PLEASE READ! WILL THE NAVY LEAVE ME STRANDED AND HOMELESS IF I AM A DEPENDENT?

[Krose018]

Hello,

 My friend told me about this site in the hoping that I can get some advice from all of you. My name is Kelly and I have been with a wonderful man for about two years now. He just left for his naval basic training and has about 44 days left and then goes to his A school. We are going to be getting married on his 10 day leave. But I am very worried cause what I thought was a stable situation has turned out to become a nightmare for me. The wedding is not going to be a problem. After the wedding is what I am worried about. fiance's recruiter told me that the Navy would pay for me to move to where ever his orders are. Like if he goes to California they will either pay to have my stuff shipped or pay me back for it. Also if he goes over seas they would accommodate me. Well I just found out that is not the case. I found out that I have to pay for everything in full even though I will be his dependent. I found out that this is because I did not marry him before his basic training. We did not get married for a few reasons his recruiter told us not to. I am worried if he does not get stationed here in Hampton roads for a few reasons. I turned down a permanent well paying job about 2 months ago because I got hired for a summer camp job, since I was told I would be able to join him. My summer job does not pay much a lot of it is having to go to my wedding and other expenses. I had planned that maybe I would just get another job after my summer one and live at home a bit longer (I am a student and live with my mother)  and save up most of my money so I can join him if he is far from here. Well my mother told me that at the end of his 10 days of leave if he is not stationed here in Hampton roads I need to be packed and out, all of my stuff, clothes, furniture, my pets, everything, also I will have to find another place to live she said until I can save up money. She does not care where I go or what I do. Well I found out if this happens I guess I will be living out of my car and pretty much homeless until I can save up enough That is if I can even get a job. I sent my fiance a letter asking him to choose 3 state side bases and telling him that I found out the Navy will not pay for me to join him. He does not know though that I will have no place to live after I marry him if he is not stationed here in Hampton Roads. I don't want to tell him that part in a letter since I do not want him to worry about me. I want him to do well at is Basic training. I love him so much and I want everything to work out. I know he is going to be very upset if he has to leave for his orders and his new wife ends up homeless. I am just really scared right now and could use some advice or guidance. Do you all have any information that may help me? Is there anyone or a organization I can contact to get help or advice?  Also it is 100% true that the Navy won't pay for me to join him at all even after I marry him? Like would the Navy really let a sailor's new wife and dependent end up on the street with no place safe to go? I was under the impression that they took care of the military wives and families......I am afraid of what will happen to me if I end up living in my car or on the street and if my future husband, after I become his wife cannot do anything about it. I know my fiance is going to be very upset when he finds this out. Is there anything that he can do to help me or I can do?  I really don't want to end up on the street and not be safe, while I wait for him to get leave to come back and help me. I also do not have any family or friends willing to help me. I am sad since I do not have a good support net at all.

Thank you,

Kelly

[CourtNavyWife]

If you would like to message me i could try and answer some questions!

[Krose018]

The questions I mainly have are the ones I posted. Like will I get any help to get over to him at all? I won't have a place to live after his 10 days are up. I really do not want to end up on the street. Is there anything that can be done to make sure I have a place to stay or so I can get to him?

[Knicky (Ship14Div351)]

Ok, first calm down. The Navy WILL PAY for you to move with him (or pay you back if you choose to DTY - Do It Yourself) once you are his dependent. And so long as he gets accompanied orders you will move wherever he does....sounds like this recruiter just doesn't want him to get married for whatever reason...though honestly it would have been easier if you had married BEFORE he went to basic because then you would have already been getting BAH and insurance and he would already be getting accompanied (married sailor) orders, etc. Anyway, so long as you get married and he lets the Navy know he is married..which he must, it's against the law not too... he will be able to get housing (BAH) and your insurance settled. Though most of the housing issue will be up to him and you, they don't just give you housing...if it's on post housing you will go on a wait-list and will need to rent a place until you can get housing or you can just find a place to rent yourself and the BAH will cover that. As for your sailor you are right...I wouldn't even bother telling him any of this because it would just upset him over no reason, none of this is true and you will get help. So no, you will not end up living out of your car so long as you have at least somewhere to stay (your mothers I assume) until his new, married, orders are settled and you are in the "system"....also do not count on him being stationed where you are...they do not get to pick where they go, it's up to the Navy and since you waited till after basic to get married there is a very real chance that you will not be able to get BAH settled for a few months at best but once you start to get BAH you will be able to find a place to live.

[Krose018]

Thank you for the information. Also I would not be at my mother's she is the one throwing me out, that is why I will have no where to go. Thank you again.

[Anti M]

What A school is he going to?  You can fly there and get courthouse married before his orders are issued if the school is long enough.  I am sure he would be willing to help pay for that.  If you can get this done, you will be "on the orders" and eligible for a paid move. 

Just for clarification, he does not get ten days of leave after boot camp. That's the Army.  He can take leave after A school, a week or two.  So it is important to know which A school.  What will his rate be?  His job?  

Your "wedding money" will be far better put to use for getting to where he is.   

