Help making conversations a little more interesting.

[togetherandapart]

Hey ladies  

   I thought I would put this up to maybe get some help or a little advice. So when me and my boyfriend talk I feel like the same things are said over and over again. I just wondered if anyone had anything that they do with their boyfriends or husbands that get the conversation flowing. Its going to be a long time and many times will just be on the phone throw email or skype. 

Thanks!!

[mollybub]

Is you boyfriend in boot camp right now, or has he graduated? Did you have that feeling of redundancy in conversation before he left? Just some questions :)

Either way, even before my fiance left, there would be dull moments in conversation, whether in person or on the phone or text message. Usually, what I would do is bring up a fun memory we had together, and that would always get the ball rolling for a good conversation! Or, just telling each other about what happened that day...what made you mad, what made you happy, who's getting on your nerves. Haha, for my fiance and me, we have the same sense of humor, so that helps too. Hope I helped a bit!

[togetherandapart]

He is in Nuke school in the first part of his schooling so he still has a year or so left before he gets a port and stuff. Yea before he left it was kinda like that. He also didn't want to talk about our future or anything like that before he left and we kind got into some fights about it because he just wanted to leave and stuff. 

Yea I have tried that before bringing up some funny times and stuff like that but I guess he has just been so stressed from school and stuff it seems like he doesnt really want to put forth the effort to anything else which sucks but I also understand. Idk I just wish that there was something I could say or start that would get him talking and help lighten up the mood so he is less stressed. Its just hard only have the phone or text messages to try and have conversations with him. And I can't remember the last time we had a good fun long conversation. 

Im just not sure what to do to change it. 

[Anti M]

Sometimes memories can be stressful, because they're homesick and have little time for fun.  While just listening is important, there's things they can't tell you about nuke school!

My nephew was in nuke school and rarely called me, I'm just an aunt.  But we had the shared Nay experience to talk about.  So maybe you can ask about the little things, maybe get him to explain about inspections, or his roommates... stuff you might not be interested in, but anything to get him to speak.  

[abuon18]

My husband isn't a Nuke but is in school that also learns a lot of classified information that he can't share with me- so before we were able to live together I would ask him about the people he was meeting and becoming friends with, that way he can share stories with you about them and even though you don't ACTUALLY know them it's almost like you do because you've heard so much about them! Just a simple "so tell me about some of the people in your class!" Should open him up! And then as you get to know stories about the people you can ask "did so and so do anything funny in class today" and maybe that will help him open up, because most likely he's stressed from classes and he can't even talk to you about that to relieve some of his stress.... So maybe just taking his mind off it in other ways and showing your interest in his life there in other ways will help!

[ProudLadyOfA1337Guy]

Sometimes we play the question game lol. Just a back and forth questioning of anything at all real or hypothetical. For instance "if you could drive any car to the moon, what would it be?". Just something random when we're both out of words from a long day or been on the phone for hours and still don't want to get off. Any questions count, and you can't repeat the others question for at least 3 turns (keeps it less boring lol). But yeah if he's into that kind of thing you can go in any direction with it (especially as an SO), and you should! We don't play it often but when we do we laugh and go awwww and mmmmm?!?!?! a lot lol. But this is one thing we do if we find we just have nothing to talk about at the time and it opens up a lot of conversation.

[AmyLoo95]

I find that it's best to talk about the future. Talk about a five year goal plan and give him something to look forward to.

[MissG]

Is your boyfriend into sports?   My fiance' is a sports fanatic, and I just so happen to really love sports as well.  If you don't completely despise some of his favorite things whether it be sports, politics, movies, etc., try to get into those things and talk with him about it.  Talking about light-hearted things that he's interested in may help him keep his mind off of all the things that are going on around him.

[togetherandapart]

Thats me too. I miss sitting and doing nothing with him. Just sitting in the silence. Sometimes we will do that on Skype sounds silly but I like it. He will be playing a video game or something and I could be watching tv or on my computer like we normally would if he were here. But I know what you mean like towards the end of the night right before bed just watching tv or something. I think thats what I miss more than anything. More than going out and doing cool things or going out on dates and other things. I just miss sitting with him and watching a silly tv show where we can both laugh and have inside jokes and stuff. 

