of work but if you are disciplined and you think you can do it, I would go for it. It seems like it would be the most flexible option, and you need flexibility.  

[ProudNavyGf81 (Ship 11 Div 319)]

Yeah I agree I need flexibility. I'm still trying to keep my optiions open at this point, I am not ready to commit to either idea, a new school or online. But I need to make a decision relatively soon. My bf and I are already a long distance couple, so not being able to move right away isnt really an issue for me but I'm not willing to wait another two years to live with him if that makes sense. 

I'm just worried about him being deployed and being stuck in Washington by myself. That's really the only thing holding me back. But if I go with online I won't have to move to WA until I'm certain he is going to be there for awhile. 

Hopefully it all works out!! And for you too!

[EmilyNicole98]

I'm in a similar situation, but I've already decided to make the move...

I'm moving to WA sometime next summer after my fiancee gets back from his deployment.. I'm transferring schools (I'm currently a sophomore in MI), too. Originally we planned on me staying here for three years until I graduated but it became glaringly obvious during bootcamp that we needed to be together and I decided I couldn't stay here for an extra two years and make us both miserable when I had the option to take a risk to move. Moving to the other side of the country where I don't know a single soul is going to be the scariest thing I've ever done, but he's worth it. I've sought out girls in that area already, so I'll at least know SOMEONE when I get out there. 

[abuon18]

Unfortunately there is no right answer here. Moving is a big decision and not being married makes it difficult. I don't want to push anyone into getting married because when you are ready you will and its a mistake if you get married before you are ready but, unfortunately as a girlfriend you do not have access to many things that wives do, which do make it easier when he does get deployed. Now if you do decide to move and enroll in an actual school, not online you'll have no problem meeting people and making friends. I'm not familiar with your boyfriends rate or squadron but he can be deployed very easily. He can have months of notice, a month's notice, or even less. He could put in a request to live with you but it may not get approved especially if he's below an e-5. Also even if he does get approval to live off base I don't think he gets single Sailor BAH until he's an e-5 (I may be mistaken) since he is requesting to live off base & there is room for him in the barracks. So aside from being in school you'll probably need a job as well to help pay bills (not sure-you may already be working and in school. I worked full time through college!). You will not be allowed on base by yourself, you'll need him, so to go to the NEX, commissary, gym, etc. Make friends with his squadron buddies wives and girlfriends because when he's deployed you won't get any information about the deployment except through the communication you get with him (which is limited). As wives we have the FRG's and the ombudsmen, which work with the families of the ships and squadrons to help them through deployments and I'm not sure if girlfriends have access to those. So just some things to consider because you will really be alone when he deploys.

Financially if you move there, how will you afford it? (Don't have to answer just something to think about!)

[Eryn]

I agree completely with your rant. It really sucks being 'just a girlfriend' because you aren't immediate family so basically you don't count. I am the one that takes care of and supports my boyfriend and is always there for him. Yet I can't sign him out (of boot camp) on Thanksgiving because I'm not family. So instead of getting to spend the day together like we wanted to his dad has to come to sign him out. We have been together for a year and a half but we're not at a time in our lives that we want to get married. We really don't want to get married until I am out of school and have my loans paid off. But with how things are done in the Navy we have been feeling a lot of pressure to get married so that our relationship is actually recognized.

[meagan5220]

If he is at his command he shouldnt have to ask permission to live off base. He can live where he wants typically at his command, he just probably wont get BAH until e5 unless barracks are full, and he has to make sure he is on time or he could be made to sleep on the ship, and he has to make sure whatever barrack or housing they assign him is kept up to standards. Also, some FRGs and Ombudsmans do share information with gfs. they confirm still through the sailor but my sailor's FRG allows gfs.

[abuon18]

I completely understand the pressure and agree that the military lifestyle does encourage people to marry earlier than they would otherwise which is why I made sure to say I wasn't pressuring or suggesting that you get married! I would never encourage anyone to get married before they are ready. I began my Navy journey as "just a girlfriend" too so I wanted to give you some other things you'll need to consider.

[meagan5220]

Its gonna boil down to this... how are you going to be able to handle being up there by yourself. I mean unless the entire squadron is getting worked on then he probably will be deployed. Also know that if you move to WA and you get on a lease with your bf (which legally you are supposed to in most states if you live there and are over 18) then when he gets deployed legally they only have to let him out of the lease. Legally, they can make you stay and make you continue paying rent since you are not legally a dependent. While some apts might be nice about it they in no way have to do that. It could be hard financially to manage that while he is gone, it can be done but you will definitely have to make sure all your ducks are in a row before you do that. Also, have to think about what you will do with your stuff if your apt/house/etc does let you out of your lease. A lot of wives I know use storage units and use their BAH to pay for it. but if he isnt married he probably will not be getting BAH. Financially that can be harder to deal with paying for all utilities and rent on his check alone without BAH.