Reduce your belongings.  You can replace a lot of your stuff later.  This is standard advice anyway for spouses facing a first move.  The Navy will not assist you until you are a spouse.  Once you are married, he will get a housing allowance for you.  You can get small emergency loans from Navy Relief.  Family Services may also be of help.  

[Krose018]

He is going to be a MA (Master at Arms) I believe the main A school is at the Lackland AFB which in Texas and is only 40 calendar days. Also the other two I believe are 50 days long. They get their 10 day leave after their A School. I am not sure if I can marry him while he is at this A School. I do not think I can get loans? My credit has been destroyed by someone who stole my identity a while back. I will look into family services. The wedding cannot be canceled as my mother has paid a non refundable fee for the venue and is paying for a lot of it but I have to help out some. Thank you for the advice.   

[Anti M]

You already have a paid for wedding venue?  A fixed date?  A schools are notorious for not running according to calendar days for school, they often are placed on hold while waiting to class up.  The calendar days are minimum seat time, not actual time at the training command.  

Join the MAA groups and you can get a better picture of how A school in Lackland is running right now.

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/maamoms

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/sanantoniomasatthu

[Krose018]

Yes we have paid for it. But they said we can change the date anytime. the do many many military weddings. So we can get married anytime which is great. Thank you for the links I will look into them!

[Angie]

If you get married AFTER he has his orders and while he is on his 10 days leave the Navy WILL NOT pay to move you.  His orders will have been written for him and him only!  He could get orders overseas and than you will NOT move with him and you will be separated from him for at least 2 YEARS.

I would recommend you go see him while he is in "A" School and do a court house wedding and than do a big family one while he is home on leave..that way you will be on his orders and the Navy will pay to move you where he is. 

Also as Anti M said...the school dates change all the time. 

Regarding where he gets stationed, he has NO control over that!  They fill out a dream sheet, which that is all it is a dream.  He will be sent where the Navy needs him

[mrs.jane.rad]

I'm sorry, it sounds like you're going through a lot at once. I'm pretty new to the whole navy life but I learned quickly that it can throw you a lot of curve balls! I would investigate doing a court house ceremony as soon as possible while he is in A school so that you can start getting support ASAP! Also that way you will be on his orders as I have heard it is very difficult to get added afterwards. Then, have your dream wedding when time allows. My husband and I did a small ceremony before he enlisted and had a ceremony and reception a few months later. He should have enough money after basic to fly you out and I think it will end up saving money and stress later on. Good luck!

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

First off, calm down.  You will get through this.  I know it's really hard when there are so many unknowns.  You have to marry him before he gets his orders in A School for the Navy to pay for your move.  But let's say that's not possible.  How much will it cost you to get yourself and your clothes to move.  Worst case, absolutely worst case scenario, you pack your car full of stuff and drive to his duty station.  Actually, that's not the worst case, he could get stationed overseas, in which case you would likely not be allowed to move with him until he is an E-4 or higher.  BUT, he would be getting paid Basic Allowance for Housing because he's married and he should be helping you with your living expenses if he's receiving money to do it.  So, either way you will be able to have a place to live.  

If you can afford a trip to see him in A School, or he can help you out (remember, marriage is a partnership, you both have to do your parts), you can get married and you will be on his orders.  In that case, my blog post here will help you with the details.  

If you cannot make it out before he gets his orders, for instance, his A School is too short and he doesn't have time to complete the requirements to get permission to marry (more on that later), then think of the things you absolutely have to take with you.  What can you sell/get rid of to lighten your move?  If you live with your mom now, I imagine you probably don't have a ton of stuff other than personal items, so it is a very good bet that it will fit in your car.  Then you just have to worry about gas money.  You can probably make it anywhere in the CONUS (Continental US - everywhere but Alaska and Hawaii) in a few days, so food, lodging.  Motel 6 is like $35/night.  We stayed there when we PCSed because they were the only affordable hotels that were reliably friendly to dogs.  Plus, after he graduates A School, he will have the 10 days leave and travel time (more on that in my blog post) so you will be able to travel together.  

Don't worry him about all this while he's in bootcamp.  He can't do anything, he can't check on anything and it will only be a huge distraction.  Keep your letters light.  You can tell him what's going on, what you've found out but do it in a "I'm handling it" tone, not a "OMG, I don't know what to do!" freaking out tone.  You are handling it.  You have the internet, you will likely be able to find out more than he will anyway.  I know I did when my husband was in A School.  

What is your bf's rate (his job, usually abbreviated by two or three letters, for instance my husband is an Engineman, which is EN)?  That will give you a clue as to which A School he's going to be at and you can start finding out info about that school.  Where it is, what liberty policies are like, what marriage requirements have been in the past - remember, Navy policy can change rapidly, so always know that what you find out may not be the way it is anymore.  If he's going to Great Lakes, I may be able to help with info from there.  There are a few other ladies here that are very familiar with Great Lakes, too.

Best of luck and most importantly, breathe.  You can get through this.  Don't panic.  Feel free to message me.

Jenn.

[Krose018]

He is going to be an MA (Master at Arms) the school is at Lackland AFB. I was told the school is actually about 6 to 10 weeks. Would that be enough time to get down there and marry him?