Navy couples out there??

[aprilcat92]

Hello I just have a quick question. So my boyfriend and I have both enlisted in the Navy. He has been gone three weeks now and I leave in 13 days. Anyways my A school is only 7 weeks long and in San Antonio, TX while his is a year long and in CT. What I'm trying to find out is, after my A school or during Christmas time, whenever I can take leave, we have talked about getting married. If we do, will I be able to get stationed in CT until he finishes A school? Or will we be separated until he is done?

[abuon18]

After A school you'll have your orders and I don't believe they will change them if you get married. So when he finishes A school his orders will be for your duty stationZ at least that is my understanding of mil to mil marriages as my friend explained it to me. (Who is active duty Navy married to active duty Navy). The way she explained it was that they are required to station you within a certain mileage of each other but only once it's time for new orders. They don't have to change orders to accommodate.

[sailorwifenmom]

I know this isn't what you were hoping to hear, but something else to keep in mind with the spouse co-location thing, they are required to try to station you "close" - but close is relative... and a key word there is "try". Depending on your rates, if there isn't a billet for you there, then you don't go and you have to spend a tour apart. (We gave a friend in Misawa, Japan whose husband is stationed in Hawaii... that was as they could get them because of their jobs.)

Also, unfortunately, "close" can also mean different ships on opposite deployment rotations homeported out if the same area.

Your best bet will be for both of you to let your instructors and your detailors know your situation as soon as you start to even talk about getting orders, so that hopefully his detailor and yours can work something out...

Good luck!

[sailorwifenmom]

Ugh - sorry about the typos - have - not gave.... and as close as they could get them....

[aprilcat92]

Thank you for everything. I know it will be rough at first and we have talked about it numerous of times. But I hope we do make it through everything life has to throw at us. We have been together since high school. So for two and a half years now. 

[sailorwifenmom]

Please don't think I was trying to discourage you at all!! I was in the Navy when I met and married my husband and we have a lot if dual military friends. It's entirely do-able. It's just that a lot of times newly married couples are led to believe it will be easy, or that they will always be stationed together or near each other, so when that doesn't happen they aren't prepared for it. Then ut catches them by surprise and makes it harder, where if you know from the beginning, you can prepare for it so it's easier to tackle as a couple, know what I mean? :-)

[Angie]

Per MILPERSMAN 1300-1000

i. Collocation after Training. Members requesting training must be advised that they may not be eligible for spouse collocation consideration in conjunction with this training assignment. Members completing training will be assigned to an appropriate tour for these newly acquired skills, which may preclude or limit spouse collocation consideration for the duration of this post-training assignment.

 

First term Sailors are not entitled to spouse co-lo (which is the term for trying to be stationed together), as they just got training. 

 

While you are in "A" School, you will get orders to your first duty station...if you decide to get married while on leave that is your choice. BUT your orders will not change.  Your husband will get orders to his first duty station while in his "A" School.  The detailers (people who assign orders) do not have to do anything to try to get you two stationed together or even near each other, due to both being first term Sailors. 

 

There is a very high chance you can be stationed in different parts of the country or even the world, and there is nothing you can do about it.

[Anti M]

So, you're an MA and he's subs?  That might work.  Once you finish A school, you will get orders, but not to CT.  Even if you did get orders there (not impossible if there are billets there), then when he graduates, he gets orders... and they won't keep him in the area if there isn't a billet for him.

The reality is for your first enlistments, the Navy does not have to keep you together.  They may try, but as Chief Angie posted, you're going to where the billet you trained for is located, not where your spouse is located.  Do some fast research so you both can request to be stationed on bases where there are billets for both your rates, or in areas where there are bases close to each other for your rates.  San Diego is a good bet, and probably Norfolk.  

My husband and I were both ET1 when we married, after two years apart, we got spouse co-location.  I only had a year left on my orders, and they couldn't find anything for me in Japan, it was California or nothing.  I was up for re-enlistment, so I chose to quit after nine years.  It is very tough.

I know it is discouraging, but be prepared for separations longer than just the A schools.  You two can do it, hang in there, but I'm not going to BS you about the details.  We've been married for 25 years, so we got through the time apart.  It is worth it!

[Angie]

Something else to think about...is there is a high chance that even if you do get stationed in the same area..if you end up on a ship...one could do a deployment and the other could deploy right when the first was scheduled to come home.  Seen it happen