Help don't know what to do

[Jasmine<3]

OK ladies let me explain me and my sailor relationship and then I'll ask the question i need help with. First off and my sailor have been dating for three and a half years and we've both been there for each other for all the big changes in our life. Let me explain what i mean, we started dating my junior year in high school and we went to different schools, and then in college we both went away school, basically we've always had a long distance relationship, but we always made time for visit and talked every day. So along came BC which went well i missed him but we both got through it. So then A school and of course we thought it was going to be a piece of cake. Little did I know well to make a long story short we broke up over A school. But there where I need you guys advise. We just got back together after a month break. And the first then he said i want you to come out here and marry me. Which socked me b/c one of the main reason I ended was b/c i thought we wasn't ready to settle down. What should I even do? I did tell lets just take it one day at a time but the truth is i want to marry him just as bad as he does.

[abuon18]

Honestly the benefits of being a Navy wife are huge. As a girlfriend there are none but as a wife you get health insurance, BAH, separation pay when he's deployed, they will move you to where he gets stationed, etc.... But it really just comes down to your relationship. If you really thought getting married was the right thing I don't think you'd be on here asking for advice on if you should or shouldn't. What's the real reason you're not sure?

[Angie]

Why did you two break up?  Did he have to go get that little fling in?

 

If you really felt that getting married was the right thing to do, you wouldn't be on here asking what to do.

 

Where is he at now/

[Jess_0411]

Don't worry about the benefits. To marry for the benefits even when you aren't sure you're ready is no bueno and the marriage probably won't last. Sorry, I've seen it happen to my husbands friend's so I always tell Navy girlfriends now to not rush into getting married just because y'all want the benefits.

If you want to be married just as badly as he does, then you'll figure it out. Sometimes when couples take a break, it helps them to realize what a great thing they have and that they don't want to be another day without it. So be happy (: All the rest of the stuff will fall into place.

[Anti M]

I would not get married coming off a break up.  If you have doubts, work out those issues before making a permanent decision. Insist he talk to a counselor or chaplain, and that he goes to every pre-marital class he can.  If he's serious, he'll be happy to do that for you.  And of course, you should do the same if you can.  

Ask him point blank, why marry now?  What changed for him?  

Have you ever lived together?  Have you ever talked about core issues such as money, sex, religion, children, who would do what about chores, family (in laws), holidays, what you want out of your future, pets, down to details about how you see spending your weekends. Also, learn how to argue, many couples can't disagree without breaking the dishes and punching the wall. 

My first marriage was after a long distance separation.  I'd never lived with him.  Had I ever spent one weekend in my home with him, I'd never had said yes,  His idea of what a wife should be were straight out of the 50s, except he wanted me to work so he could "work on his music".  None of this came out while we were dating.  dating puts people on best behavior, living together shows true colors.  I just wanted you to know that's why I emphasize communication about expectations before marriage.