Family Issues

[xxpaprincessxx]

Has anyone else gone through their mother in law telling them how to live their life. My husband has tried many times to tell them that its our life and now she wont even stop. Before we got married she had everyone trying to convince him not to marry me. Is it wrong of me to not include her in our life because of how she treats me. we are in the process of moving and I'm becoming more stressed out as the days go on. If anyone can offer advice I would be ultimately grateful.

[CUPCAKE]

omg i am having that problem right now.. He is in boot camp though

[motherinlawtobe]

I really try to stay out of my daughters life, but had similar problems when I first married.  What you have to do is gone on about your life and do whatever you want to do.  Let her talk, and just ignore her suggestions.  Sooner or later she will realize that you are going to live your life your way no matter what she says.  I wouldn't suggest cutting her out of your life, because even though she is annoying right now, she is still your husbands mother.  He still loves her no matter what.  Try to include her on special occasions and times where there will be other people around and she will have other people to focus on.  Just love her son and take care of him, and she won't have any complaints.  You didn't say if you had children, but once you do, you become the princess of the family.  (Then they start telling you how to raise your children - just ignore and keep going!)  Good luck!  If all else fails, have your husband have a sit down talk with her and tell her that you are starting your own life together now and need to learn from your mistakes and would appreciate if she would let you make them.

[Anti M]

You have to take the high road and be the sane, calm person.  If she causes disharmony, be polite, send her Christmas cards, otherwise ignore her.  Your sailor is responsible for dealing with her.  I don't know if she can physically get in your face, but learn to tune her out.  When you get some distance between you, you can block her calls and texts, and limit communication.  It isn't easy, and some moms never quit being a bitch to the woman who "stole" their little baby boy.  Just remind her who is going to be the mother of her grandchildren now and then....

 

My MIL called me by hubby's ex's name repeatedly, criticized me for years, blamed me for his divorce, and on and on.  We don't even live in the same state as she does now, gee, how did that happen?  Heck, I quit ending cards years ago because she criticized my choice of Christmas cards (she's religious, I am not).  We are coming up on being married for 25 years.  

[xxpaprincessxx]

I am glad I am not the only one dealing with this issue. I've had to deal with this since my husband and I started dating she doesnt seem to know how to mind her own business. I'm at my witts end and I dont think i can take much more of it. My husband has talked to her and told her it needs to stop many times. It is to the point that I told him i wasnt going to go see them, that he can go see his parents without me and he said he was not going to go without me. I do not know what else to do.

[Anti M]

I wish I had a good answer for you.  She won't change, so you can only change how you interact and react to her.  Good luck!

[xxpaprincessxx]

Thank you for your support it means a lot.

[TexasMomof2]

AntiM is right, you have to change how you react to her and not let it bother you.  Ignore it.  You have to be the bigger person.  ANd don't put your hubby in the middle by saying he has to go see her without you.....you are a couple and if you do that, then you are already letting her think she's "winning" because she will be visiting with him without you there.  Just grin and bear it.

[Anti M]

Technically I love my MIL because she gave me my husband  But that's about it.  

[Angie]

I would write her a letter and let her know that until she can be civil to you that you do not wish to have any communcation with her.  I say write it so that she can read it over and over and over until it sinks in.

[Irish]

I agree with a lot of the suggestions, firstly, do write a letter, saying everything you are thinking and feeling, no matter how cruel and vulgar, and then rip it to shreds, repeat as often as necessary.  Second, continue to take the high road, be cordial and polite and if she starts to get nasty politely end the conversation, do not allow her to talk to/about you in a rude or demaning manor, but do not end the conversation by acting the same way.  Third, DEFINATELY do not exclude yourself!  You are her son's wife, he chose you, and you deserve to be a part of everything in his life (except for maybe guy's night, sometimes they gotta have guy's night, lol).  It may help the more she sees you around each other and sees the love you share, it may not, and it may take YEARS and YEARS and she may even never at all warm up to you, but you have to live your life, take everything she says and does with a grain of salt (add lime juice and tequila ; > ), and whatever you do, don't let her become a strain on your marriage, because what you do is between you two.  Hope that helps!

 

For the record, I don't hate my mother in law, but sometimes she drives me neato burrito and is completely off her rocker, but I do the things I've said above and usually allow my husband to handle any issues with his parents just as I handle any issues with mine.