Marriage during A school?

[Melshantell]

Hi everyone! 

This is kind of a long one, but its only because i'm trying to explain as much as I can so y'all know EXACTLY what i'm thinking! lol I am new at this and have been trying to get as much info as I can by reading all of y'alls posts! I have a few questions, my Fiance and I are planning on getting married during his time in A school (He is an AD and will be in Pensacola FL) His school is set to be about 7 weeks, but are thinking he will be there longer due to others peoples post about the time it takes to class up for that job. Now, this is all figuratively speaking (since he isnt leaving for basic until November 18th) we are thinking he will be out of school mid January, therefore thinking about getting married Feb. 7th. 

I guess my question is, how much can we plan ahead of time? We want to get married before he gets his orders to his duty station, so that is why we want to get married shortly after he arrives in FL. (getting married the weekend of graduation just seems like a bad idea, it would be too rushed). There are just too many "what if's" and so much time from now until then that it seems like we cant get anything done because we don't know anything that is for sure! 

Another question I have is what if by Feb. 7th, he is still in phase 1? Can he still get married if we have the wedding on base? Also, what are the forms he needs in order to get married? Not sure how that really works just yet. Can you do something through the church that makes it official with the state ( In Texas you can do that, i think?) We are both Catholic (if that helps any) That way he doesn't even have to go off base to get the marriage license. I know that people advise you not to get married when the A school is "short", but we really don't want to get married before basic (we have never been apart for that long and would like to see if we can handle it) and we both want me to be included in his orders.

PLEASE HELP! Any advise is greatly appreciated!!!!  

[caroleandtyler]

Hi. I don't know much about getting married while in a school, but my husband is in a school at the moment (the same place your fiancé will be going after his PIR). It will be nearly impossibly to get married immediately after his PIR. We were married several months before he even left for bootcamp, so it was easier for us. While in A-school, it will take him about 2 weeks to phase up to phase 2 if he does everything correctly. Then about 3 weeks after that to phase up to phase 3 if he continues to do everything correctly. Uhm. If you private message me, I can give you a good bit of in depth information on things & how it will work for both of you there. Just not in a public comment. Uhm, as to what you need to get married, you'll need both of your birth certificates & social security cards & ID's to apply for a marriage license. In the state we got married (Louisiana) I think we had to wait till 2 weeks before the ceremony to go get it.

[Anti M]

He must be on phase two to marry, as you have to get the license at the Escambia County Clerk.  He must be present.  In Texas they have a proxy service which gets around that, Florida does not. He must also get special liberty (out of class early) in order to make the hours at the court house.  That usually is not too difficult, he can do it at the same time he requests for you to be his liberty buddy.  Yes, they have to have liberty buddies to go off base in any phase.

http://www.escambiaclerk.com/clerk/coc_marriage.aspx

Also, he must put in a special request chit to marry, while they will not deny it, it takes a little while to get done.  This is mostly to inform his chain of command he is marrying, and he will need to either take a class or go through short counseling (it varies as policies change).  He must not skip the chit. That can take up to two weeks, I know at least one wife here has experience with it.  I hope she can give you some more detailed information. 

It will be a very tight schedule, and picking a date is near impossible until he checks in to A school and gets his chit in.  You must be married before the orders are issued, not simply before he graduates. About four weeks is ideal... but when he gets orders is a big unknown.  

It would not be possible to marry PIR weekend, you have to get the license one day and marry the next according to IL law.  He would be flying out the next day, making it impossible to get to a JP (he is not allowed to depart from RTC travel schedule). 

I hope this helps you firm up a better working plan.

[Melshantell]

yes it helped! thank you! :) 

[Melshantell]

So, he will need one chit for me to be his liberty buddy/special liberty, and one for the permission to get married? Also, do you think we have somewhat of a chance to be married before his orders are administered if he is to put in the chit forms (both of them) as soon as he gets there? I know it is unknown as to when they will receive their orders, but i feel like you know so much! lol 

[Anti M]

And a third chit if he wants to spend the night with you.  Yes, the sooner the better.

It really is a tight timeline, I wish you the best with it.  

[Melshantell]

ok, thank you so much! You have been really helpful! 

[Melshantell]

I have been reading around and trying to make sense of everything. I have seen many cases where the AD's will have to wait to class up (sometimes 2 weeks, sometimes 2 months) If this were to happen to my fiance (and if he has to wait 2 weeks or a month) would this be beneficial to us? given that we are receiving more time? We would still try to get married as soon as we can, but if he is not actually attending school and is just doing barrack support and standing watch, then we could possibly be married well before his orders are given, right?  *we are not counting on this, just trying to see if I am understanding correctly*  thank you! 

[Anti M]

You are correct, the hold times can vary wildly, and yes, it would work to your advantage.  He can still run chits and phase up while on hold.

Aaaaand I just had a thought.  Because he is leaving in November, he will be in boot camp for holiday stand down.  He may be graduating two weeks later than you think. Or maybe not.  

[Melshantell]

ohhhhh crap!!! I hope not, but thank you for the warning! That way I wont be totally surprised and bummed if/when he is gone longer!  When do people usually find out if their recruit will be in basic longer due to the Holidays? 

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

Do yourselves a favor and avoid all this headache.  If you're absolutely going to get married anyway, do it before he ships out.  The recruiter may be a jerk about it, go find a different recruiter.  We got married 10 weeks before my husband shipped out (after he had been in DEP for several months.  We had been living together for 2 years and had a 3 month old at that time, the recruiter knew we were going to get married, we were just waiting for a time he could get off work for a honeymoon.  

After seeing all the hassle it's been for other couples, I'm so glad we "made it official" before he joined.  The risk of financial burden alone is too much to take a chance with.  If you can't get that wedding squeezed in on time, you're paying for your move to his duty station.  Our move was reimbursed by the Navy because we were married, but it would have been a few thousand dollars out of pocket.  Seriously, just do it before.  Maybe someone here can give you info on waivers, that might apply depending on what waivers he needs already.  My husband had an age waiver, I think - he was 27 when he joined and 3 dependents (me, my son/his stepson and our daughter).  

Good luck!

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

I reread your comment and saw that you wanted to wait until after basic to "see how you handle being apart".  Basic is nothing compared to a deployment.  If you really think that it might change how you feel about him or he feels about you, then marriage should not even be discussed at this point.  You should wait until after his first deployment at the soonest.  I know it sounds harsh, please know I mean that with the best possible intentions and am in no way being snarky.  If you have doubts about the distance, and feel the relationship needs to be tested with distance, wait.  

[Melshantell]

oh no I don't think that at all! lol. We have been together for 8 years! Our "see how we handle being apart" is more of the excuse we are using because his parents are the ones who are not ok with it. Its kind of a controlling parent situation in his house (which is where he will be living until he goes off to basic) we both wanted to get married before (and still kind of think we should) however, we are just trying to make things right by his parents as well. Its really embarrassing actually, but the situation is completely in his hands on how he handles his parents unfortunately :/ (the thing with his parents goes wayyyyy deeper than what I just explained, there is just not enough time in the day to explain!) that is why we just hope that getting married after basic and during A school will give them some time to let it sink in and give them time to decide how they want to handle it. And please, feel free to be completely honest with me, no matter how harsh it sounds! I need the truth! No sugar coating please! ;)