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Comment by NavyGF on June 3, 2017 at 5:07pm

Thank you, Michael!

Hi Abuon18. He thinks that his chance of being stationed overseas could decrease if he's married, so he's holding it off as he really want to go overseas. I don't know where he got that, probably through his shipmates. He's not an E-4 yet and I'm cool not being able to go with him overseas yet. But what I have in mind is that if he finally get his order and he'll be stationed in San Diego for 3 years as he initially said, maybe we could get fiance visa then get married after a-school so I can live with him in San Diego. Wouldn't marrying a US citizen gives me the privilege of living in US also? Though I understand that airfare is on me and that the housing allowance for married sailor is not yet applicable as he got his order while still single.

But I agree that respecting his decision is best. I just feel so frustrated and the weather here is horrible and everyone's getting depressed, I really need to get out of this country. Thanks for the comment :)

Comment by abuon18 on June 3, 2017 at 4:42pm

SSS28, what is your boyfriend's rate? Michael is correct, they typically do not station overseas for their first duty station & they do not send families overseas for below e-4 (typically). But I'm confused why he thinks he will be getting stationed overseas in 2 years, and why he thinks he has a better chance of getting stationed overseas if he's unmarried. He doesn't. My husband just received orders to go to Japan and I am going as well..in fact since we were already married before he got those orders I am being command sponsored by the Navy to be allowed to live therw while my husband is stationed there, they are paying to move our household goods, providing us with housing, and I will have healthcare over there at the military healthcare facilities. If we weren't married when he received these orders, chances are slim that they would change them to allow me to go, and without command sponsorship you cannot just go live in another country (as his spouse). Additionally he would not be allowed to live off base with you and you would not be allowed to live on base, and he would not be given a housing allowance so you could live off base in another country. If he wants overseas orders and you want to go with him, get married before.

Comment by abuon18 on June 3, 2017 at 4:30pm

SSS28 I know nothing of the legal requirements necessary for you to marry your fiance if you are not an American citizen, so my comments are not regarding that, my comments are strictly regarding getting married sooner or later. Michael posted a link for you which covers the legal requirements, but I believe the Navy has additional requirements as well.

As far as "sooner or later" you said your fiance is in A school in SD but he will be there until 2020. Is that because his A school is until 2020? Or is that because he has been told he has a C school there as well, or because he believes his permanent orders will be there?

If his A school is really until 2020, then it doesn't really matter when you two get married. Yes, you would still receive the benefits, i.e. healthcare, housing allowance, base privileges, but the Navy would not pay to move you to where he is stationed for A school because you were not married before he received those orders.

If he has A school then C school, he will receive brand new orders for C school, and if you get married before his C school orders are written, depending on how long his C school is, the Navy would cover the cost of moving you (at least, I know they would for a spouse who lives in the US. I don't know if they would for a spouse who lives overseas).

If he thinks he is getting stationed in San Diego after his A school as his first permanent duty station, two things. First of all, don't count on that because until he actually gets the written orders, anything can change. Secondly, as with C school orders, if you're married before he receives the written orders for his first duty station, they would pay to move you (again, at least for a spouse who lives in the US - not sure for an overseas spouse).

So those are the really basic reasons why it could be important to get married sooner than later.

The other thing I'm going to say is, maybe there is another reason he wants to wait 2 years - maybe he just isn't ready right now. Even though he knows he wants to marry you, maybe he's just not ready for that step yet and in that case, I would encourage you to respect that. Either way, it's something only the two of you can decide when is the right time for you, and neither of you should feel like you're being pressured into a situation that isn't right for you (waiting or not waiting, whatever the case may be).

Comment by Michael on June 3, 2017 at 4:00pm

SSS28. Ok but he must realize that even if he marries you over seas they will send him state side and he may not know that. AntiM I think will also say the same thing. Married couples are not allowed to be overseas unless they are a E4 or higher and that can't take anywhere from 2-4 years in the navy depending on how your progress in the Navy. Being your boyfriend is 21 he has no degree so he will start out as a E1 or E2 unless he has some special circumstances. Also it's no gurentee that he will be stationed over seas just being single. The chance is higher yes but no gurentee. Just remember to keep everything you have as in communication telephone calls letters because when you go for a green card they will ask for proof for at least 2 years. Me and my husband did that even after being married had to show photos with time and date stamped of the wedding with the witnesses and they kept every photo and letter so make photo copies and originals of everything. They will keep the copies but will want to see originals. We got married under obama things are becoming more restricted under Trump so keep going to the web site I gave you it's the government website that give accurate true information as they are the ones that keep it up to date. It's not a second party it's part of the us government. Also if you are looking to become a citizen start studying the test which there are sample test online to study from. They only ask 10 questions if you get more then 2 wrong you fail it may be 3 wrong it's been 3 years since my husband took the test. Can't remember if it's 80% or 70% pass but study to get 100%. Good luck.

