Deployment...and the changes in my sailor. Has this happened to you?!

[AshleySuperfly]

So this is exact opposite from my last post...I keep trying to be positive but...BAH!  It's hard!

So my boyfriend and I have only been talking and then officially together for about 7 1/2 months (combined time.)  That's not a whole lot of time, especially because 4 of those now, he's been deployed.  I've been REALLY lucky in that he usually has access to Facebook chat, and we talk several times a week through that and then we've skyped once.  So, we aren't lacking in communication, thank goodness.  

I do find myself missing him a lot though, so when I can't talk to him, I'll sometimes go back over past text messages/chat logs and just read them and remember those sweet things he says to me.  In doing this, I've seen a dramatic change in the way he talks to me now that he's deployed.  It's more "here's what I did today" and less "I miss you/I love you/Sweet talk/etc. etc."  Now, occasionally I'll get those conversations, but not like I did when he was just working in Norfolk on the ship and not deployed.  It scares me some days.  I sometimes try to illicit a sweet response, and it doesn't always work.  I don't know if it's just because he's now in full on WORK mode and there's no real down time in deployment or what.  

Also, he barely gets sleep some times (like yesterday, he got 2 hours in about 30 hours and had to be up for Flight deck duty after those 2 hours of sleep), and I've seen a correlation between romance side of him in relation to how much sleep he's gotten.  I know that has to have A LOT to do with it.

I also got jealous girlfriend on him the other day b/c his ex before me has been writing on his facebook wall quite a bit and it freaked me out.  (He told me he'd delete her from facebook if I wanted and anyone else I didn't trust, and I was so tempted to say "YES PLEASE."  hahaha But I told him I have no control over that!)  He kept saying he felt stress with us because of the distance and the tiredness and etc. etc. but he never mentioned this before deploying.  We were happy as can be.  He said straight up that he doesn't see us breaking up over any of this (because I sure did ask LOL), so I'm not terribly worried about that part, but it's still in the back of my mind.

Anyway, has anyone seen this with the deployed sailors?  I know it's hard on them trying to balance that job and a relationship.  I'm giving him a few days and not messaging him or anything so he can not worry about keeping me happy and not stress about about US.  Is that a good idea?  He can message me if he wants, but I want it on his terms.   

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.  Thanks ladies!! :-)

[AshleySuperfly]

Oh look at this: My love language profile is....
Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

That explains SO MUCH haha my next one was words of affirmation followed by physical touch.  I'm glad you told me about this...that's why I overreact so much!! :/  I'm gonna need to get over that.

If I had to guess, he's a physical touch person.  He loves to be touchy feely - hold hands, long embraces, kisses.  So I could see how he wouldn't understand my frustration when I just want to talk to him and he doesn't get it.  Eye opening...

[jazzelle29]

Yup.....deployment sucks for the most part. My daily emails have dwindled to once every two weeks and consist of "I miss you" and "I saw a horse trailer I liked on Craigslist".

BUT...

This is a guy I dated for a week before he deployed, we met only a few weeks before that...yeah...I know....!

Nearly eight months on and despite everything the Big Abe and life in general has thrown at us...my move back to my home country....(oh and did I even mention his batshit-crazy ex wife?!)... we are still communicating and still like a pair of goofy teenagers about the prospect of seeing each other again.

He works on the flight deck, doesn't have much access to a computer at the best of times and also has to manage his team of sailors and their needs and paperwork, of and do laundry, sleep and all the other essentials like eating lol!

Hang in there, keep sending those emails, its a great opportunity to grow and develop as a person and create a solid relationship...oh and make some friends too :)