Newly married & hubby is leaving sooner than we thought!

[Skyla (SHIP 07 DIV 191)]

Hello ladies! My hubby leaves for RTC 20120424 and I am getting a complete mix of emotions with each week that passes. I am going to stay here (Oklahoma) and finish my CNA certification until after his A school and will be leaving with him to his new duty station when we find out in September. I am beginning to panic a little. We both were born and raised in this town and neither of us have lived away from family/friends for long at a time. Any advice? Anyone else have a SR shipping around the same time? I will be going to PIR by myself and would love to make a few friends who can relate! Thanks :)

[NorfolkNavyWife]

My fiance graduated boot camp on 2012-01-13. We have been together for four years & have never really been apart. Plus, we live together. When he left, things were really weird at first. You never really know what it means to miss someone until you can only write letters, you don't hear their voice everyday that kind of thing. But, trust me, your relationship only gets stronger from the time apart. On the day Tom left, I started a journal. I knew I wasn't going to be able to include every detail of my life in the letters I would write him. So, I typed everything out. Just used Microsoft Word and began to document everything. I told him exactly how I was feeling. In the letters, I always tried to sound upbeat and give lots of encouragement. So, the journal gave me a place where I could let everything out.

Start writing your letters the day he leaves. You won't be able to send them right away, but when you do get his address, you'll be able to flood him with lots of love from home. Send him pictures (wallet sized ones work the best!), sports stats of his favorite teams and anything else to make him feel better.I always typed my letters so I could fit more on a page!

Don't worry, boot camp goes by so quickly. It sounds like it's going to be forever, but before you know it you will see him at Pass-In-Review!

Hope that helps a little bit! :)

[Skyla (SHIP 07 DIV 191)]

Thank you, that really helped! I'm mostly nervous because we have only been married a month and we don't live together yet. It just makes sense for us to stay where we are now until after he graduates since I am in school and he is leaving soon anyways. I don't see getting an apartment all to myself for that time necessary. It is just another bill, in my opinion. I'm mostly confused/worried about what will happen when he gets his first orders and housing and all that other stuff. It's just overwhelming, but I can't wait to start our journey together!

[Anti M]

Concentrate on boot camp first, then his school.  Plenty of time to read up here and learn what questions to ask.  You are going to have one heck of a honeymoon ... eventually!

And just so you know, whatever the length of his A school will be on paper, expect it to be longer.  There's always some training you don't know about yet (a week of base indoc for example).  And there can be holds waiting to class up even if it is self-paced, and there often is a wait for orders after graduation.  So September is only a suggestion rather than a concrete timeline.  

In the meantime, start a file for all important papers, get certified copies of everything such as birth certificates,  your marriage license, etc.  Get a Power of Attorney for him so you can handle personal business without question.  Make sure all banking accounts are in order.  Look over whose name vehicles are in, insurance, and health records.  Go over every situation where you'd need to make a decision and be sure he knows you'll be handling things beautifully while he is gone.  That's one of the jobs of a Navy wife, taking care of business!

If you get BAH while living at home, sock it away. There are always unexpected expenses when moving, and you need emergency cash, and you'll need a lot of thisnthat when you two do get a place together.  

[meagan5220]

^^^ Anti M gives the BEST advice!! :) When my husband got to A school he was told his wait could be anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months. Ended up only being about 3 weeks luckily but his rate is one that fills quickly apparently. So you might find a group for his rate for a school and hop on and see how long wait times are looking about now.

 

A piece of advice is to do tonnnnnnnnns of research on your own. I know more stuff about the goings on of the ship my husband is on then he does. There are certain things you will hear need to be done and someone will tell him they dont need to be done. I would say push him to ask someone higher. That happened to us and he didnt listen to me we almost didnt get married bc his instructors didnt want him doing the paperwork for it but his chief did.

 

Get POA, if you are going to try and get housing on base especially while he is gone. you will need a POA for everything.. even if some other wife tells you she just did it the other day and she didn't need it.. take it. Different people on different days require different things. I have all my important files in a lock box. it stays with me every move!

 

For expenses one thing I have learned is I only budget with his income. that way we are living within our means and then all my extra money is savings. One thing I have seen run rampant is military families constantly going over their budget due to spending money on luxuries they cannot afford and then overdrawing every month. My husband and I live very frugally so we can save at least 400-500 every month out of all of his income. then mine is just extra for fun, for the future, etc. :)

 

also I am from Oklahoma, we went to Washington state for about 6 months and I can tell you that was hard. Just bc the rainy weather there was soo different from here and bc we werent going to be there super long getting a job I actually wanted didnt happen so I was working somewhere I was unhappy. but I am back in Oklahoma for about 3 more weeks visiting then I am moving to Virginia. I can tell you I am beyond stoked! I cannot wait to get there get our house set up and for him to get back... eventually. They keep pushing their return date farther and farther back. Which I expected but still sucks!

