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**UPDATE 4/26/2022** Effective with the May 6, 2022 PIR 4 guests will be allowed. Still must be fully vaccinated to attend.
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Should I say anything to him?
My fiance sent me a letter last week saying that he was mentally unstable. This week, his message was a bit more upbeat, saying that my letters help him a lot. Well, he sent his mother a letter this week and it had two different pieces of paper. The first letter expressed every fear and concern that I have too! He described not knowing if he can handle the military way of life. He doesn't want to miss his children growing up. He said he didn't feel as though the Navy life was what he had imagined...And he doesn't know if it is the kind of life he wants when raising a family... He said not to be surprised if he shows up at the door looking sad.... He also was saying he didn't think he'd make it through basic training anyway...... His second letter was more upbeat, saying he thinks he can mentally make it though... and it seemed a bit more positive....
My question is... should I say anything about how I honestly feel too? I wrote him a letter last week telling him that I stood behind him no matter what choice he makes, which I do. Should I express to him how hard it is though? I mean... I want to be supportive too.. but I'm starting to wonder if he really knew what he was getting himself into... Or should I just send encouragement to get through boot camp? I'm so torn.. I really want to beg him to just come home.... but at the same time I want him to go for his dreams without worrying about me....
Views: 296
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by SubWife2011 on
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Personally, I would just send encouragement. All he needs to worry about right now is getting through BC. Try to stay as upbeat in your letters as possible.
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Permalink Reply by Squeekerz on
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But what if his concerns are actually really sincere? What if he really doesn't want to be away from his kids? If he doesn't really think about it soon, there's no way he can just come back, right? He rushed into this thinking it was a great way to support his family... but I think he's starting to realize he's going to be spending a lot more time away from us than he initially thought....
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Permalink Reply by Janae' *My Love is HOME :)* on
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He will spend a lot of time away from family but the navy allows him to be stable with a steady paycheck every month. He doesn't have to worry about how he's going to pay the bills or how he's going to feed his family... You should send letters of encouragement because that's what he needs right now and he needs u to support him with this. It's very hard for them and in boot they think it's the worst thing starting off but they won't regret it after pir.... You have to be strong for him. It will get better... I thought boot camp was the worst time ever but I realized he's doing it for us and our future.
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The thing is, he and I are emotional people... Money isn't an issue... we'll figure things out... but if we can't be together and feel close... that's what will make things not work out. :(
I'll continue to be encouraging... but.... Now I have even more doubts than ever.
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Bootcamp is hard on everyone.....it will probably be one of the hardest parts of his military experience. Once he is in A School, it is so much better. There is a lot more communication. Everything will be fine.
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I understand that u are an emotional person because I am too... I know what it feels like to miss him... I cried every night for like 3 weeks straight when he left for boot because that was something different for us. I didn't know if it was going to work between my husband and I when he went in boot but I kept high hopes and so did he.. He was only my boyfriend then but we were and still are in love and we wanted nothing more than to be together in a relationship. As long as we knew we had each other no matter how close or far we are from one another we were happy. It's an emotional roller coaster but everything will be okay. This is something he wanted to do because he joined, so just be strong and supportive for him and it will pay off in the end.
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Permalink Reply by Andi6109 on
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Send encouraging letters in boot camp...then after boot camp if you get any alone time at PIR have a serious conversation. That is what we did. Some of his letters said one thing, others said another. Like a few people have said boot camp is so hard on them mentally...he said all the downtime he had he mind f***ed himself more than his RDC's did. He was shocked at how much he thought about things that had never crossed his mind before he got there. So just be encouraging in your letters but then have a conversation with him afterwards. We are almost 6months into A school and he is graduating in about 4 weeks from A school and our relationship is better than ever and for the most part he seems to like the Navy and the path he chose more and more everyday. So don't worry or get discouraged. Good Luck with everything!!
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Permalink Reply by Jessicay24 on
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Squeekerz- Just think we have 3 more weeks come Friday! I know it is hard to read some of the stuff he has written, but some of it is just him trying to express how he feels when he is upset because he might not have that outlet there. My fiance is doing well with the stuff he needs to do and making some friends BUT my letters still have stuff thrown in about he doesn't know if it is right for him. He has said it isn't what he expected, and he talks about he doesn't want to miss things and wants us just to able to be together like a "normal" family. Before he left he was super excited and was so certain he made the right choice. I just send him encouraging things and tell him I am proud. The thing is he tells me the hard stuff and the lonely thoughts because I know he doesn't have anyone else to talk to about it and I will understand. Which could be some of what you are getting too. So just hold strong it will get better...this is the worst part. Just keep your head up because they will make it through I think it is pretty normal to talk about how it is hard and they miss you. Plus I think it has A LOT to do with the day the write you too. Just like when I got a call last Tuesday he told me that was the worst timing because he got beat twice that day and he was just super tired and mentally drained. I wouldn't say anything negative just because that could be another thing he would worry about and just make it harder...wait and see after boot camp they are over half way. I know it is hard now but for my case I just feel like when boot camp is over my fiance will still enjoy the Navy just right now it sucks because it is supposed too.
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Thanks everyone.
I forgot to mention that he said he was going to go to the counselor there and everything to talk to them before really expressing his desire to leave... LIke, this isn't just a... "I don't like this" feeling. He said it is getting worse and worse every day, and that he feels like he is slowly losing it...
I'll just encourage him for now though.
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He will make the right choice whether he stays or leaves. Just keep sending him encouraging letters that is the best way to help for now.
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I think all of the sailors are scared at first because they thought it would be easier than what it is but they get used to it after a week or two.. My husband was the same way, but he was very happy he stayed in the end because it paid off.
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Permalink Reply by Jess_0411 on
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Send him words of encouragement. When my husband is deployed, I never tell him about all of the little things that go wrong. The last thing he needs is to be worrying about me. When he's deployed, he needs to be focused on his job, and doing whatever it takes to come home. Is it okay to tell him that you miss him? Sure. But do you need to tell him how life is so difficult without him and you want him to come home? No. Save that conversation for when he's done with boot camp and the stress level isn't so high. Because the stress level during boot camp, A-school, and deployment is intense. So keep your chin up and stay strong for your man. You're tougher then you think (:
Now as for the mental stuff and wanting to leave. EVERYONE hates boot camp. My husband thinks that boot camp has been the hardest part so far. You have people in your face all day screaming at you to run faster, to not eat that, eat this, you're girl is a whore and sleeping with your best friend (yes, they really tell the guys that), you're never going to make it...and blah blah blah. But guess what? It makes them stronger. They leave boot camp a better man then when they got there. And its totally worth it. Plus, when they get to their command, it is so much more chill. The only time its ever intense is when they deploy and when they run drills.
So stay strong, and tell him to hang in there. Its all worth it in the end. -
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