Is anyone married who doesn't live with their sailor?

[kikicook12]

I'm new to the Navy girlfriend thing and I have a question about getting married to my sailor. We love each other very much and very much want to get married, but right now, I have a job I cannot leave, so living with him is out of the question. Is there anyone out there who is or has been in the same situation? Right now my sailor is in A school in Groton, CT. Everyone on these forums seems to say that the best time to get married would be before he finishes A school, that way I would be on his orders when he gets them and the Navy would pay for my move. But what if I'm not moving? I'm really stuck, and honestly getting a little discouraged. JOP weddings seem to be the common thing from all that I've read, and I never thought that I was the girl who dreamed of the big traditional wedding until I realized I probably couldn't have one. I don't want to regret moving too quickly, but I love him and we know it's what we both want. Does anyone have any advice for a loving but lonely girlfriend who's feeling left behind?

[lyssarie]

My SR and I are in the same position. I want to stay home for school, and I am just getting settled into a good job here at home. I want to stay here for the next 2 years or so to finish school without transferring. We are gonna go to the JP, then have a vow renewal ceremony later on to compromise. BUT as much as I want to marry him, I don't want to be forced to.change my arrangements until I'm ready, and I don't know if that will work for the Navy.
I'm really glad you started this discussion!

[hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Well I'm married to my Corpsman and at first it was hard because he was stationed in Virginia then he just recently moved to NC and I'm in Arizona while he is currently deployed. We plan on moving myself to North Carolina soon so I can finally start school and be with him after 2 years of being together. I'm willing to move with him because I love him but you gotta do what you gotta do when he's away. And if you are thinking about moving, start looking for jobs that are open in the area you will be moving to. I'm waiting for my husband to get home from Afghanistan and I mode him dearly. I'm sad that I didn't get to spend everyday with him. I would say move with him if you love him very much, but do your research before deciding anything drastic! Good luck :)

[jazzelle29]

I'm in a similar situation. My man and I met very shortly before he deployed. As a UK citizen I work in Seattle on a 3 yr visa and cannot move or I will lose my visa. I also absolutely love my job and would be very hesitant to leave it. 

Once my guy returns from deployment he will be based in VA for two years until he can leave the Navy. Sooo we have to get through the next two years basically as a long distance relationship.

Sure I suppose we could take the plunge and get married..but we are still just getting to know each other, and alongside the cost of marriage we also have the cost of applying to change my immigration status to Green Card...another $4000 or so. :( I'd also then lose a reasonable income and put him under the pressure of providing for the both of us.

I suppose we could marry, then live apart so we could both carry on working, but he has his heart set on a proper wedding in his home town with friends and family there.

The hopeless romantic in me says of course it can be done, but the sensible 33 year old part of me says to wait, save the $$$, get to know him and if its meant to happen it will work out and be well worth it.

Dang...maybe age has made me more sensible after all! I think my advice is that if its all meant to happen, then it will, and that you always have lots more options than you think you do. :)

[navygf27 (Ship 09/ Div 014)]

I am in a similar situation.  I am currently in Graduate School and my Sailor is in Pensacola, Fl.  I have so many student loans adding up from undergrad and graduate school and know my first priority is to get myself on my feet and begin to pay those off before I move to wherever he is stationed.  Although it is hard at times my boyfriend said the other night to me that "everyday apart from each other will only make it that much better when we can finally be together"

[Angie]

If you don't get married before they get orders, they can get orders overseas, Japan, Guam, etc...  If they get orders overseas as a single person than get married after they get those orders.  The spouse is not moving over there for some times (meaning up to years or the whole time they are there).  and when they are stationed oversea you can't just move to Japan, you need a visa and the proper paper work...which takes a while to get and isn't for sure you will get.

 

That is why people say to get married before the end of "A" School.

 

Regarding a Sailor getting married to someone who is NOT a USA citizen, that Sailor better check about loosing his clearnace before he goes and marries someone who is not from this country.  I have seen Sailors loose their jobs and get kicked out of the USN due to getting married to someone not from the USA.

[jazzelle29]

Hey Angie, thanks for the input about Sailors and non US citizens...very interesting perspective. I'm lucky that my visa runs for a while yet-plenty of time to get to know my sailor, and for him to get to the end of his time with the Navy (two years left).

At 33 and settled with an awesome career of my own I would also have to know what I'm getting into before I put all my eggs in one basket too!

Out of interest he's an ABH2 on the flight deck...have no idea what his security clearance would be. :)

[Anti M]

He would still have some kind of a clearance, although not at a high level.  He would absolutely have to talk to the Security Officer about your immigration status before marrying.  

Two years isn't bad. First two years I was married (age 30) I saw my husband for a grand total of 28 days.