My boyfriend is into sports but it isnt really something we have ever had conversations about it. We like to watch them together but its kinda hard to do that now. And I want to talk about the future but he is wanting to focus on finishing this first part of school before we talk and decide about the next step in our relationship.

I put together a little Halloween package to send him. I just went to the dollar store and bought some silly toys and wrote little notes on them. And of course candy!! lol He has just been super stressed out about school and stuff and its hard to try and cheer him up with words. So I hope that all this silly stuff will make him smile and laugh. I also painted the bow like a pumpkin. Lol Too much? I hope he doesnt think its stupid.

[togetherandapart]

Its so great to me that I find girls on here that feel the exact same way I do. Makes me feel less crazy. My boyfriend is in Nuc school in South Carolina and he is an E3. Some days are really hard for me and I just feel really down. But being home with my family has really helped. 

But yea he doesnt want to talk about all that serious stuff right now because he wants to finish with this school. And also he doesnt want to talk about all that over the phone and stuff like that which I dont want to either. Im just ready for the next time I get to see him which wont be til the end of November. Im just ready to be married to him lol we have been together for a long time and Im ready to move to the next step, and I think he is too but he just wants to get past this school and the next one. So I just have to wait and be strong which is hard sometimes. 

But Im so glad that their is other girls out there that feel the same. I like to come on here when Im feeling down or try and figure out if what im thinking is crazy or not. lol 

[heathee12]

Hang in there - it will get better. The Navy in a way teaches them to zone out and not focus on feelings to get through hard times - that is a technique that I think they have to employ alot of the time because they aren't in a typical "home" situation. They are focused on the objective at hand. I have been learning to not take things personally. I have a post-it tucked away in my wallet that says "trust in love" - whatever maybe it's cheesy, but sometimes you need to remember why you are doing what you are doing - this isn't simply for the short-term it's for the long-term.

I find that sometimes because I am a planner and I like to set and achieve goals that I get frustrated that my bf doesn't do things in a similar way - and then I have to stop and think that in many ways he can't. We have started to take a new approach and he lets me plan our visits and that helps me feel like I have some control over things. It also makes me feel like he values my opinion.  Are there things we still need to discuss? Yes, but we are together because this is our adventure together.

He values you and your relationship - trust that. Focus on your life and how you can be your best you - whatever that means - it could be little things or big things. It sucks to be apart - we can all understand that. Just know that you will end up where you are supposed to be!

[hangonlittletomato]

Make cool things happen that you can talk about. Read a new book, take a new class, cook something weird, switch to a new toothpaste! It doesn't matter. We had a few exchanges purely about a few new sushi dishes I've tried...ha. I'm sure you do lots of things all day, talk about that.

Listen & read the news. I'm into politics, though I understand it may not be the best thing to bring up all the time. (Though we talked a lot about the debates, he wasn't able to watch them where he is.) If you listen to NPR, they always have interesting science news stories that I like to relay.

[togetherandapart]

Yea sometimes its hard to start a conversation with him. I feel like sometimes he doesnt give me much when I try and talk to him. But I'm sure he's stressed and stuff. I think thats one of the hard things about being in a relationship with someone for a long time conversations kinda run thin because you have already talked about a lot of stuff throughout your relationship so I just try and think of new things to bring up to talk about but I have a hard time because he hasnt been giving much back here lately. And I dont want to make a big deal that he isnt giving much in the conversation area because Im sure that most of the time after school and studying he wants to turn his brain off which I dont blame him. But then we have the same conversations over and over every day so I just wish I knew something that would just get him kinda excited to talk and get a conversation going for more than 5 secs.

I know he loves me and misses me and everything but I just wish I could get a little more talking out of him. But I dont want to be selfish or mean. Sometimes I feel like him being in the Navy I have to keep everyone of my feelings in check and keep them in and figure them out on my own. And that kinda sucks. Idk I am very thankful for all of yalls input and words. They do make me feel a little more at ease and helps a lot.