Pregnant during Deployment

[courtneya]

Hi everyone! I have been counting the days until my husband finishes A School. We got our orders to Norfolk and everything was falling in place. Norfolk is about 9 to 10 hours from our families and hometown.. it was all so perfect. Now he is deploying basically immediately after we arrive.

I'm not worried about being alone. I've been alone for the past 7 months. I can do it again. I'm however 4 months pregnant. I've gotten a lot of pressure from his NMTIs at school and family and friends who assume I'm going to stay at home now. I still want to move to Norfolk, set up our home and get into a routine. (Currently I'm living with my parents and it's driving me insane.) I just graduated from undergrad in May and start grad school this fall.

My mothers biggest concern is that if I'm placed on bed rest or get put in the hospital before the baby is born what am I going to do? I do have a dog and she brings this up quite often. The baby isn't due until the end of January, and she will take time off and stay with me after the baby is born, but her point is if things don't go well before the baby. 

I'm at a loss, and looking for advice. I really feel like I can do this but at the same time I don't have answers for her impossible questions. Anyone been in a similar situation? 

[abuon18]

I was in a similar situation last year except I was not pregnant. My husband received his orders to Norfolk & deployed 3 weeks later.

My advice is to stay home. I stayed in San Diego where I had a job & a great support system. Deployment is really tough & stressful on us at home so its important to have a good support system. I know people move and start over alone when their spouses deploy all the time but especially being pregnant and knowing you will be having the baby while he's gone, I really suggest staying home. You can still move a month or two before he comes home so you can settle and have the house a "home" for when he returns.

[Anti M]

If you do choose to go to Norfolk, you will have the Family Readiness Group to lean on.  Maybe you'll love them, maybe not, but the group of spouses is capable of forming a tight bond and looking out for each other.   They are the support system who is in the know and experiencing deployment side by side.  Some people like this, some do not.

Once I moved away from home, even though I loved my family, I could not stand to go back to being a daughter under their roof.  No one treated me like an adult, even at age 30.  If you need bed rest, you can send the dog home.  If your parents drive you insane, then do not stay.  

[courtneya]

Thank you both. Anti M I really appreciate your advice, I feel as though you are the only person who has pointed out that it can work. Thank you. I should say that I love my family dearly and appreciate their support, it is just time to be my own individual. 

I've talked to my husband and he has denied a plane ticket, so I am going. I'm excited and looking forward to getting to know others in the area and the FRG. 

[Anti M]

Best wishes on your new journey!

I think my perspective is different because I have been Navy all my life, almost.  Mom was a Navy wife, the old fashioned kind.  I saw what the "Wives Clubs" did for her.  As a sailor and later, a dependent wife, I know support comes in many forms besides family and hometown friends.  There is the FRG, co-workers if you have a job, mommy groups, church groups, new friends.  Lots of good people in the world, in the Navy.

PM me anytime... well, not starting next week for a while, I'll be offline.  

[NewBeginnings]

What do *you* want to do? What is in your little family's best interest? Because while extended families are important, after you get married their opinion is less relevant (note I said only *less* relevant). You guys have to do what you think is best for all three of you. There's no doubt that if you move here you'll make friends and find resources. It's a pretty nice area. 

And a little bit of unsolicited advice (take it for what it's worth - exactly $0.00) Do yourself a HUGE favor and banish the word "perfect" from your vocabulary where the Navy is concerned. I don't have any complaints, personally, but you'll save yourself a lot of stress trying to make things perfect when dealing with Navy matters. 

[RachaelJay]

Just to pipe in... you can't plan (especially in the Navy and in pregnancies) for "what if's." I understand your mother's concerns, but if you decide to stay home *only* in case something happens before birth and then you carry to term, you might regret having stayed home. You know what's best for your little family and that's what you should do.