Getting Married Problems

[SavingGrace]

My fiancé proposed to me Christmas Eve & my parents- basically my whole family- has not been or shown their happiness or support for me.  We've been getting ideas over the months and we don't see the point in waiting so we set a date for September of this year. He came down on leave and we accomplished so much: the registry, booking a venue for the ceremony & reception, ordering the invites, and set everything up with the florist. The major things that are left is dress, cake, & sending invitations. His family is finally happy we've set a date and that we're moving forward, my family is not. My parents know that we've been going out, planning and looking at places but they don't know the official date.

To really sum up my parents-especially my mother who is the one that needs to be won over- they are concerned that I will get married and put all my dreams & plans with my education on the shelf and will just do whatever my sailor wants to do. I know the economy is bad, jobs are hard to find, & the world is a mess. We're all living in it. They want us to wait, we don't we don't see the point in it we want to start out lives with each other already. My sailor just gained a rank, I don't know what happens after that since he had a few years left I think he plans on staying in for a couple more. We plan on buying a place where he is stationed and I know a great univeristy up there that I planned on transferring to and finishing my degree-which wont be that long just a year.

I'm just looking for some advise, help, how can I tell my parents that this is what I want to do & we're doing it I'd love their support understanding and love but I honestly do not see that happening. I don't know how to get through to them without fighting with them or my mother not talking to me for days on end.

[Anti M]

I don't know you and I feel very concerned!  This is a tough one, because we can't know anything except what you tell us.  Are your parents going to put you through college if you wait?  What are you giving up by marrying?  Has your relationship with your sailor been smooth, or is  marriage a way to solve  problems?   I doubt anyone here has the words to make your mother see your love, trust your plans, and know you will finish your education.  A dress and cake are not the last details... there's so much more to it. Perhaps if you could show your family concrete plans, saving, how to pay tuition, manage the budget, pay the bills, and deal with any babies who arrive.   Have you been responsible until now?

Anyway, best advice I know I can give is don't buy a house at his first duty station.  You have no guarantee he'll stay there, and being a long distance rental manager sucks big time.  You'll waste his VA loan if you saddle yourselves with a home too early.

Congrats and good luck.

[SavingGrace]

My parents sort of already put me through college. Before college started for me they started a payment plan really early so I have a prepay with enough credit hours left on it to finish my BA. I live with my parents now but I pay for my own expenses: car, cellphone, groceries, any bills in general and anything I need I buy myself. I do not believe I am giving up anything other than I will be moving away from my family- which isn't that far because my SR is stationed in the same state as me just further north from where I live. My SR & I love each other very much & our relationship has been very smooth we don't believe that getting married is a way of solving a problem you have to work through it whatever the problem, issue maybe. Thank you for the idea about showing my parents our concrete plans we've told them what we've planned to do but having something to show them might help a lot more. I have been very responsible all my life my parents-mostly my mother puts me on a pedestal all the time even over my other siblings. She expects the ultimate best out of me but its really hard to live a life she wants for me. I do not see what I am doing wrong but living my life with taking her advise into concern as well. I love my parents & my whole family very much & I understand peoples concerns but I am very happy and I still don't see what I am doing wrong but moving forward in my life with a man I truly love who loves me right back. Thank you for you advise I really do appreciate it and I will take what you said about purchasing a house into consideration. 

Thanks Again

[nicoleb]

Hi!!

OMGosh, may I just say that I am so happy I came onto this page! I am going through something similar! SR is still in bootcamp but, we got engaged in April (he left in May) And we plan on getting married in January, after A school. Needless to say, his family is so happy for us, my family.... not so much. 

Everyday I speak of the wedding to my family, this is the happiest time of my life, I make sure they know it. In my opinion, for the most part people will doubt you if you show doubt. So if you are confident in your plans, make sure people can see it!!

Eventually, your mother will come around, just like eventually my father will come around. Like I mentioned before, this is the happiest time in my life, show that you are not putting yourself and your ambitions on the back burner. You need to educate them that maybe you are moving around but you can still work on your degree because of a great thing called ONLINE CLASSES!!!!! :) Show them that you have thought things through, and that you have a plan, and then a back up plan, and a back up plan for the back up plan...  I think you can see where I am going with this... :)   You show this drive to people, the questions will stop. They have for me.

I hope this was a little help to you...

Also remember, this is your life, things change....

Good luck and Congratulations on your engagement!!! 

[SavingGrace]

I really appreciate your advise. It is very tough to try an be happy when know one in your family is happy about your decisions especially your parents; but your absolutely right they will doubt me if I show doubt. I have no doubts. I am very happy with my choice and I will start letting them know everyday how happy I am. Thank you very much for your post it has really lifted up my mood. I hope everything is going well with you, you SR & your engagement.

Thank you again & Congratulations to you as well! =]

[SavingGrace]

Thank you for your uplifting and encouraging words. I really appreciate it. You're absolutely right I should be happy and its doesn't matter what other people think- its just hard when its family. I hope you & your in-laws relationship gets better. Thanks again for your words of wisdom I really do appreciate them =]