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Getting Married...help?
My fiance left for BC 6/5 and PIR is 8/3.. we wanted to get married after he finishes A school when (if) they give him leave.
My questions are: when would we find out when his leave is? we want a small impromtu wedding then but not just a town hall thing. So dresses and all will be bought soon and hopefully no one loses or gains weight..
would it be possible to get legally married the weekend after his PIR during his liberty at Great Lakes? and still have the wedding later of course.
and finally, does he need to apply to get married or anything? we were about to get married before he left but he asked his recruiter if that would change things and in reply he said that my SR would be discharged and have to redo ASVAB, MEPS and everything... would he be able to apply during BC at all?
we have wanted to get married for months but didn't want anything to get messed up for him, now I'm worried about how to get it done.
Please help me, I'm so confused
Views: 318
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by meagan5220 on
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From everything I have heard do not get married at PIR weekend if you even have time to do it at all. Its a time consuming process and since most guys arent staying long enough to even do it, they say its better to just wait til they get to A school they are told not to get married on PIR weekend. I have heard of ppl doing it but Its stressful and a pain. If you can go visit him in A school after that get to phase II that is a better time to do it, IMO. My husband and I got married in Phase II of his A school it was still a pain but it was way easier. Yes they have to ask permission to get married during training. He needs to fill out a request chit! Make him do it! No matter how many LPOs tell him he doesnt need to! My husband was told by 5 or 6 that he didnt need to do it! Then his Chief found out and got mad they didnt tell him right and mad that he didnt do it right and told him he was going to try and make it where he couldnt get married. An LPO that had told him wrong let him leave early which the Chief said was fine but the LPO risked getting in trobule. HOT MESS!
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Permalink Reply by Aurora on
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How long does the chit take to get approved? and do they ever deny them?
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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About two weeks, longer if they want him to take a class. Longer if they lose it, so he has to stay on top of who has his chit along his chain of command.
They only deny them if something is really wrong... underage fiance, or the sailor is in trouble himself, and sometimes they drag out the process if there's anything else going on, like the family calling the chief and causing mayhem. Normally, no, they Navy cannot deny the marriage. They may counsel if the fiance is a foreign national, as that can cause security issues for certain rates.
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Idk for sure on that it will depend on the command. Where is he going to A school? Like I said my husband didnt fill one out bc he was told not too. I say as soon as he gets to A school he needs to start the process. They deny them but not often from what I have heard. I mean if they have a reason. They will typically make them go talk to the chaplain or take a finance class. He will have to take care of that on his end unfortunately there is nothing you can do except bug him about doing it.
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So what is the class for? finance ( as meagan said) and what else, if anything?
I'm going to have him get a chit as soon as he gets there. He will be in Great Lakes for A school.
Why are they supposed to get permission though?
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It will probably depend on who is teaching it and the base, etc. Finance is an important thing, my husband got to take a "family" class sort of talking about how deployments can affect relationships it wasnt a required one but they gave first dibs to people that were getting married.
I think Great Lakes is pretty strict about getting the marriage stuff taken care of. From what it seems like. I would say try to find a group for guys who went to A school there and probably try and go down through discussions I think I have seen one or two about A school in great lakes and marriages.
lol bc its the Navy. They are in charge of them now. but while they are in A school they want them focused on school and not getting in trouble and they also want to make sure the marriage is legit. You will see girls that marry a military guy for all the "money" and screw them up. Or people getting married just for the financial perks. But either way its the military lifestyle They sign a contract for a job that is unlike any other, they obey a more stringent set of laws and they do what they are told, when they are told, and how they are told. Not that the military isnt a good thing its just different than a civilian job in many ways.
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The chit is more for informing their chain of command than asking permission. And yes, it is used as a screening tool for fraud or hasty new relationships because each person who signs it has the option of speaking to the sailor about the marriage. Asking basic questions such as how long have you known this person? And yes, to send them to classes or counseling if warranted. Not every Navy marriage is a good idea or the divorce rate wouldn't be quite so high. Plus the sailors can be sent to a class on dependent benefits so the sailor knows how to apply for everything the dependent is entitled to. That's good! The potential spouse can participate in chaplain counseling if she is in the area.
But they cannot deny permission ... not unless one of the people is underage. They sure can sit on a chit though, delay it. Most won't, it usually is just a paperwork drill. Not a problem if the sailor follows the rules.
As for hustling up a PIR wedding, it can be done. Having your sailor outright break the rules doesn't seem like a good way to start a military career. A personal opinion of mine,and of course one which each couple must decide if it right for them. Also, one of those things where great of it works out, but no complaining if it causes problems. To me, if you choose to break the rules, you suck it up if it blows up. If a sailor is staying in Great Lakes, marrying PIR weekend is risky. They rarely do much about it, but the potential is there. If the crack down happens, you don't want it to happen to your sailor.
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Permalink Reply by Andi6109 on
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I have heard of people getting married...the girl set it all up so right after graduation they took the family that showed up straight to the courthouse to do it. One of my husband's best friends in boot camp did that, and they went to the same A school and have been in the same training classes the whole way thru. They are in the nuke program in SC together. It can be done but I do not know of what all they had to go thru. They had it planned out before he left though that they were getting married Friday afternoon. And then he flew out with my husband from Great Lakes to SC Saturday afternoon and she moved down a few weeks later. Good luck with everything!
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Thank you girls. I think we will probably elope during phase II in Great Lakes.
Also, does anyone know how to get off base housing? Does he have to be a certain rank or in a certain amount of time?
My SR and I have 4 cats and we have 3 chinchillas. My mother agreed to take one of the cats, and care for the chinny's if needed until we can live off base. And my father agreed to keep another of the cats, but I know my SR really wanted to take both the kittens we raised before he left and the older cat we adopted who my dad said he'd keep. I just want to be able to let my SR keep the old girl he loves so much with us.
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In the fleet, married sailors can live offbase or in base housing, if available. Their time and rank doesn't matter, except for the amount of BAH they get. They receive BAH, basic allowance for housing, which covers rent and basic utilities, at the "married with dependents" rate based on zip code.
However, he is at a training command, so it works a bit differently. He must earn his liberty phase, and put in a Live Ashore packet asking permission to live offbase with you. Student sailors rarely get base housing, so you'll find lots of advice about renting near Great Lakes. Yes, you have to do the footwork yourself. Or you may decide to wait until his first duty station to move. The Navy won't move you to his school, but if you're married in time, you'll be on the orders for his first duty station.
Moving with cats, cross country? So much fun, yeah... we brought three back from Japan, there was a problem with our flights, our cats ended up going on leave with us, then road tripped to California. We lied on our lease, said we only had two cats. Bad us, huh?
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How were your cats with flying and such? Ours have only been in carriers for trips to the vet other when they were 2 weeks old and lived in the carriers.
I wouldn't move out to where ever he is until after his a school is over, id spend the time after we got married figuring out stuff for my online schooling and such -
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Two were okay, the third was freaky about it and torn up all his paper bedding. It was a long flight, and there were delays, the whole thing was horrible. It was the PCS from hell. Long story, very long story, and the cats were one small part.
Flying with pets is tricky, the time of year matters, and the safety record of the airline, and they sometimes limit how many pets can be flown. Gets expensive. Driving has a whole other set of complications.
Are your cats microchipped? They should be if you're moving them around.
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