Comment by NavyGF on June 3, 2017 at 3:29pm

Hi Michael. Good thing I flew in the US last March for a short visit before he went in the bootcamp. So, we need to apply for fiance visa first if we intend to get married, is that right? Also, which makes more sense though, getting married after 2 years or as soon as possible? 

I asked him why after two years, he said he wanted to be stationed overseas! Haha. 

Comment by CrissySue on June 3, 2017 at 3:16pm

DeeBo, did he say he was being separated? Ship 4 is where RCU is... not ship 5, so that makes me think he's not being rehabilitated. My husband was in RCU (Ship 4) for 6 weeks. He rehabbed his torn PCL enough to complete BST and graduate. In ship 4 they were allowed phone calls only on Sundays, IF everyone (including female unit) behaved themselves. They were allowed to read/write, again, only if behaving. There were several times that all privileges were secured, meaning no writing/reading/NEX/ or phone calls. When my hubby got out, they had just gotten a new chief and she was bound and determined to make examples of many of them for misbehavior...

If you find out hes in RCU, feel free to message me and I can tell you all about it. Best of luck!

Comment by Michael on June 3, 2017 at 3:00pm

SSS28 getting married is not as easy as possiable. First he and you must apply for a fiancé visa before you come here. If you don't follow the rules you can be jailed and never allowed back here again also he can get in trouble being in the military. I married a Canadian so I am very well versed in this and my mother -in-law married a American too. She did not follow the rules and got kicked out of america for 6 years and was just allowed back in the USA 3 years ago. I am attaching a link to the rules and guidelines you must follow. You must show proof. Like photos with time and date letters with post marks on them. Plane tickets showing that you have met each other and so on. https://www.uscis.gov/family/family-us-citizens/fiancee-visa/fiance...

Comment by Allison on June 3, 2017 at 1:59pm

DeeBo I was on ship 5 for awhile for a medical separation. It totally depends on his unit, but if he's being sent straight home, it takes about a month to get out if he doesn't try to fight his case, and will be able to make calls UP TO 2-3 times a week IF they are behaving. That being said, there's hundreds of males on ship 5, in December, one of the slowest times of the year for RTC, there was over 300 male separations, so they may be on a rotation for phone calls, plus active recruits always get priority, so if they're going to the phone bank and a division shows up for any reason, the SEP recruits have to clear out.

If he's in RCU it is a different ballgame. A lot of times they are not allowed to do anything besides read and write while they recover. If they make a full recovery, sometimes within a certain time frame, they'll be sent back to training. Like AntiM said, if it's more than RTC can handle, they'll recover in RCU until they are fit for transport and then move to a SEP unit they can be discharged and sent home.

The navy will continue to pay him, feed him, and cover all medical care while on ship 5. However, he will be treated like a recruit and expected to behave like one until he's sent home. They navy will pay for the cheapest form of transport home, which may be bus, train, or plane.

Comment by NavyGF on June 3, 2017 at 12:02pm

Just another marriage question: My boyfriend just started A school and he will be stationed in San Diego until 2020. Is "the sooner the better" really beneficial or not really? 

He told me we'll get married after two years. Also, I live in UK so I'm thinking there's no point of waiting for 2 more years if marriage is our end game? I mean, I can live there if we get married, living here in England sucks and is depressing and I'm living alone. I actually don't know his reason, but could be because he wants to save up or that we're still young  (he's just 21 and i'm 23) but does that really matter? I just really want to be with him as we've been in LDR for 2 years now . Besides, i'm cool with the simplest form of wedding so there's that. 

Any thoughts? I'll discuss this with him after getting answers from you guys. Is two years worth waiting or getting married after a school is better? Or would it be possible for us to get married after 6 months of active duty in San Diego? If so, is that better?

I hope this makes sense! Thanks in advance everyone!

Comment by DeeBo on June 3, 2017 at 11:20am

@AntiM he couldn't say much. Only that it was looking like he would be there for 3-5 weeks. Are they able to call more while there or is it about the same?

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