Getting married after A school - looking for info please

[heathee12]

I would really appreciate some info and insight from those of you who have been through this before.  My SA is in A school In MS and will be done in another few weeks.  It is too expensive for me to fly down there and his schedule is extremely busy as is mine right now.  He has been told he won't receive his orders for another few weeks.  We want to get married and initially didn't want to rush, but now we just want to know what we should do and when.  Should we get married while he is on leave before going to his first duty station?  He is nervous about this because he doesn't want to start out on the wrong foot with a new chief.  If we do decide to get married while he is on leave does he need to fill out paperwork prior? 

Any suggestions are appreciated.  I know that we will be apart again but we want to share our lives and start this all out as smoothly as we can. 

Thanks!

[Anti M]

Many sailors marry on leave.  He does not need to fill out paperwork at that time because he is not attached to either command.  A school won't care after he checks out, and his gaining command doesn't have a way to sign off anything for a sailor who hasn't checked in.  He is an adult American citizen, and so are you, so you can marry when and where you like once he's away from a training command.

What will trip him up is his new command is anticipating a single sailor arriving.  He will be lined up for military berthing on a ship or barracks.  Married sailors usually get time to get their dependents settled, but his command isn't expecting that, so you'll have to take what you get.  Not much you can do about it until he has orders. Once he has orders, he can talk to his new chief and give a head's up that he will be arriving married, and will at least need time to go to PSD and get you in the system.  

You will not receive a paid move, dislocation allowances, or the optional house hunting leave.  Start saving money to pay for your move and getting an apartment.  

Best of luck, and do post when he gets orders.

[Angie]

Keep in mind also if he is single when he gets his orders he could go anywhere...Japan, Italy, Guam, HI, USA...IF he gets orders overseas and you get married while he is on leave....you will NOT be going there with him overseas!  He will show up at the command and have to request command sponsorship...which can take months if not years or never.

 

 

[Anti M]

Overseas orders are a concern, but you have to take your chances if you can't marry before orders are issued.  

E-4 and below cannot take dependents overseas.  

[Tiffany51908]

I went through the same exact thing with my sailor 2 months ago!!! He went to Aschool in MS as well! Like the others said you can get married on leave, no biggy. The only concern you should have is if you are not married prior to him getting his orders, you risk being left behind if he gets an over seas duty station. When my fiance was waiting for orders in Meridian it seemed pretty 50/50. Alot of ppl were sent to japan. I stressed over this sooooo much but all you can really do is hope for the best. Good luck!!! 

[heathee12]

thank you for explaining this process to me.  I will keep you posted.  I am just excited he will be home in less then a month.  I totally hate planning so this is rough for me, but I don't want to not have access to the person I love for years because we didn't stop and think about it.  if we wait until after he gets to his duty station does that make a difference?  I guess maybe we should also see where he gets stationed too - hopefully somewhere where I can keep my career and artwork going.  MY SA is FTS for the reserves so while I understand that nothing is "for sure" he would most likely be in the US.  That makes me more hopeful, not delusional but hopeful that that will work towards our benefit. 

[Anti M]

If you wait until his new duty station, he will have to put in the request chit, which is no big deal.  He could be assigned counseling or classes, or maybe not.  He might deployment immediately, which means you would need to wait until he came back.  

[dualnavyfiance]

Hey! I'm actually one of Saenz's shipmates from division 133 =) I was in your shoes about 3 months ago, my now husbad is in the Navy as well and was in A school in San Antonio Texas before I left for bootcamp. What I chose to do was fly to texas and get married there about 2 weeks before I left for bootcamp, because I wanted to make certain we would have a better opportunity of being placed together. I would honestly get married before he gets those orders so you can be on them! I'm not sure how his command is as far as putting request chits in, but my husband's command was super lenient and we didn't have to do any of that, it all depends. This site was super helpful in obtaining advice about the whole situation! But if you have any questions or need help with anything feel free to ask! Tell him Pearce says hello and I hope he is doing well!

 

[annie_navygirl(Ship 07 Div 159)]

So, approximately when do they get their orders? My bf and I are hoping to get married right after A-school before deployment. I would like to be on his orders. :) And also, can they advance during A-school. He is E3 right now which I understand means that he wouldn't be able to take me if assigned overseas.

 

[Angie]

He can't advance to E4 until he has a rating, which means he has to finish "A" School before he can advance.  Than he just doesn't get it handed to him..ok...yes there are some that do (normally ET's and FC's, and some others...but it is written in their contract if they get it handed to them) otherwise they have to wait until March or Sept to test for E4. 

 

As far as getting orders...recommend your BF ask at the school what the normally time frame is, ever school is a little different.  IF you get married after he gets orders, the USN will NOT pay for your move, and there is a chance that sence he is a E3 and not married....he could get stationed overseas.  Than even if you get married...you will not be stationed with him. 

 

So this is something you and your bf really need to talk about.

 

[annie_navygirl(Ship 07 Div 159)]

Thanks for the answers. I didn't expect him to be handed E4. I am sorry if it sounded like I thought it was easy. I meant could he test to advance while in A-school. So thank you for answering that as well. We are supposed to have a serious conversation about all of this at PIR according to him. I do have another question though. Trying to cover all my bases in case all he can come up with is I want to get married. I want to know that right questions to ask or have him ask. So if we did get married before he got orders, even with him being E3, is it more likely that we would be together either stateside or overseas?

 

[Angie]

If you are married before he gets orders the odds of him getting sent overseas is pretty slim...it costs to much to send a jr Sailor and his vamily overseas.  BUT they could still send him overseas but with out his family.

[heathee12]

So at this point it seems like my bf will graduate from A school either later this week or next - which means who knows?! He could get sent home right away or he could get held for a week or so...and he still doesn't have orders yet.  I am trying to be flexible, but I have been training (yes the entire he time he has been gone) to run a marathon in less then two weeks and I have a conference for work the first weekend in june.  I talked to my job and they are flexible with having him come with me if he is back so we can at least spend time together in the evenings...this is the only 10 days of the entire spring/summer that I have plans for.  I just feel frustrated that we may not be able to get married while he is here before he goes to his first duty station (wherever that is)  i trained for 18 weeks to get ready to run my heart out and it has totally kept me motivated and moving while he has been away.  I am also really excited to run and have been looking forward to this so I don't want to be stressed out about getting married quickly along with getting ready to embark on a pretty significant race.  I want to get married but I also want part of it to be on my terms and this just feels blah.  Also, we haven't seen each other in 7 wks and have spent 12 hours together over the last 4 months...so maybe we should spend some time together first too.  I just feel a little nervous about seeing him - which I think after living together and then not is normal.  Do you all have any advice?  I know everyone says "get married" but I'm 34 - I'm not in a rush. I like my life and I do want to be with him but I want to get married and love every moment of it.