Living with spouse during A school.

[Britt0903]

Hi there. I am looking for any advice/information on living with a spouse during A school. My husband leaves to Bootcamp soon and his A school will be longer than six months so I am planning on moving with him. Does anyone have any info or tips to share with me regarding this. Thanks in advance :)

[Thelight]

Is it official or unofficial move?
Will you work?
I moved during a school. I rented a room with my 1year old. I didn't get an apartment because if I wanted to leave I want no hassle. Rented a furnished bedroom all utilities included. Funny it costed half of my previuse bills. I'm not working and wasn't before. Search for rooms and weigh the expenses first. And just know you have to prioritize. Back on base by 10 and duty day he isn't allowed to leave. But I still visit him on base and took our son to the park weekly for family time he really appreciated it. He's been in a school from April-September. He kissed my birthday and our son. Can't wait to live. We're moving to San Diego this month.

[KFave]

Hi!

I moved to Illinois to be with my husband during his A school. The navy is paying for our cost of living and now that he lives off base we also get food allowance. So far I've been up here for a month and everything is great. 

[Allison]

Leslie, unfortunately, for only 10 weeks, live ashore will not be approved. Live ashore during A School is only approved for 6+mos. You could choose to move on your own, but it would be out of your own pocket, and you wouldn’t really have time to settle in before they send your spouse somewhere else. As for cost of living, or BAH, you should already be receiving it. It does vary by zip code, but whether it’s yours or your spouse’s depends on the orders. You can look it up on DFAS and compare if you’re curious which it is, or he can ask at PSD which zip code it’s based off of. 

[Allison]

Also, without live ashore, your spouse can’t live with you…the only way around it being that IF his/her ship allows sailors to sign out with spouses as liberty buddies rather than another sailor, you could spend time together. Again, assuming they allow spouses to sign out sailors, not every ship does, you’d still only get overnight visits once they hit phase 3 liberty. You’d also have to physically sign your spouse in and out in a log on the quarterdeck, which could impact your work availability, an important thing to consider if you plan on working; some sailors have to be back on base as early as 5am or stay as late as midnight, which could mess with your sleep schedule; or you may have to alter your spouse’s schedule with early drop offs/late pick ups to fit around your schedule instead, possibly impacting their sleep schedule or daily routine. 

[Allison]

Not saying it’s not doable, I saw a lot of it in Great Lakes actually.  I’m just putting it all out there to consider. I personally wouldn’t recommend moving without live ashore approval, but if you guys are able to make it work, it’s always nice to get any extra time with your sailor :)

[Allison]

Im SUPER late to this post, but I wanted to throw my experience and tips out there.

First, I do not believe it is true that living together is dependent on liberty phases, at least not that I have ever heard of unless someone joins their spouse at a "short" A School or it was on unaccompanied orders. A request to "Live Ashore" is a request for special liberty. Every sailor will still be assigned a barracks in A school subject to inspection and will have assigned watches, and the liberty rules are the same, except that with Live Ashore, sailors are given the liberty to leave base, overnight, every night, excluding duty days, without a liberty buddy.

If you choose to live in base housing, which I highly recommend for short duty stations for ease of transition after, especially on short notice, only your husband will be listed on the lease agreement. For A School, this is not such a big deal, you can still make maintenance requests and everything, but if you continue to live in base housing either by requirement for his rank or by choice, it is wise to have power of attorney with a clause for handling housing arrangements.

Speaking of which, you should DEFINITELY have getting power of attorney as one of your top priorities when you move. A general power of attorney is not always sufficient. You may need, depending on the command and service you're trying to manage, special with clauses pertaining to your benefits, insurance, military housing, etc. so it is better to lay all of these out to be on the safe side, and JAG can help you set this up when you get there.

Contact the ombudsman for his command, and she will provide you with a wealth of resources and advice pertaining specifically to your command. You can look them up at: www.ombudsmanregidtry.cnic.navy.mil and ask her if they are offering a COMPASS course, this is a class for navy spouses to learn about your resources, learn about the Navy and it's traditions, meet the commander, network, etc.

Get involved! There's tons of ways to get involved in the community, and it is totally important to do so, especially just for your mental health. Your ombudsman can detail for your command specifically, but there are many youth programs if you have kids, outings, support groups, community dinners and events, neighborhood events, etc.. Some good places to start looking are with your MWR and FRG when you get there.

