Comment

Comment by Michael on May 19, 2016 at 8:49pm

I beg to differ and we can agree to disagree. A young pair of my friends just got married so he would not be sent to Japan before he got orders. Now it's no guarantee but it's a better chance then being single. I believe I was being sympathetic but truthful too. But it's ok you have your opinion and I have mine. People get information from many sources and they should because not everyone is right or knows everything, why I usually tell people to get ahold of Anti M a lot as she is very wise and if she does not know she will find someone that does to help you. I am done with the feed

Comment by Bronco14 on May 19, 2016 at 8:42pm

1. They could get married quickly and submit a request for command sponsorship, if he is an E-4.

2. She could look into going to Japan anyway, or we could inform her of how often she can travel to see him.

Regardless, being blunt and negative is uncalled for. I am all for being realistic and not beating around the bush, all while being sympathetic and compassionate. Exactly like Anti M does it. I know all to well how devastating it can be to ask a question on this site and get bad news in return. I'm not saying that we need to avoid being the bearers of bad news, but the way we speak to one another when letting someone down needs to be kind.

And on that note, you going around and telling someone "well if you were married sooner, he wouldn't have been sent overseas" does nothing but create more hurt feelings.

Comment by Michael on May 19, 2016 at 8:31pm

Bronco they are not married there are zero options. In order to have her go with him first they have to be married. Secondly like Anti M said u less he is a E4 or higher it's next to impossible. My best friend just went to Japan 3 weeks ago as a E 2 and his wife and kids are still back in the states because he is a E2. He will be gone 2 years. If he ranks up to E4 he can send for them. But why beat around the bush just tell the real truth as to what it is. Nothing I hate more is maybe or what if. Just give the truth and show examples. We are he to support people not to lie to them or go be them 1% hope that hurts more I feel. If they were married he had a better chance of not being sent to Japan that's a fact. They send single sailors first and higher ranks. Yes sometiems they still send married lower ranks but chances are he would have stayed in the states if he was married to her. That is a fact.

Comment by Bronco14 on May 19, 2016 at 8:08pm

Don't mean to butt in here but "zero options" isn't totally right, as I see an option that Anti M just laid out for her. Even when we get news that is difficult to handle, I think it is important we all stay positive and uplifting to one another!

Comment by Michael on May 19, 2016 at 7:58pm

Anti M is right you have zero options. If you go over there you will have to support yourself you cannot live on base and most likely will not be allowed on base. Even if you get married you still can't go. It's just the way it is. Sorry

Comment by Anti M on May 19, 2016 at 7:03pm

Yes, I can, but you are not going to like it, so I apologize in advance.

To take a dependent overseas, the sailor must be an E-4 or above.  Dependents must have command sponsorship to get the SOFA visa, and to be eligible for benefits and allowances overseas, plus be able to use base facilities such as medical. All dependents must pass overseas screening.  

If he is E-4, he can put in a waiver to his command to get command sponsorship for you (You have to be married).  Sometimes this is approved, other times not, all depends on the command budget.  If he is not an E-4, you are not going until he is.  He must have enough time on his tour there to be considered for accompanied, so he may need to extend his overseas tour.

I have a blog with more details:

http://navyformoms.com/profiles/blogs/what-is-command-sponsorship

Comment by Megs2447 on May 19, 2016 at 6:34pm

PLEASE HELP!! My fiancé just got his orders and they are sending him to Japan. Obviously I'm not on them. Can someone tell me our options?

Comment by Bronco14 on May 19, 2016 at 6:33pm

Could someone give me some information on Tricare coverage for Reserve sailors and their families? Specifically about coverage for the birth of a baby? I am not expecting a baby lol, just very curious about the difference in coverage between having a child while husband is active duty versus reserve.

Comment by Anti M on May 11, 2016 at 6:03pm

I've never found a good solution, and I've been married 29 years.  My nephew's wife goes through this with her MIL (my SIL).  You can try talking to her, but it may be best if your fiance lays down the law.  He needs to say "I want XYZ amount of time with my fiance, so plan for that".  Let him know in a letter that you need him to stick up for you.  

That's how I got my MIL to stop calling me by hubby's ex-wife's name for years, he had to tell her to stop, or we'd stay a hotels during visits.  She stopped.  

Have a good time at PIR, and best wishes for the future.  

Comment by Sailorsfish92 on May 11, 2016 at 2:57pm

Hello. I was wondering if anything could give me some advice for dealing with my mother in law. She is not very good at setting boundaries and giving me and my fiancé time alone.They seem to consider them as the main event and me as the side show. I feel very left out of planning during graduation plans and am being treated as something not important. Anyone dealt with similar situations and have advice? We have been dating for 5 years so this is not a new relationship.

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