Unequal trying?

[char2008]

Well he sent me the love letters in bootcamp. He made it real. Now he's in A school and things are more different than I had imagined. I know he has the skype capabilities. I know he has his phone. The issue is that he chooses not to use these things. I've sent him 2 care packages now, today a pie in the mail with other things. Last weekend was my birthday, I got a 5 minute phonecall on sunday. I'm trying to be understanding. I know he is busy. But when I see his navy female coworkers posting on his page, knowing inside jokes with him, more than I do, I really can't help but be a bit jealous. And one of them friended his mom on facebook. I'm not even friends with his mom. What. The. Hell.  This girl also had his phone because he left it at the smoke table yesterday. I know he's busy but I feel like he could/should be doing more. I get phone calls like once a week. maybe. same for skype. And I really want to visit him in VA but $400 plane tickets are a lot for a college student. He should want me at his graduation, right? and should he pay for the tickets? I'm getting mixed answers from friends. 

All I know is I want this. All of it. Im in. Anyone out there with experience with sailors at A school in VA?

Please help.

<3

[abuon18]

He's still getting used to having his freedom back. He's making new friends & he wants to build those friendships.

Have you talked to him about how you feel? I know it's a simple question, but I went through a VERY similar situation when my now husband (fiancé at the time) was in A school. Once I told him I needed more communication from him he called me more. They ARE busy but don't EVER let him say he's too busy for you because it's just not true.

Also as far as the plane ticket.... It is expensive. When I would go visit my husband in A school we did half & half. I don't think he should have to pay for the full ticket and I don't think you should either. It was the best solution for us!

[Harmonyworks]

His Navy friends have a very special bond- not saying that you don't. Just try not to worry too much. Tell him to go to Navy MArine Corps Relief Society and ask for a quick assit loan to go towards your plane ticket- it will be worth it in the long run.

[Harmonyworks]

PS! A School graduation is NO big deal, it's literally going to take about 20 minutes... It's nothing at all like his PIR. Also, if he's in A school in Great Lakes, MOST of the ships do not have wifi- he would have to go to the USO or the NEX.

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

My hubby is in A School in Great Lakes.  They are super busy.  But I am one of his priorities and I get 3-4 phone calls a day, plus a morning text message.  My hubby is in the running for top grad, and is volunteering for extra duty stuff, too.  He normally calls when he gets out of class around 1600-1700 and sometime after chow and then again before he goes to bed when I have the kids in bed.  We are also a bit older than most new Sailors/partners, he is 27 and has been done sowing his oats for years, I'm sure that helps. 

Basically, yes, it looks like unequal trying.  I would have a frank talk with him, but keep it about how you feel, not what he's doing/not doing.  Instead of "you never call me" say, "I feel like I don't get to talk to you much" or "I feel left out of your life" type things.  My hubby says there is a lot of inter-sailor mingling even though the males and females are supposed to be segregated (as much as possible in a coed ship, for instance, there are male days and female days for the laundry room and rec room areas.  The opposite gender is not allowed in there on those days.  But there is a club on base, across the street from the barracks where they can "mingle" and drink).  Again though, this is at Great Lakes, not VA.  Let him know what you are looking for in a long distance relationship and in your own mind, know what you'll not tolerate.  Ultimately, you have to do the best thing for you.   As for graduation, I'm sure that once you have a talk with him, it will work itself out.  Hopefully, he will see the light and put forth the effort. 

Sorry to sound harsh, I know it comes off like that.  Relationships take work, especially long distance ones, everyone has to do their part, even when they're busy. 

[Le Shelby]

Char, like i said in another post, my sailor is in VA. Dont take anything too personal, their signal is HORRIBLE there. When my sailor tries to call, he cuts out every 10 seconds and the call gets dropped easily. Does he have internet in his room or is he using someone elses? That could also be why skype is few and rare.

Hes probably just trying to adjust, take all of the above into consideration though. Im leaving tomorrow to go visit him, and i feel you on plane tickets :/ i used a smaller airport about 2 hours away and i found my ticket for 200$ cheaper!

[Dreamer1118 SHIP 13 DIV 314!!!]

Don't feel bad about the female on his moms page... have you
tried to add her? If not then maybe you should? Jealousy sadlu
Is something that can break up a relationship. Maybe you should
Tell your sailor how you feel?( yes i know its been suggested and i
Agree with it! Nickswifey is right on how to approach it too) my
4 year old came over asked me what i was doing so i told him about
Your post and i hear " its okay, can we go over and give her hugs so
she wont feel lonely." Just so you know theres a guy who cares at 4
So i'm sure your sailor will too!

[Anti M]

Definitely become friends with the female sailor.  Some really are just friends with the guys.  Add his mom too, you can put her on a family list and then when you don't want he to see a post or photo, you just exclude here from that post.  I do it with my family and I'm a grown woman. (My family is ultra-conservative and I am not.)

[abuon18]

I was definitely jealous of the females my husband was becoming friends with in A school! Same as you, I was feelin left out & that he was going to have more in common with them than me & that their bond would be stronger than ours. It's completely natural to feel that way-as long as you don't let it get in the way of your relationship. I got to know the girls, like Anti M suggested, and once I saw them interact it was clear to me that they had the same friendship he had with his male friends.