Learn your rights, entitlements, and benefits. It's really hard not to be put down for asking about these things, you'll hear some nasty terms thrown around…this is something we REALLY focused on reducing at my husband's last base. You DO have rights and privlages and protections as a spouse, including, an employer is NOT allowed to ask you about your husband's service in an interview and you don't have to disclose anything about it, you can apply for spousal preference for job opportunities, the military has its own program similar to the SNAP program if you have trouble making ends meet, and there are emergency relief funds you can apply for as opposed to high interest loans, you can cancel a lease without pentalty on PCS orders, etc., and there are things specifically for you. MilitaryOneSource is a great place to start learning.

Keep all your receipts from your move, you may need them for reimbursement, and any expenses not reimbursed are tax deductible. Also, keep receipts for anything you buy related to your husband's career that are requirements but not reimbursed, as a lot of that is tax deductible as well.

If you can help it, save as much of that BAH (and separation pay if you qualify) up that you get during bootcamp and before you move. There's probably going to be a lot of up front costs that you don't expect, and most will be reimbursed, but you don't want to be caught off guard by them. Start saving now for your next move for the same reason. If your husband opted to open an account with Navy Federal, my husband and I have found their easy start certificates very helpful for this, and even if we have to open it a little early, we still have more in our pockets to help than we would've using our savings.

The Navy is probably not going to ship your car for this move unless you're from like Hawaii or MAYBE if you have 2 vehicles, so start prepping for that road trip!

If the navy sends someone to pack for you, which I don't know for the A school move, we didn't have a lot before that, so I just drove out with my instruments, photo albums, and our clothes, and we furnished when I got there, but if they do, or just for future reference if they don't, they are being paid to put everything that was taken apart back together AND unpack everything for you. I don't like them to unpack all my stuff personally, but if you want them to, they have to. They also will clear away all the boxes and paper, or you can post them to FB for other families to pick up. It is common practice to feed them and have water available to them. Some military PCS tips are, color code your boxes and pieces of furniture with tape, then tape the room doors at your new place to make unloading easier. Take pictures of all high value items before you move, and double check that packing list before you sign that everything is on it and they have noted the condition. Have irreplaceable items appraised or I just pack those things with me. Designate a "do not pack" room or closet, and put everything going with you (clothes, papers, etc.) in that space. Always take important docs with you, especially anything related to your identity, warranties, titles, etc.. You can ask around about a lending closet if you expect a delay in your shipment, so you can have dishes, pots/pans, and all that. Always pack a little TP with you, or make sure it is the first thing you buy when you arrive. Liquids and flammables cannot be packed, so buying these items in bulk if you usually do, is not a good idea. Make your shopping list before you leave, so that you remember what you have coming and don't end up with 2 Costco toilet paper packs and you're not stressed and forgetting anything when you get there.

Book your hotel room in advance! There's nothing worse than finding out there's no space at the hotel…hence why I've spent the last 4 months waiting for a house back in my home state instead of enjoying my husband's new station in Europe. The ombudsman can help you with your location specifically.

Ask if base housing (if you choose to use it) includes renters insurance, this is something that is, unfortunately, fading away, and it may be a factor to consider when choosing to live on or off post.

If you are living in base housing and are outside or if you are on base at 8am or sunset, music will be played, this is colors (lowering or raising of the flag). You must stop your car, and your husband has to get out but you do not. If you are outside, you just stop what you are doing, face the music, and wait for it to finish unless you are managing young children, though you should encourage them to stop as well if they are old enough to understand. There is another song at 10pm, taps, and it can be ignored. Rev. can also be ignored (usually 6/6:30am). "Canons" are fired every Friday at Great Lakes specifically, and at the presence of any important service member, you don't have to do anything, just warning you so it doesn't freak you out, my first Friday at GL, I lost it.

Emergency alerts are signed up for with housing. Sirens will also alert you of anything happening on post. A "big voice" will come on telling you what to do. In Great Lakes specifically, these sirens are tested once a months. At our last base, it was random.

There is such thing as base dress code. It's easy to remember as the 4 B's: no belly, butt, boobs, or back. This is not exclusive to events, and just because no one talks to you about your outfits, or you see someone else wearing it, doesn't mean no one is noticing or that no one ever will say something. This is a real thing, at first I thought it was just a couple of really conservative wives talking nonsense, hating on the newer wives, the usual, but it does actually exist. While we might all know we shouldn't run around in a crop tops or "booty" shorts, less obvious things are strapless dresses in the summer and leggings if your shirt doesn't cover your butt, though obviously they're more lenient about this at the gym.

