Does it ever get easier?

[Stephanie]

So my boyfriend (hopefully fiancé soon) is at basic right now and in January I'm flying out to see him graduate, but while he's been gone I just feel so useless and like I have no one to hangout with because I hung out with him so much. Also when I wake up at night from a nightmare I get sad because he isn't right beside me to hold me. So does it ever get easier with him being away or no?

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

It's never easy, but you learn to cope with it. 

KEEP BUSY. Pick up extra hours at work or find a job (or a second one), take classes (or extra classes), volunteer, find a new hobby. Anything to keep your mind off of him. I swear it will help make the days fly by so much faster. 

Long distance relationships are totally possible with trust and communication, but you have to learn to stay busy so you're not sitting around pouting because you miss him.

Survived over 4 years of a long distance relationship and currently surviving month #4 of a deployment in a place that was very new to me when he left. You can do it. Just stay busy. :)

[Stephanie]

Yes I know I work 2 jobs, I go to school, and I take care of my niece and my nephew since my sister passed away. So I am very busy, its just at night when I lay my head down for bed or when I wake up in the morning and roll over to my phone and look at it, and usually I would see a cute text from him or even him himself laying next to me, thats when I get sad and I really miss him a lot.

[KJ<3ProudNavyGf Ship-14 Div-026]

YES! like someone mention, its never gonna be easy but it does get better. My boyfriend just graduated this past weekend and it was the best feeling in the world! the first few weeks i cried almost every night because like you, i was so attached to him and we'd do everything together, so having him gone felt terrible. But after i got his first letters, i noticed that time went by much faster, i looked forward to the next morning just to go check the mail, or to send some letters off, by the time i knew it, it was time for him to graduate. Unfortunately some of the guys in his division kept messing up so they took away all their calls, but by the last week he called several times since they did really good in their  exams. Now he's in A school, we're still apart but now we can actually talk, skype, or face time,its not the same as having them there but its much better than not talking to them at all! like right now he's on the phone sleeping, so we're not talking but at least i can feel his presence...so my advice to you is, hang in there, and concentrate on other things like planning your trip, that took a lot of my time and by the last week i even said "oh no i need more time" so keep yourself busy and no matter what, write to him all the time so you'll feel like you're actually talking to him...goodluck!

[Stephanie]

Yes I know I got his first letter and I cant wait to see him! what is your boyfriend in A school for?

[meagan5220]

 You make a decision at some point. (and this isnt meant to be blunt but I saw too many of my wife friends go through major depressions this last deployment because they made the wrong decision so if I can help you out then I would love to do that.) You either make a decision to get off your butt, and use your time in a way that makes you happy, helps it pass quickly, and still miss him or you make a decision to wallow in it. I know it seems blunt but its what ya gotta do.

 

My husband returned in August from a 5 month turned 8 month deployment. We have been married for 21 months and spent only 7 together (which is still a lot for some military couples). It doesnt get easier really you learn how to cope, you learn ways to make time go faster and you become your own person. Independence is truly a strength in this lifestyle. Believe me a deployment will fly by if you are actually enjoying the time! My husbands ship actually moved across their homeport across the country for this deployment and I moved out here ahead of 90% of the other wives. So I even spent months alone out here with my the friends I had here (2 of them to be exact) 45 minutes away. Then I had a few friends move out but still pretty far away and needless to say it was a little lonely. But I just kept trucking. My way to cope was something I called a mini bath. lol I would turn the shower on and sit in the bottom of the shower... scream, cry, mope, sing. anything to make me feel better. then when I got up to shower I would let all the bad feelings go down the drain and leave it there. You have to allow yourself to be sad but you have to contain it at the same time. So when I left the shower I left only thinking positive and about the future.

 

Its a great time to develop your own friends and your own interests! Have you ever had some classes you want to take? If you google it there are lotsss of free classes you can take from top schools and they are some interesting ones! Also, its a great time to volunteer in your community! :) Anything you have always wanted to try but never had time? When people say stay busy its not a normal busy lol its a constant busy. I was working two jobs and taking 18 hours while my husband was in BC and A school. I slept four hours... at that point I was almost busy enough lol! I also started couponing while he was gone lol not like crazy just for fun. :)

 

One thing I have heard from other girls is that they had problems not hearing that their sailor loved them everyday like they used to. I highly suggest googling 5 love languages and figuring out just what yours is. That way for A school and deployments you know what your love language is and you can find ways to help yourself cope. So if your love language is verbal reassurance then have him leave some voicemails and recordings telling you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him so you can listen to it when you are having a bad day. There are four other languages so you might have to play around to find something that works to help you feel cope with that ya know? Sorry I seem to ramble a bit lol I have had like 6 hours of actual good sleep this week lol! which makes my normal rambling worse. haha.

[Rickysgirl23]

My answer to this is that it doesn't get easier, but you will get stronger (if you want to). If this is truly something you want to do for you and for your man then you have to find ways to make the time away from him better because it won't get easier. Don't focus on the negativity that floats around forums and other sites. You make your own destiny and it doesn't have to end up like someone else's disaster if you don't want it to. Stay positive and find things that will keep you happy while he is gone. For me, it is my son, finding things that I can send my SR to make his time better, getting holiday cards together to send to the troops, volunteering, working out, music. There are so many options, you just have to clear your mind of the bad parts of him being gone so you can focus on what you can do to make this time better for you. Is there are goal you can work on that you wouldn't be able to if he was here? Do it! Stop saying you'll do it tomorrow and do it today :) Smile, you aren't the first to have these thoughts in your head and you won't be the last. 

[NavyGirlfriend<3 (Ship12Div54)]

Hey girl we have the same graduation date for our boys!! I feel your pain on all of the above, its exactly what I'm going through.

[ScarletteFromGuam]

Hey Stephanie, hope you're keeping strong. It's been a week since you've posted this, and I hope things have actually gotten easier for you. My fiance has been at boot camp since December 5th and it's been one hell of a week without my best friend too. I know how you feel.

I was actually replying to your post in hopes of getting an answer from you. Have you already received his form letter with his expected graduation date? I wanted to know what week you got his form letter, as I'm still expecting my fiance's own and I hope it will come by Christmas.

Thank you!