what is the life like being a navy wife?

[CassieRaye]

Hey girlies, My husband is begging me to let him join the navy and Im not to sure how I feel about it or even know about it.  Im wondering how there wives feel about it. Is it worth it? whats the life style like? Did you make new friends? I want to know the good and the bad..

[newnavywife2014]

I am a military wife my husband is actually currently on deployment. You need to be a strong woman to be a miltary wife honestly the navy is so.awesome! Great career opportunities. My husband is a nuke so he did two years of schooling now he in on a carrier we get to talk phone calls mostly we pay the extra money. At first when we moved to our station I didn't have many friends but you then meet many people who are so kind and understand what you are going through you seem to be like family! I love the life except for deployments but if you are strong you will make it through write down a list of.pros and cons if you have any other questions feel free to private message me

[Anti M]

I was born and raised by a Navy family, I joined the Navy, and married Navy, now we are retired Navy.  I have seen all sides, and perhaps it was easier for me because I never had a hometown.  

You will be apart for boot camp, probably for A school, and then for deployments.  A lot will depend in his job choice.  He should NEVER choose because he heard that  certain rating "never goes to sea". Yeah, they get sent to isolated duty stations without their spouse.   He wants something he qualifies for, something he is interested in, and something not so overmanned he cannot advance.  The point is, if he is happy in his work, he will be happier at home.  (Is he happy with what he is doing now?)

Good:  Financial stuff such as a steady check, housing allowances, decent medical care, base privileges and services, stuff such as Family Services, even Space A travel.  Free gym on base, sports programs.  It truly is secure.  Pride, perhaps.  Travel and interesting places to visit, opportunities for leisure travel.  A chance to become very independent, learn skills you never know you had, handle and manage things when the pressure is all on you, and be a super-spouse.  Education, especially for him.  The navy spouse community can be close knit and terrific support.  There are Family Readiness Groups and ombudsmen to keep you involved and in the loop during deployments.  Personally, I never did much with wives because I had been a sailor first.  I tended to socialize with his co-workers more than anyone once I was a civilian again. More in common, as I did not have babies.

Bad: Being apart.  Moving far away from family.  Limited communications.  Having to uproot your employment.  Hating the new area. Having to handle household and other issues on your own.  Annoying Navy wives. Adjusting to each other every time he returns.  Dealing with moves, his uniforms, cancelled plans.  Duty days when they are most inconvenient.

I loved living all over the place.  I loved meeting new people, learning new cultures.  I loved the travel.  I did dislike the bad parts, but for me, it was a "get through this" period, and then the reunion and times together were so great, I didn't mind I'd had to "work for it".  I NEVER take him and our marriage for granted.   I am extremely flexible about the dates of events and holidays.  We still celebrate being together, and honeymoon once a year or more (married 27 years). Oh, and his current job means he is not home for days or weeks at a time, we sure had plenty of practice at that!

Being retired Navy has perks too, but that is a different discussion.

I'm not super-patriotic or anything, I'm a liberal old hippie!  You'll find the entire spectrum in the military. So don't think they are all conservative or religious, many are, but many are not.  

Anything specific you would like to know?  Ask away.

[EmilyNicole98]

It has definitely been a very mixed bag for us. We got married last year at 20 and 23 and we live a much more stable and independent lifestyle than all of our friends back home. The majority of them are still living with their parents or at least pretty dependent on them. Whereas we live over 2,000 miles away and take care of ourselves completely. So I'm incredibly grateful for that aspect! It's comforting to know that my husband has a secure steady job with decent benefits. 

Being apart is definitely hard but it has it's perks. My husband just got back from an underway and it was the first time in a year that we had spent more than three days apart. Having time to miss each other led to more appreciation and love and we're on cloud nine right now. It's like that after every separation. That's something that's harder to get in the civilian world but happens all the time with the military lifestyle. Deployments are very rough though - do you think you can honestly go nine months without him? It's a lot to take on. 

We only have two years left of this life, my husband has decided to only do the initial four years instead of making it a career. There's no way to sugarcoat this so I"m just going to be blunt: he hates it. Hates it. Absolutely cannot stand the job at all. He's miserable every single day. It was a huge letdown for him, coming from a military family and expecting to do 8-12 years minimum. He was very excited about joining when we met, but that changed dramatically in less than six months. A lot of it is the people he works with, he just can't stand them. I also have major problems with the people. Military wives have a horrid tendency to be overly competitive and are prone to being dramatic and nosey. There are a lot of amazing wives out there, but the overall atmosphere is not a good one. They are not tolerant and not supportive and don't like opinions other than their own. I hang out with two wives and that's it. I talk to dozens of others on Facebook, but I don't see them in person.

Despite everything, I think we'll always be glad that he joined. It got us out of our small hometowns and let us experience more of the world. We got stationed in the most beautiful place I've ever seen and we've actually decided to stay here indefinitely. It gave us a fresh start and a strong beginning for our marriage. But if you and your husband are already well-established and he's happy at his current job...it might not be so necessary. 

One thing that I have to point out is that becoming a military wife does not mean being sentenced to becoming a stay at home mom or wife who doesn't have an identity outside the military. It's what happens to the majority but it's not necessary. There are plenty of wives that go to school and have careers of their own, despite the frequent moves. My lifestyle isn't really all that different because I refuse to let it change too much. We live off base so almost all of our neighbors are civilians and we only go on base when it's necessary. We have military and civilian friends. I've stuck with school - I transferred, I was halfway through college when we move - and I'll be getting a job when I graduate next year, just like I would have back home. It's what you make of it. 

