Ship's Company Advice

[AOWife825]

Advice: my fiancé is currently in A-school. And they are in process of picking their orders. She said she is leaning towards ships company and not squadron. Her reason for ships company she has a better chances for advancement and she wants the Navy as career. And she heard with ships company she may be away a lot. And our plan is to start a family within the next year but she is scared of missing too much and our children not knowing who she is. (I would never let that happen, but she is a worry worm when it comes to certain things, and overthinks a lot) I wanted to know if any of the SO here whose other half is ships company and what's the quality of life like with your SO. Are the really gone as often as she may think? We also discussed her starting with ships company for her first 5 years (that's how long her contract is right now for active duty) and if she feels it's too much, switch to squadron or shore duty for next orders. I really want her to do what's best for her career because I'm going to be here no matter what. I'm just trying to Prep myself. Any advice is helpful.

[Anti M]

A lot would depend on the ship.  If it is a carrier, then the squadron could/would be deployed about as much as they often go together.  Squadrons can be deployed overseas for six months or more, so perhaps that is not as good of a choice as she thinks.  My dad was with squadrons, he was gone a lot.  

I was born and raised in the Navy, and was closer to mom, but we did alright.  Having dad leave then return was normal for us.  Now there is also skype and facetime, communication is far better.  Many families do it, and raise very resilient kids.  "Navy brat" is something some of us are proud of.  

[AOWife825]

Thank you so much!

[gej]

I am also a Navy brat and as we have discussed before my bestfriend is an AO.

No matter which she chooses there will be long periods of time where she is gone. I'd say to choose what makes the best sense for her goals. The longest deployment my friend was on was 9 months. This is the nature of the Navy and something she will need to come to terms with regarding raising her kids.

My friend waited 3 years until he was close to having shore duty before starting his family. I have seen people do it both ways and by my observation this seemed like the best decision but of course you have to decide what is right for you. She may get out of deployments while pregnant but she may be looked at negatively for it.

I will also add that even with shore duty there may be times they send her away to other stations so she will likely have times she isnt with her kids though probably not as long.

[AOWife825]

I would be the pregnant one. So her being frowned upon wouldn't be an issue. I told her either way she goes she will be away. But she won't be absent. I even told her that with my crazy self I would be that wife that tries to make it to majority port ins as a mini family vaca. I know it's gonna work out for the best.

[Anti M]

Long ago, my mom met my dad at as many ports in Europe as possible.  Travel was easier and cheaper then, but it can be done to some extent. That was when the FRG was the Wives Club.  I had to stay home, boo!

Starting a family in the Navy is sensible financially. If you are lucky, you will get a great Family  Readiness Group, they can be terrific with support and helping out.  And at least she would get paternity leave (they need a better word for that!).   

[AshleyT]

Gej - is your friend still in the Navy? My boyfriend left May 6th and is going to be an AO. Him and I are waiting to see if we can make this lifestyle transition work and if so getting married in 2 years. However, I worry about where he will be deployed to and for how long. I'm rolling with the punches but I was hoping you could give me some more insight on your friend who is/was an AO. thanks for any tips, insight and advice you can provide me with :)

[gej]

He is still in the Navy. I think he is a lifer. He is currently doingbhis shore duty in california because that is where the navy needes him. When he picked orders he was trying to get the east coast but the Navy does what it wants.

I guess what I am saying is you do still have to roll with the punches. Sadly, I cant give more insight than that because the navy is an ever changing thing. My friend has been all over the world. He loves his job though it has been hard on his wife at times. She is my good friend too and I am sure she would say that staying busy while they are gone is key.

[AshleyT]

okay, thank you so much for the tips. I've been trying to keep busy as much as possible, by taking up scrap booking and going to the gym more often. I'm here for the long haul but its nice talking with other people who have been through or know people who have been through similar experiences. thank you so much for sharing.

[gej]

Thats good.
It sounds like you have a good and positive out look. Don't lose that. I know it will be hard on her the times she cant be with the kids but if you both stay flexable and positive you and your future children will be fine no matter where she is or how long she is gone.

If it is something she is very concerned about consider if you two can wait until her shore duty. That would be my best advice. secondly I would say embrace your community. Having the Navy community when you have young children is invaluable in my opinion.

[TomatoPotato]

As ships company, every time the ship goes out she will go with it even if there are no airplanes on it.  My husband was ships company very early in his career.  Even though he was an AT assigned to AMID, if the carrier left the dock he went with it.  No matter whether she is ships company or assigned to a squadron she is going to deploy...neither is the lesser of two evils.