How to plan a wedding?

[jodybrock]

Hello everyone.

I am a Mom, but my son just got engaged at Christmas, and until I show his fiance how to get on this group, I told her I would ask this question for her.

My son just got arrived in San Diego last week, and is on a ship that will be deployed in the upcoming months.  Just how does one go about planning for a wedding when one member is in the service? They are thinking summer of 2013, but how do they know if they will have leave, or even be in port, and all that? Because my son just got to San Diego, and so many people were off for the holidays, he hasn't asked any questions yet. Any advice out there? I am sure some of you have been through this?

Here is another question I don't know yet--- how does time off work, exactly? My sailor just got 8 days at Christmas, and he says they get 2 weeks in the month before a deployment...
What do they get AFTER a deployment? And is there a time frame they have to take any leave in?

(And I get that this is the all conditional, and the Navy loves to be unpredicatable, and we can control NOTHING... but.....)

For example, If they return from a deployment in spring of 2013, and the wedding is planned in August of 2013, how would he know that he will get the time off? I know he would request it, but how likely is it that they get this, in the time frame requested? Or is there a certain time frame after returning -- say withing 60 days, that he would be more likely to get his request for leave granted?

Thank you all- in advance-  for your help!

[abuon18]

Hello, I am not going to be able to answer your questions because I don't know the answers, but there is a group on here for planning weddings and I'm sure the girls on there would be happy to share their experiences with you. I hope that you and your son's fiance can find the answers you need, best of luck!

[jde]

I am sure others have much more information than I do, in my experience planning the wedding and a reception at a later date was nothing but stressful, we got married with just family and a very few friends, we were not sure when he would be able to be in town for that and he got approved for leave 2 days before he came home for the wedding, which he left on Sunday and we were married on Monday after getting the marriage license and all that stuff. There is no guarantee that he will be able to take leave.

As far as I know, (my husband has only gone on one deployment) there is usually 2 different periods they can take for leave after and it is within the month that come home. The days that they take is what they already have accumulated that they use. They don't give them extra.  As long as he has accumulated days by August he should be able to take time to come home for the wedding provided his leave gets approved. There is not way of knowing if he would get approved or not as well, it is on their needs. The earlier he would talk to them about it the better, in my opinion in case his command would require classes or a meeting with the Chaplin or someone, my husband had to go talk to his Chief about us getting married, nothing big he just asked him a few questions about why he was getting married and so forth...

[Anti M]

They earn 30 days of leave a year, but they rarely get to take them all at once.  When a ship returns from deployment, the sailors are usually given the chance to take leave.  However, there are zero guarantees they get to take it.  Deployments get extended.  I've seen ships pull in, then there's an emergency, all leaves cancelled and everyone goes back out to sea.  Sailors can be recalled off leave.  It goes on and on.  This does NOT mean  he won't get to take leave, it is just new guys are least likely to get their leave approved during that first year.

Setting a date this soon is impossible.  He needs to talk to his chief and find out the normal procedures on his ship. Ships do put out to sea for drills, sea trials and exercises, just because the big deployment is behind them doesn't mean they won't be steaming.  

On your end, the best thing you can do is see if you and/or the finacee can get involved with the ombudsman (volunteer family liasion) and the Family Readiness Group.  Get in the loop about the ship and deployments.  Your sailor will have to get this approved.

Do not set a date which cannot be changed.  Do not put deposits down on any service or venue which cannot be refunded (ask about a military policy).  Think carefully about the budget; she will need money to move and set up and apartment; trinkets like groom cakes and favors for bridesmaids might have to go out the window.

Consider flying her out to SD for a quick ceremony, just to get the money and benefits rolling, then have the white wedding when they originally planned.    I got married in Vegas, in jeans. I was older, and the fancy dream wedding wasn't of interest to me.  

August can be a bad time to take leave.  Many of the married sailors with kids PCS or take leave during this time because school is out, and the ship or division can come up short-handed.  This is something he should talk over with his chief, see if it applies to his ship.  They'll know which jobs will need warm bodies this far out.  Spring or autumn are more likely.