[Anti M]

I am so sorry he hates his job!  That makes it such a struggle.

I had very good commands where I loved the people, and the work, but when I returned to the same command two years later, I hated all the new people.  That was one of several reasons I only served nine years.  That, and spouse co-location, being dual military has unique challenges.  My husband is easy-going, likes people and likes being busy, so although he was annoyed by some people he worked with or for, he was able to do the 20.  It has been a life saver.  

My nephew is on a sub, newly married.  The smaller crew is very tight, they work hard, including the officers.  His wife loves the FGR, seems like she found a good group of wives. He is considered not re-enlisting a second time, as he is a nuke and his employment opportunities are wide open.  Could go either way.  My other sailor is in Japan with his wife, he seems to have really enjoyed it so far.  Not sure if he's doing the full 20, but he's halfway, so we'll see.  HIs wife is ex-Navy too.

It really does come down to the people.  One jerk can ruin so much.

LOL, I was raised in Navy housing, before it was privatized, so as an adult I always chose offbase.  Even in Japan, which really means a lot.

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

Haven't completely read all the other responses, but thought I'd add my two cents and experience. 

First off, my experience.

My husband and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 19. He had just graduated high school, I had just finished my freshman year. He was going off to college and we did a long distance relationship for a year. Well then he came home for the summer and one day, out of the blue, announced he was going to talk to a recruiter. I don't come from a military family per say, but both of my Grandpa's served, a few Uncles, many, many cousins, and my brother. My immediate response was "This isn't for you." And I whole-heartedly believed that. I knew he wouldn't be the kind of person that would thrive in the military. In the meantime, I begged him to talk to my brother about life in the Navy and how things really worked, not just the recruiter's side of the story. He agreed, but the recruiter swept him away to MEPs and had him sign a contract before he got a chance to talk to him and by that point his mind was pretty much made up. I wasn't a fan of it, and I told him so. He asked my opinion so I told him the truth, I didn't like the idea of being a military girlfriend (and potentially someday wife) and that I wasn't sure what would happen to us if he were to join, but that it wash is decision and while I may not support it, it was his life to do with as he pleased. 8 months or so later he left for boot camp and I promised to stand by his side and do my best to make things work. And they did. It was work, but we survived a few years more of a long distance relationship and then we eventually tied the knot and now we're living our happily ever after with a few deployments here and there. 

Is it worth it? Depends on where you are in your life. It's a steady paycheck, a roof over your head, free medical insurance, 14 paid vacation days a year, and you get to travel the world on the Navy's dime. However, it's also long hours at work, long deployments with sometimes infrequent communication, and a lot of doing whatever you're told no matter how stupid it may seem. 

The lifestyle? If the Navy is your family's only income and you have children, it can sometimes be tough to make ends meet. Impossible? No. Are you going to have everything you want when you want it and not be in any debt? No. Are you going to have a home, food, and health care? Yes. 

Did I make new friends? Yes. I actually am not sure I have any people (other than family) that I would consider a friend anymore that's not related to the Navy or military. It's a unique experience that people who aren't going through don't always understand. You'll bond quickly with others who are going through the same deployment or the same separation or just know what that experience is like. However, you do need to be careful about choosing friends. Not everyone is as nice as the characters on the Lifetime show Army Wives. Are there bonds like that that exist? Yes. Are they always easy to find? No. I've been at this station for about 2 years now, and I am just finally feeling like I have friends that are true friends and that I can count on when I need them. You have to be willing to give back though. You can't expect the wives to drop everything and help you when you need it if you don't do the same for them. My husband doesn't quite seem to understand why I'm bending over backwards for other people, but it's because I know that someday that may be me needing the help while my husband is away. 

Honestly, a lot of it is about perspective. My husband and I come from middle class families and never really struggled much before he joined the Navy. So it's easy to say for us that the Navy may not have been worth my husband's hate for his job and the several years of his life that he'll never get back. On the other hand, he looks back now and knows that without the Navy he wouldn't be living in a 3 bedroom home, own two cars (one of them paid off), be married to me, and have everything we do. That gives him this giant sense of accomplishment knowing that he would most likely be living with his parents or scraping together rent had he finished his college degree and would still be 100k in debt. 

Meanwhile. I used to work at the pool on base and we had a new wife come in as a new employee. I asked her "Is your husband regretting his decision to join the Navy yet?" She was honestly shocked by my response. She had gotten pregnant with their first child at 17, delivered him when she was 18. They struggled for years living on their own, trying to pay off the hospital bill from the birth, no health care, working multiple jobs and still struggling to get a degree to be able to move up in the world. Now they live in base housing, don't have to worry about another medical bill for any of them, she gets to attend college with affordable child care through the military, and he only has to work one job and has a guaranteed paycheck. They love the Navy so much and how much stability it's provided them that they just got pregnant with their second!

Hopefully that all gives you an idea of the good and the bad. It really is what you make of it! If you decide to make it a positive experience, it will be. And if you decide you hate it from day one and waste all your energy hating it, it'll be an awful one. 

[Anti M]

One detail: they earn 30 paid vacation days each year, at 2.5 per month.  They simply don't always get to take it all at once.  

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

And obviously my math skills were off last night. For some reason 2 days a month and 12 months came out at 14 days. Lol. That's what I get for responding just because I was avoiding clean the kitchen. :) 

[Anti M]

You can come clean my kitchen....  I just know it by heart because I've had that lifetime of practice.