 

As far as online courses, it really depends on your major. There are some degrees that online are ok, but others where you need that hands on learning to really understand it and be able to apply it effectively and employers know that too! Also, transferring can sometimes set you way back when it comes to schooling. Other schools do not have to accept credits as transfers. You might look into getting an associates now and that way the associates will transfer as long as its an accredited school. Just another option I know lol. But might be helpful. The biggest problem with waiting to see if he will be stationary for awhile is that could drastically change in a day. There was recently a carrier that wasnt supposed to leave til dec for a short deployment and they ended up being told mid summer I think that they were leaving in August instead for a 7 month deployment or so. Doing some research it looks like his squadron has mostly been on carriers in the past. It also describes the squardon as a prowler that "conducts all weather, carrier based electronic warfare missions in support of the Carrier Air Wing". I would have him do some more asking around and see just exactly what the plans are for that squadron.  I also found somewhere else that says they are currently not assigned to a carrier, but they have been before so that is an option. Is he there yet? If so he can ask around about the deployment schedule. Even if he is in A school he might be able to ask more about their deployment rotation so you will have a better idea of what is going on.

 

[sailorwifenmom]

There is always a chance that they will deploy. But, on the other hand, even when they deploy, they aren't gone the whole time they are assigned there, so you would see him some. There are lots of opportunities for spouses and significant others to meet, form friendships, and be a support group for each other - especially when they're gone. If he does deploy, it could be with a ship or to an overseas location. There are squadrons that go on 6 month deployments out of land bases in Japan, and in the past, some of them have been from Whidby Island.

Other than that, it's a really bad idea (for OPSEC reasons) to discuss the likelihood of specific units in different places deploying, or what their operational schedule looks like on the Internet. A better way would be to ask your boyfriend to talk to his supervisors about it, explain what you are thinking about, and see what they suggest. They would be able to give you a much more secure and more detailed idea of what their specific schedule looks like.

By the way, that part of WA is gorgeous :-)

[ProudNavyGf81 (Ship 11 Div 319)]

That is a lot of information back! I was not expecting so many of you to reply, thank you SO much.. I will definitely have him ask around more and see if he can figure anything out about rotation. I think the more we know abou that the easier it will be to decide everything else. We have already started talking about getting married, but like some of you said a lot of couples are pressured into getting married because of the benefits. And I'm not feeling pressured at all, however I'm concerned that our families will think we are doing it for those reasons. And we aren't, we've already had the conversation that that is definitely not why, so I guess we just have to approach it that way with our families. 

As far as school, Im not trying to rush into that decision either. I do not want to have to go through the process of transferring more than once. So I need to make sure I am making the best decision. I am currently a Biology major, but changing it to Psychology. (Trying to get away from all of the chemistry classes! haha) So i'm not sure hands on is necessary for psych. And I will absolutely need to find a job if I end up moving up there, my Dad would kill me if I didn't  haha. So as far as that goes, I will be able to pay for some of the bills and what not. However like you said it would help if he got BAH, and he gets that only if we're married. I guess we can approach the benefits idea as a plus side to wanting to get married. I always said I wanted a longer engagement though, so we'll just have to see. 

I need more info from my bf before I can really decide anything! 

I just want to say thanks again for all of the info!!!! 

[meagan5220]

:) you are welcome lol

 

Its a double edged sword. My husband and I pushed our wedding plans up by a few months mostly for financial reasons. It would have been really hard for us to be able to afford moving without being on his orders. In fact I know we couldnt have. We also had to buy a new car at the same time. So we were almost zapped with that. I was a broke college student and he wasnt getting paid much either lol. but I definitely think you have to sit down and decide whats best for you not only emotionally but financially, and what you want for your life. Because in the end being happy is the important part.

 

As far as the degree, I am a psych major :) woohoo. I would say it sort of depends on what school you are attending. I cant imagine getting my degree online... but my professors were amazing! They added soooo much to my degree. I learned so much more than I can ever explain. It just really added to my own experience. But I think I would still have learned the material without it. lol Psych pofs are interesting! they are their own breed of crazy ;) lol

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

Here's my experience. 

I chose to go to my dream school when I graduated high school. I loved it there. I loved the school, I loved my friends, I loved the football, and I even got some pretty hefty scholarships that covered almost all of my tuition. 

I went through a 3 month deployment with him stationed in Washington and me in SC. I went to homecoming and realized that Washington was where I really wanted to be. We'd done the long distance relationship for 4 years, and I was sick of it. I cried over the decision for a few months. I was so torn between what I wanted to do and what I knew I should do I wanted to move to WA and spend every moment I could with my fiancee. I wanted to be there when he came home from sea and take care of things at home when he's not. But I couldn't imagine leaving my friends behind and going to a not as great school even further from home (Ohio) especially since there was rumors that his ship was leaving in August instead of December and would be gone for 8 months instead of 4. 

Well, when I went to visit in May, I knew what to do. We got married, I got accepted to UW Tacoma, and I planned my move. In early July, we got official word. And it was a bombshell for me to take 2 weeks before I moved my whole life across the country... The Stennis was leaving at the end of August, 4 months ahead of schedule, to return to the 5th fleet. 

I survived it. And the month I spent with my new husband was well worth it. I do miss my friends and my dream school like crazy. And it's super sad watching football games on the couch by myself instead of with my friends in the stadium. BUT. I don't regret moving here a single bit. It's not all fun, but I know the moment that he steps off that ship and we get to spend his time on dry land together, it'll all be worth it. 

I suggest following your heart in this situation. And decide what you're less likely to regret in the end. That's how I made my decision, but I think deep down I knew that this was a good opportunity for us to strengthen our relationship and I would do it in the end. And I'm so glad I did. :)

I may not know when my husband will be home, but I do know that I'll be waiting here for him and we'll have a home to go to when he gets off that ship.. and not a 2 day hotel room stay. :)