There are a lot of "rank" and "status" rules, and if you're going to Great Lakes, which is what I'm guessing because I think they're they only spot besides Nuke that has guaranteed that long of an A school, this will be a huge pain. Here's my key tip that I got from the ombudsman at his last base, when you're interacting with your neighbors and community memebers, don't ask about rank or status if you can avoid it. It's a different story if "my neighbor Sarah invited me over for coffee" than "Chief Petty Officer's wife Sarah invited me over for coffee." This is how things like COMPASS are allowed, no one is allowed to talk about their husband's rank; therefore, we can all do favors for each other and support each other, without it being considered a mutually beneficial relationship because you don't know anything except that we're all spouses, they even teach you to use, "my husband/sailor," "her husband/sailor," instead of names to help avoid gaining knowledge of the relationship. I found most people personally prioritized being neighborly and acting as a community than rank, but Great Lakes specifically can be pretty hard on all this…and everything, so that's just my tip for handling that. Remember that if your husbands are the same rank class (probably junior for him right now) and status (his will be "student" while in A school), you can talk openly about it and have a relationship. We carpooled with some other student, junior enlisted sailors in Great Lakes (base housing is not on base for Great Lakes, it's about 5-10 minutes off depending on traffic). Rank and student/staff status shouldn't matter to spouses, but it is something we have to keep in the back of our minds, like I was once taking out my recycle and was invited to come play beer pong by a man I knew was one of my husband's instructors, but he didn't know I was one of his students' wives…I knew that relationship would be inappropriate and said no, but the wife of a senior enlisted sailor that I know doesn't work directly over my husband asks to hire me to clean their house without knowing who my husband was, that's probably okay.

Sorry this dragged on a bit. I was just trying to think of things I wish I knew when I moved during A School. I have been meaning to upload all my resources from COMPASS and my experiences. I'll pop over here and let you know when I do :). Good luck to your husband, and welcome to the Navy family!

[Danita]

Wow, thank you! This information was super helpful!
My husband is leaving for boot camp next week and I have been contemplating whether or not I should move to Great Lakes area or wait until he gets stationed somewhere more permanently.

[Cali]

I know this is an old post, but I like to skim through the older posts before I ask my questions just in case I find answers there. Just wanted to say thank you Allison, for the in depth information! You're awesome! 

[Madison]

Will you be moving up to GL?

[Gaia]

hello, I need to know something about marriage. what do I suggest to do ?! first the C school or later?

[Allison]

Danita, there's a lot of factors to consider, especially when it comes to your school and/or career. I'd say if you can realistically make it happen, go for it! Great Lakes is a fantastic spot to start the Navy spouse journey because they're so strict that you learn fast, but it's  also a very strong and supportive  community if you get involved with it. You'll also face some of the biggest adjustments to shore life early on, which will probide your family with more realistic expectations, and if he goes on sea duty after C school, at least you got the time together in A school. Sometimes you have to take what the Navy gives you. 

That being said, the only person that can put you first once he gets on that bus, is you. Even if your husband tells you every day that you come first, like mine does, the Navy doesn't put you first, they put the Navy first, and our spouses have to do what the Navy says. There's tons of sacrifices and compromises to be made on the journey as a military spouse, so if you've got a killer job that you don't want to or can't afford to lose by the time you're supposed to move, or if you're a few credits shy of a bachelors or masters, or whatever you have going for you (these are just the most common), don't be afraid to put yourself first and stay put. Especially with A School, 6months is a really short amount of time to pick up your entire life and move for, and some find it's easier to wait for a permanent duty station (2-3yr commitment).  Anyway…there's tons of wives that don't move to A School. There's wives who don't move to some new permanent duty stations, there's wives that don't go overseas, there's wives that move closer to home when they have kids and their husbands have crazy shore schedules or are on a sea rotation, and there's no shame in any of it. You'll always meet a couple judgy types, but most of us totally get it, that we have to be advocates for ourselves and we all gotta do what we gotta do haha. 

Good luck in your decision making process, and know that no matter what, you're part of the Navy family now, and you always have support! 

[Danita]

Great things to consider! Thank you for your response, it really helps. Do you know if the sailors in A school get much liberty on the weekends? Or is it random?
We have a 1yr old together and the amount of liberty granted would play a huge role in me going or not.