New Navy girlfriend in need of advice!!

[akelly32]

This is probably one of the most stressful times of my life! There's so many decisions to make, and I just don't know what to do. I'm 21 and in my last semester of my junior year at college, with about a year and a semester left. My sailor is in A school down in Florida and should be home to visit in a few weeks, and by then hopefully he'll know where his duty station will be - we're hoping Florida. Here's the stress - when I should pick up and move?, should I finish school up here? (18+hours away) or transfer to a nearby university? should we get married now? will it make things easier? can we live together now? (He's an e-3) SO MANY CHOICES! I really have no idea how I'm keeping it together right now. Advice please :)

[Anti M]

Sounds like you need ot talk to your sailor!

Questions lead to more questions:

School... does your program and your credits transfer?  Have you checked out other schools and do you know what is involved? Don't assume another school is ready to take you, do the research and get your facts ready.    

Marrying always makes it easier financially.  Are you strapped, or do you have an income source? Health insurance and so on?

Emotionally is always another situation.  If you don't feel ready, how do you both feel about a longer engagement?

If he gets orders stateside, yes, you can live together.  If he already has orders, the Navy won't move you to his new duty station.  You'd have to do that on your own dime, but the Navy would provide either housing or a housing allowance.  You must be married enough in advance of orders so the detailer knows to issue accompanied orders.   If he gets overseas orders, you can't go anyway, because he's an E-3.  That would give you time to finish school.  

How would you feel if you married, followed him to a duty station, and he deployed for eight months right away?  

[akelly32]

I've looked in to schools, and my credits do transfer. The programs are pretty much the same give or take a class or two, which is fine. I've even applied to a few to be ready just in case. I've definitely done my homework in the school department.

As far as finances go, I'm doing okay. I have health insurance through my mother for the next, I believe, 3 years. I do need to begin to take out student loans which I'd like to begin to pay off now and save thousands in interest. The thing is, when filing for FAFSA I can only do so as a dependent because I am under 24 and not married EVEN THOUGH I'm paying for school and such. So instead of getting more grants because I'm a broke college student, I get less because I have to enter my mothers income even though I don't live with her. This is where I feel like getting married might help out the situation a little..He wants me to be out of school before we get married, but I'm having more of the "why wait" thought..

I understand that deployment is part of the job, and since we've been in a long distance relationship before, I feel as though I'm semi-ready for that challenge. If he were to deploy right away, it would be hard emotionally but that's where school and work would serve as a great distraction...maybe even a puppy as well haha.

There's so many IFs, as I'm finding out, and things are constantly changing. Just today my sailor told me he'll be in Pensacola for an extra 2 months longer than he though...how do families ever get anything straight with all of these uncertainties?

[Anti M]

How?  Flexibility.  

I was born and raised in the Navy, joined the Navy, married Navy and we're now retired Navy.  My acquired kid and wife are Navy, and my nephew is Navy.  You learn to go with the flow and be mellow.  

For anyone considering puppies:  get a small breed or a cat.  Housing won't allow certain breeds, and usually no more than two dogs.  You may find yourself in expensive, undesirable rentals if you have the "wrong" type of pets.  Just a head's up.

[akelly32]

It's so hard figuring out what's right! Have you gotten a letter from him yet? Keep tissues handy lol I was such a baby with EVERY LETTER! Write often...it helps him more than you could ever imagine. Are you planning on going to PIR? If you have the chance to, go. It's an amazing experience that you can share with him. We talk everyday now about what we should do. When are you graduating? For us, we've decided for me to stay here at home and finish my degree instead of transferring. It just seems easier for us to do that. Have you talked about any of this before he left for RTC? It's hard to discuss it in letters, but the topics can be introduced.

[cheylovesasailor]

Remember you always have to do what is best for you, I am married and live back at home instead of with my sailor because I have a full ride scholarship as much as I would love to be with him he is deployed for the second time in a years time. I was just like you at first all these questions, but when we talked about it we decided in the furture it would be better if I were to stay here and finish school. And sorry not to sound rude but deployments are not like him being in the USA sorry I hope this doesn't come across rude I thought the same at first. Its different though you will have e-mails to communicate and those aren't reliable and you could go weeks without hearing from him, its way harder but its worth it worth in in the end. I do agree with you on school keeping you busy it keeps me sane! lol. I hope everything goes well for you and that it all works out :-)

[akelly32]

It doesn't come across rude, just realistic. I understand the fact that deployments are not necessarily in the u.s. and he will be traveling all over the world for months at a time. My beat friends fiancee is in the navy and I've been there for her through deployments and u see the kind of toll it takes on a person. That's actually what we decided as well. It's best for me to stay here and graduate then to drop everything and follow him. We're still talking about when the best time is to actually get married. We have no problem being married and living separate for a while like you and your husband. Were you two married before he went to RTC? Thank you for your insight...every little bit helps!

[cheylovesasailor]

I"m glad you didn't think it was rude, and no we weren't married before RTC we got married after he went through all his schools and then his first deployment. We knew we were going to get married we just thought that it was best to go through one deployment together before hand to see how we handled it as a couple. lol. It was crazy but we were so close even though we were far away, and now were on our second deployment in a year's time. Its so worth it to see them again though, and I wish you the best with your hubby and school too there both stressfull! :)