Fiancé is in bootcamp and I really need some advice..

[X3torree]

Before my fiancé went off to boot camp on April 21st, we lived with his mom and brother. I moved back in with my sister the same day he left and I have no one to really talk to since my sister is constantly out at sea (she is in the navy too.)

Well I am currently 28 weeks pregnant and beginning to stress out. There are so many things the recruiters did not go over correctly with my fiancé. One thing, they did not tell him what he would be making in bootcamp and when he'd be getting the money...

My fiancé and I got a joint account with Navy federal before he left. What he wants me to do is save the money for an apartment and a car AND baby stuff. Well long story short, he thought he'd be making a lot more money than he is. I now understand that it's about $1,400 a month. He thought it was around $3,000 because his recruiter told him he'd be getting bah and housing, but forgot to mention that it is not until the baby is born and we are married.

He wrote a check for $500 to his mom and step dad for whatever reason. I think I need to cancel it because we need the money more.. Also, he wants me to travel to Great Lakes for his graduation but my doctor is telling me it's not a good idea because of complications with my pregnancy. Our daughter is really small for her gestational age and they need to keep an eye on her.. Also, they're beginning to think I'm going to need a c-section because my pelvis is really small.. At his graduation we want to get married but I don't think it's possible anymore. He wanted me to give birth in Pensacola (I live in Virginia right now) I just feel like I'm failing him as a partner :(

He also wants us to take in his 19 year old brother when he is in A school. This means we need to buy him clothes and furniture too because he doesn't have any.. I just think it's not a good idea financially because of the baby.. Am I wrong for thinking that way?

I really want to marry him. I really want him to be there for the birth and I really want to move to Pensacola with him. I'm stressing over the fact that he's doing all of this for us but nothing might go our way.

Everyone says I need to take it easy for the baby but it's really difficult when I'm missing my fiancé along with all the plans we had. I just really need some advice. Sorry if this is confusing to anyone..

[Anti M]

You are not a failure, you are in unfamiliar territory, a new life, and hormonal to boot.  

Your doctor's advice about the baby comes first. Do not worry too much about PIR, he flies out the next morning, so you'd only see him one evening.  He should prioritize the health of you and your child.  No time to marry then anyway.

Taking in his brother?  Nope.  No. No way.  You will have a new baby, you don't need to be raising a teenage sibling too.  Beginning a new family in a new place will be stressful enough, a brother could sink the whole thing.  Be selfish on that issue.

He should not give money to his mom without discussing it with you first.  There has to be a budget, and no surprises.  If he owes her money, he must wait until he starts getting bah, after your marriage is settled and the baby is born.  His mom should understand that.

Hugs, hang in there.

[WifeofaUSsailor]

Hey there!

You are NOT a failure! All of this stuff was stressful for me too and I didn't have the pressures of being pregnant to go along with it so I completely feel for you! Don't worry about PIR, you can watch it online and you don't get a lot of time with your sailor anyways. You need to stay healthy for you and your baby. Also, your fiance needs to understand that you and the baby come first now. Although I know your family and his family is important, they and he need to understand that especially with a baby on the way your money needs to be devoted to your own financial obligations. I would not recommend taking in his brother. Maybe if you weren't pregnant it would be a possibility but even with just my husband and I, I still feel worried about having enough money sometimes. (Husband is an E-2 and we receive BAH and BAS). Y'all do need to get married as soon as possible though, that way the baby and yourself can receive Tricare along with your full allowance. Also, I would cancel that check. It might upset your mother-in-law but y'all need the money right now and she will get over it.

Btw, I live in Pensacola now so if you need any help apartment hunting or moving down here I'd be more than happy to help! We are not allowed to live on base while our husbands are in A school unfortunately since it's not their "permanent duty station". If you have any more questions or need someone to talk to feel free to message me. :) Good luck to you and your husband! And don't stress too much, these things will all work themselves out.

[Petrin]

You are listening to your gut instinct, and its a beautiful thing to have. Your husband has to understand that you and your baby are his family now- especially if you are going to get married. In my opinion, Your husband needs to worry about you and your baby only. Its lovely that he wants to bring his family into his new found "fortune". But he needs to get a grasp of reality and focus on you guys. I believe the brother idea is a bad idea, just because starting a new marriage and bringing another person into the duo is going to mess up the whole first year- which is vital for newlyweds. 

I pray that everything will go well and hope you and your baby the best.