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Comment by kim on February 16, 2015 at 11:00pm

I am NOT a girlfriend wife or fiance but I am the mom of a new sailor who has only been in the Navy for about 5 months. my son got engaged over Christmas. He and his fiance are having a hard time picking a wedding date because they are not sure of when he will be available. He is getting ready to deploy and will be back around July or August. Can anyone give us any ideas on how to set a wedding date a year in advance when 1 Party is in the Navy? Thanks for any help

Comment by Emily-aaronsgirl11 on February 16, 2015 at 3:33pm

If he didn't volunteer to be on a submarine, he won't be put on a submarine. Submarine service is strictly on a volunteer basis. 

To answer your question of how you'll survive deployment, you'll survive just like all the rest of us do: one day at a time. You take it all one day at a time and those days slowly add up to those 8 months that seem impossible to survive. You'll make friends from the ship that understand exactly what you're going through, you'll visit family when possible, you'll plan fun activities for you and the kids, and you'll survive. I promise you will. It always seems impossible at the time (trust me, I'm staring down endless underways and another deployment right this minute), but at the end of it, you'll look back and wonder how time went so fast and you'll be hoping time slows down while he's home. It's never easy, but it does get easier to deal with eventually. You learn how to cope and how to lean on your military wife friends when you need a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand. 

Hang in there. Take it all one day at a time and you'll be just fine. And remember, don't wish your life away waiting for him to be back (easier said than done, I know). Make some goals, make some plans, and follow through with them all! He'll be proud of you for it, I promise. :)

Comment by Navywife_Nuke on February 16, 2015 at 12:42pm

He shouldn't be on a suB. He didn't want a sub, he told them that when they asked him what he wanted to be on. So hopefully he gets a carrier.

Comment by Anti M on February 16, 2015 at 11:28am

LOL, sorry about the mix up, I get rolling.  My laptop is "jumpy" when I post, so sometimes I don't go back and fix things.

Comment by Sailorswife2716 on February 16, 2015 at 10:51am

Thank you Anti m.! I know your response was meant for navywife_nuke, but your totally right, things should get better once the living situation changes. I kind of don't like when people say "oh well enjoy having people around you because when you move you'll super lonely" sure that may be true, however there's nothing like raising your kids under your own roof, there's nothing like tidying up after your own mess, and if you want to leave your kids toys on the floor because the second you put it away it'll miraculously appear on the floor again lol.

And it's so unfortunate when some recruiters sugar coat things. Thankfully my husbands recruiter(s) were extremely great, the whole office actually had to be. My husband had done research our entire time we have been together, that's 10 years worth of research on many possible rates, and things like that, so there's no way they could dodge his questions or sugar coat anything lol. So it's so sad to see young people expect something totally different after what their recruiter told them.

Comment by Anti M on February 16, 2015 at 10:38am

I hate how recruiters don't truly lie, how they only paint the ideal picture, and no one gives an accurate picture of how the Navy works.  I know it is hard with OPSEC, and there are so many unique situations, but dang, oversimplifying hurts the sailors and families because they cannot develop realistic expectations and plans.

Sorry, that's my rant.  

Comment by Anti M on February 16, 2015 at 10:31am

Ugh, living in someone else's home is darn difficult.  It will get better when you have your own place to nest in.

Subs are out a lot, and communication depends on the type of sub.  Boomers have two crews and they trade off.  They stay deep and do not visit ports much.  My nephew is on a fast attack and seems like he is in and out often. They do get foreign port visits.   He is married and they are expecting, so he does come home sometime!  His wife has made some good friends in the FRG (family readiness group).  Subs tend to have tight knit communities.  Remember, subs are always an 100% volunteer choice.  I don't know when the cut off is, but if he is still in school, he still has the sub/surface option.

 As for surface vessels, yes they do have long deployments, 6 months plus extensions.  But ALL ships have shorter underways too, exercises and sea trials, and sometimes simply getting out of port before a big storm.  A few weeks here, a few months there.  Some go into dry dock for a couple years.  It simply is too complicated for one answer.  

Comment by Sailorswife2716 on February 15, 2015 at 10:48pm

Navywife_nuke- will he be on a sub? Because From what I've heard of they're on a sub they just have less communication compared to a ship, I guess it just varies. I'm sure your living situation is just making it worse for you. It should be way better once you have your own home with your husband again. Once my husband dep'd in we moved in with my parents and we will be PCSing this summer, it's been over a year here at my parents and I'm so ready to have my own home again so I understand what your going through to an extent. My parents and j get along best when we aren't under the same roof lol. It's definitely hard being a housewife and stay at home mom in a home that's not your own.

Comment by Navywife_Nuke on February 15, 2015 at 10:16pm

Sailorswife2716 when we talked to his recruiter, they said nukes were usually 6 months at sea and 18 months on land. I don't know though. I think a lot of it is just the fact that I am living with my mom and her boyfriend and her boyfriend is not a good person. It makes me miss my husband a lot I am pretty sure I will do better when I am in my own place with my kids.

Comment by Sailorswife2716 on February 15, 2015 at 7:50pm

I'm sorry your feeling that way navywife_nuke. It could be because your pregnant, but if your husband is nuke then I suggest trying to figure out ways to help you cope now as I know nukes are away a lot. Is this your husbands dream job? And were you feeling this way prior to enlistment? I hope it gets better for you, I honestly do.

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