What's next?

[howarda14]

So my boyfriend has been in the Navy for almost 5 months now. He left for basic June 23rd, graduated on August 17th (aka the best day of my life to date) then he went to a school in San Antonio. Unfortunately his grades weren't good enough to stay so they're relocating him (he's moving to Pensecola Florida tomorrow) which he's really excited about and he's anxious to get started! But since he's going to be an Airman Machinist Mate his a school is really short, a lot shorter than I expected and now I don't really know what to do because I know in just a few weeks his training will be done and he'll be stationed somewhere and I haven't even begun to mentally prepare myself for all of the things that could happen. I guess I'm just scared because I don't really know what's coming next but at the same time I'm also pretty happy for him because he's come along way in his life and I'm proud to see him succeed. What should I expect out of the next year or so? How do I stay sane? Will it be different than a school? I hate not knowing what's going on all of the time :(

[sailorwifenmom]

Being out in the fleet is about as different from A school as A school is from boot camp :-) Yes, there will be times he's deployed, and that can be hard, and they can't call as much, but they have email, and you can send and get care packages. When they aren't deployed, if he is stateside, when you go visit him you don't have to worry about liberty buddies or curfews. You can check into a hotel for a week, and except for duty days, he could even stay there with you if you wanted, as long as he was back at work on time. He will be able to have a more "normal" life. :-)

[Anti M]

Well, life in the fleet will be different from A school.  More freedoms, but more responsibility.  

He could go to a squadron, they deploy with carriers or to overseas bases.  He could go to a carrier itself, and you know they go to sea.  He might get shore duty at an air base, but that is unlikely as they do their sea duty first.  And sea duty means being attached to a deployable unit, not simply going to sea on a ship.

Scroll to the bottom of this link to sea their sea/shore rotation:

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/enlistedjob1/a/ad.htm

[howarda14]

So when you say he'll be attached to a deployable unit does that mean that he won't be at sea the whole time and he'll just have to go when his unit gets deployed? He won't be gone an entire 42 months will he?

[sailorwifenmom]

No, it's not a hone the whole time deal. Let's say he's on a ship. They have times where they are in port, come home every night except duty (where they have to stay on the ship and stand watch, usually they have something like 4, 6, or 8 section duty, so every 4th, 6th, or 8 th day he would stay. Those are the more common duty section number.

So, let's say that he's on a ship we'll call USS Haze Grey, and they just got back from deployment, they've been gone 8 months. Now they're back in homeport. They're going to have some time where they are tied up at the pier or in a yard period, where they go over the ship and fix anything that might have broken or worn out while they were gone (sort of like tuning up your car...). Sometimes these are shorter, more superficial repairs, sometimes the ship is due for more extensive maintenance and will even be in drydock. These repair times can last a few weeks, months or even a year or more. Then, once the repairs are done, they will have sea trials, where they go out for a few days or a week or so here and there, but are still home pretty regular. This will last months and months as well, where they test out the repairs, do drills to maintain readiness, that sort of thing. Then, they have months of workups, where they are now going out, pretty much like for the sea quals and sea trials, preparing for a deployment. Workups, where they're home for a few weeks, gone for a few weeks, can last months as well. Then - well over a year after they have come home from deployment (sometimes closer to 18 months or more), they will deploy again.

Now, there are exceptions to this where they go a lot closer, but that usually involves things like changing homeport for a ship (which doesn't happen often), or like if there's been some major disastor and they are going to provide emergency assistance, like flying in supplies to Northern Japan after the disaster there.

The last ship my husband was on, duty station before last, we were there 3 years. He had 2 deployments (one when we first got therethe other he was home a few months before we moved again) 2 yard periods (one was a drydock) and a bunch of workups and sea trials.

[howarda14]

So what will this mean for our long distance relationship? We talked about moving in together for awhile but I just started college and I'm loving my school so I told him I wanted to stay there instead of moving in near him.

[sailorwifenmom]

Well, it means that there will be many months where it's kind of like it is now, you will be able to email and call each other. You can skype with each other. You can go visit him if you're able to (and sometimes he can put in for leave and go visit you). He will live in whatever city his ship is home ported out of, and you will live wherever you choose to live / your college is.

When he is not in port, whether it's because he's deployed or because he's doing workups or sea trials or whatever, he won't be able to call as often, and you won't be able to call him at all, but you can still email each other.

As far as how this will affect your long distance relationship...

As far as you giving up school to move where he is... at the risk of sounding old and motherly (though I do have kids your age, so I guess that does make me old and motherly lol) - honestly, I wouldn't do it, or want my daughter to do it. If the two of you are not ready to make a permanent commitment to each other - one that gives you a safety net in the military community to fall back on - and get married, then you should not be expecting either of you to give up your dreams or making that kind if sacrifice (giving up going to the school you love and is your passion, so you can be there while he gets to chase his dream and passion). IF you are thinking about marriage (and it's because you are ready for that step - NOT because you think the Navy is making you) - then you need to decide which is more important, full time at the school you're at, with full time long distance relationship (deployed or not), or a new school you may or may not like, with a part time "local" relationship and a part time long distance one.

YOU are the only one that can answer those questions, or really know what sort of impact any of those choices will have on the two of you. There isn't a right or wrong answer to it, only what is right or wrong for you. Spearations and mutually supporting each other, and sometimes giving things up for the other is all part of a strong military relationship, but only you two can know when it's tine to do which one and how exactly to do it.

Good luck - sounds like you have some hard choices to make.

[mollybub]

My fiance is supposed to be headed for Pensacola after basic training. He is going to be an Aircraft Mechanic, so our guys paths might cross there. Maybe we can support each other, during this time.

[howarda14]

That might work out. I'm kind of having a hard time right now after finding out last night that he wouldn't be home for thanksgiving :'( I try to be rational and not be super angry or act like the world is ending but I really feel like that at times