It's Official

[beachmom76]

Effective today, my husband is officially retired from the Navy.  He has served over 31 years and we have been married for 29 of them.  During that time, he has risen from Seaman Recruit (E-1) to Commander (O-5); we have moved 18 times and been through more deployments than I can count. 

For those of you who are just embarking on a life with a Sailor, let me tell you that it has been the most rewarding, challenging, and exciting  experience of my life.  Words can't describe the joy you will feel at Homecomings (always with a capital 'H'), promotions and award ceremonies.  I have also had moments of incredible loneliness, anger and frustration; each of those served to make me stronger and taught me to appreciate our time together that much more.

People often ask me what it takes to make a military marriage succeed.  My answer is always the same: independence and a sense of humor.  I had no idea how strong I could be until I was tested.  At first, it didn't appear promising: during hubby's first deployment, I stayed in our empty apartment and cried for two weeks.  Eventually, I pulled myself together, found a job, found friends, even found furniture!  When hubby returned and saw what I had accomplished, he knew I would be able to handle life as a military spouse. That freed him up to pursue his career without the constant worry about what was happening at home.This was a choice that I made, to support his career.  It is not an easy choice, so don't take it lightly.  I found my satisfaction in other venues, ultimately developing a career that became completely portable. 

There will be situations that will cause you to cry, scream, or laugh. I recommend making laughter your default response to the ridiculous.  Having the wrong shipment sent to Japan so that the movers delivered our lawn mower, appliances and my pottery wheel to our tenth-floor Japanese apartment was one of those times.  Finding out that my planned trip to Bali to meet the ship had to be scrapped because the pier in Bali had been washed out by a typhoon...a year earlier...was another of those moments.  Having my children ask why I was setting a 4th plate at the dinner table because they  KNEW they Daddy wouldn't be home in time for dinner...was yet another.  Make no mistake, this life will test you.  But if you are able to adapt to the changes and deal with the uncertaintly, the reward will be great.  You can, as I am today, looking back at an incredible journey that fills me with pride, in my Sailor and myself. 

I wish you all fair winds and following seas.

Mary

[sailorwifenmom]

Congrats on the retirement! We're on what's probably our last tour, and it's very bittersweet.

[beachmom76]

It is at that. While I love the idea of making a permanent home and having him home with me, part of me will miss the variety.  And I have come to love being independent.  The big question: after all these years of frequent separation, can we live together full time?  This is where that sense of humor comes in!

Best of luck to you.

Mary

[Anti M]

Congrats!

When my hubby retired from the Navy at age 38, I had about two weeks worth of him trying to do everything in the house ... I made him go get a full time job.   He's away from home most of the week, but comes home for a few days each week.  Enough time apart and enough time together. Just right.  Lots of "homecomings".

Being retired Nay gives us a nice safety net, and enough spending money we can satisfy our travel cravings with vacations.  Just came back from Cancun last night.  Fun!

[CHN-B]

Mary- Many congrats on the retirement!! Thank you for sharing in ur experience & for ur heart-felt advice. Best wishes for many many more happy years together as u begin yet another new chapter in ur lives together. :)

[beachmom76]

Hubby was 23 and I was 24...hard to believe we are in our 50s now and our kids are where we were when we met. 

[abuon18]

Congratulations! That is such an achievement, for your husband but also for you! You are an inspiration for us newer military spouses so I hope you'll stick around... And enjoy all this time with your husband!

[tiffanyk2010]

Congratulations! And thank you so much for sharing. My husband and I are just starting our Navy journey. It hasn't been quite a year yet, and has so far just been school. Already we have learned a lot, met some wonderful people, and had a few challenges. But it has been an adventure and we have been enjoying it. As we await orders to C school and our next duty station, along with the arrival of our first baby, we are excited and nervous about the next chapter. But I know with the right attitude, and the support of our wonderful friends and family, including our new Navy family, that we will make the most of this new life and appreciate the opportunites set before us. Thank you again for sharing a piece of your life. It is so encouraging to hear positive stories from women who have made it through. :)

[beachmom76]

Tiffany-you are so right! The proper attitude will make all the difference.  You also have an advantage that we didn't have when I first married my sailor: you have this wonderful support group to help you through those rough patches.  The toughest time for me was when I was isolated from the Navy community and people who understood what I was going through.  During one deployment I lived in northern Ohio.  The only person who understood what it was like to be married but completely alone was a woman whose husband was in prison.  How sad is that?  Fortunately, the people on this board can cheer, laugh and cry with you, because they understand.

 

[sailorwifenmom]

lol - I understand that! On the one hand, I want to have a house where I can paint each and every wall a different color, and, for a change, plant roses and so on and actually stay there long enough to see them become really established, but on the other hand, I like moving every few years and seeing new places, and now, if we have neighbors we don't like, I know eventually one of us will move... lol

I think you all are going to do just fine being together "full time" - and if not, book a trip for yourself (solo) and tell him YOU'RE going on a cruise and leaving him alone for a change ;-)

Seriously - enjoy your retirement - you all have earned it!

[briana&isaiah forever]

Thank you for these words of encouragement! My Sailor and I are just starting out and I can already see what a challenge being a military spouse can be. Its so hard being separated for him, that sometimes I just feel that I cant take it anymore. But I pick myself up because I know that no matter how hard things may be right now, nothing in this world is worth losing what we have. I could never see my life without this man. He is the most amazing person I have ever known and I can't wait to see where this crazy life takes us! This is one of the biggest challenges we've ever had to face in our young lives, but I can already tell the rewards far outweigh the bad things! Thanks beachmom76, congrats and God bless you!

[Cora 8_5]

wow, what a great way to wrap up a career.  thanks for sharing that story.  i'm about your age and just starting my journey with my sailor (we're both older and divorced).  our issues are completely unique, so i think i'm gonna learn to keep quiet about them.  but i wanted to share with you that i read a novel recently about a man retiring from CIA and they put him through "retirement training" and i wonder if NAVY doesn't do same for longtimers and their families too. for what it's worth.

anyway, i loved your gumption and making it work attitude.  i agree about laughter, but i still have yet to use it solely for good.  trying to though.  take care and God bless you and your family.

[sailorwifenmom]

Cora, The Navy has TAP (Transition Assistance Program) classes for people who are getting out, and they even offer special ones for those who are retiring, and their spouses are welcome to attend :-)