[Anti M]

Your budgeting advice is terrific.  I've seen it too, the bigger checks than a young couple is used to getting start to roll in.  They spend a lot of money on luxuries, furniture, vacations, cars, fancy phones.  Then the BAH is late or wrong one month, the spouse can't find a job, the Navy has overpaid you and takes it ALL back at once.  Setting aside money is important, not just for your future, or future kids, but for emergencies and for moves.  No matter how much money the Navy gives you for a move, you'll need more.  

Always set aside a minimum of 10% into an account which is not to be touched.  

I'll laughing because my "kids" (young friends we basically adopted) both needed cars and now our savings are flat.  Darn kids.  

[meagan5220]

thanks :) I was pretty poor growing up and I told myself I would never be poor again after college!! well at least never poor like that!! my Navy wife friends mess with me because I am always thinking about everything in terms of money! lol and the best thing about deployment is going to be our savings account!!

 

One thing I started doing when I was in school was to think of everything in terms of hours. So I made min wage which is 7.25... figure with taxes you are maybe getting ehh 6.50-6.75, so anytime I wanted to buy something I would look at the price tag and figure up how many hours of work it was. So a 40$ dress was almost 7 hours worth of work! With being in school that was almost two shifts! So it really helped me trim up my spending habits. Now I do the same thing with his income. When we want something I look at how much time he had to work to get that item. If its not worth it right then I will put a little back every month if its something we still really want. My income goes straight to savings we use part of it for trips and fun stuff then most of it goes towards our next car and paying off our current car.

 

haha I spend a lot of extra money on my dogs. My husband always has to talk me down out of takin them to the vet when the littlest thing happens. lol One of my dogs gets bad bladder infections and bladder stones. I can clear it up by myself but everytime it happens I still get so upset I try to rush him in. They cant do much for him because he is so old except charge me an arm and a leg lol.

[Anti M]

My spending addictions include jewelry and vacations.  

[meagan5220]

lol mine includes food. and candy. lol I loveeee chocolate! and I sell Scentsy... and that started mostly bc I love it! lol!!

[tiffanyk2010]

There has already been some GREAT advise below so I won't add much.  But one thing to help you get through boot camp, see if your husband would be willing to pre-record some videos for you.  My husband suprised me with that right before he left and they were a life saver.  He recorded one for every week he was gone.  Since he left on a Thursday, it became my Thursday morning ritual.  Get up early, and spend a moment with my husband.  They weren't anything too long, some under a minute and none were longer than 4 minutes, but they made all the difference.  When I needed to hear his voice, I would just replay my videos.  Oh and join the FB forum for his division when he gets there.  I made some amazing friends that I still keep in touch with.  Take it one step at a time.  :) 

[ilovemyabh]

So im kinda new to this, but I felt the exact same way in the weeks leading up to my fiance leaving. We've been together for two years and we did everything together! He is my best friend and I thought i would be lost without him, and of course I don't feel right not having him here, but now that he's going through boot camp, week number one flew by! the hardest part for me to get through were those first couple hours. Have your husband take his phone with him to MEPS and then just mail it home when he gets to RTC. It definitely helped me ALOT! Because then we were able to talk while he was at the air port and when his flight landed in Chicago. It was a huge relief, especially because we got to have this sweet good bye before he had to go check in.<3 Like someone else said write everyday from the day he leaves, it will be a huge relief for him when they finaly do get mail! Another thing, keep a journal. Write in it once a day or every couple days... Another thing we did. Was when my fiance( Zach) joined, from the moment he was in DEP he kept a journal and wrote in it once a day or every couple days and then when he left I had this whole journal with sweet things written in it... Another thing we did, video tape him saying things like "good morning" "I love you" and "goodnight" before he leaves... that way when you get sad you always have him saying i love you.... These are some of the few things we did before he left that im finding really helpful! oh and one last thing we did, he wrote on note cards, enought for me to get one everyday. Just sweet little positive notes that really keep me going! :) I hope you find some of these helpful! :D

[Anti M]

Here's another perspective:  As a ex-sailor, I'm telling the new ones departing to not spend their entire time on the phone on the trip and the night before, to grab as much sleep as they can. Those poor guys will be kept awake for 48~72 hours when they hit Great Lakes ... they need to nap when they can on their way, including at the USO/airport.  I tell the moms the same thing too. Talk it over before he departs, so you'll both be on the same page about phone time on the way.