Not even sure what to expect next…

[BusterTheDogIsMyFavKid]

My son graduated boot camp on 2/1 and is now in Connecticut for A school. His first test was yesterday. He had text me the day before saying it’s really hard and that since the material is confidential, they’re not allowed to take home any of their notes to study, but rather their notes are all locked up and kept right there. So when he text me yesterday he said he failed. He said he got the lowest grade in the class. They made him speak to a chief who thought he purposely failed because he doesn’t know how my son could’ve scored so high on his advanced test, and then fail so low on this. He proceeded to say that even a blind person would’ve scored higher if they had taken the test!!! Needless to say I am at this point in tears, heartbroken, knowing that my child is hurting and struggling and during this time, being talked down to as if he doesn’t deserve any kind of respect and/or support. He’s now being placed in a class for note taking I guess he said? This is all so new and unfamiliar to he and myself, so I was wondering if anyone has had their child’s original train derailed and if so, what happened next? What if he doesn’t ever pass the necessary courses required?

[Lara]

Shawndra - I am so sorry your Sailor is going through this. I would feel the same way - what to do. My Sailor is in Groton too and said the same thing about the tests. I do know that it seems like the Navy tries to offer options for remediation at every step so maybe the note taking class will help. I think they can also go back after class or later in the evening and look at their notes in the building where they kept. I know I didn’t understand how are they supposed to learn anything if they only have the little bit of time in class to review it. I think, too, they graduate so quickly and it’s all a bit of whirlwind and then here’s another test, and this time I’m totally new information from Boot Camp. I know that doesn’t help anybody in getting started in a new program. 

Hang in there. I tried to tell my sailor, that there’s so much he can control, and there’s so much that he can’t control at all, it would seem, in the Navy and in the military. And so I try to tell him, just do what they tell you to do, go where they tell you to go. If they tell you, this didn’t work, then listen and go to where they do tell you it will work. I feel like with Navy being so new to my sailor as well, it’s hard to know where anything will go ultimately. 

I have tried to tell him too, that it’s just like a job. All of the first year is really a lot of orientation and trying to figure out what going to be like. And maybe that’s even the case even more, with how they present all of this stuff at MEPS and then at boot camp too. 

I hope some other people respond, but I’ve been on this particular group for a handful of months now, and I haven’t seen any responses. I do go to the Beyond Boot Camp moms group and there is good activity there. Maybe only 1 other mom, that seems affiliated with Groton, though. But I bet lots of moms that are trying to help their sailors have helped their sailors through similar situations. 

maybe try that group too! 

sending hugs, and positive vibes to you and your Sailor! 

[Shimmers]

 I'm sorry to hear about this. My son is a veteran of the Sub Force (came home a couple of years ago now after joining after high school) The talking down to is not cool. My son struggled with this leadership characteristic throughout his time in as well. My email is in my profile. I like Lara's advice to her son "Hang in there. I tried to tell my sailor, that there’s so much he can control, and there’s so much that he can’t control at all, it would seem, in the Navy and in the military. And so I try to tell him, just do what they tell you to do, go where they tell you to go. If they tell you, this didn’t work, then listen and go to where they do tell you it will work." Sub Force is a bit rough around the edges to say the least. Many good thoughts and love to you and your son. 

[Lara]

Shawndra - I was just thinking of you and your Sailor and am hoping you are both well! 

[Lara]

Shawndra - just thinking about you and your Sailor. Hope things are well! 

[BusterTheDogIsMyFavKid]

my son is in the navy for almost a year now and he's miserable and wants out . He's finished boot camp but failed the first a school they had him in and since then he's just been waiting to start a different school but no word. His mental health is now a concern. He’s spoke to his command on more than one occasion and has even expressed recent suicidal thoughts. He’s so depressed now and that’s never been him. He’s reaching out for help but they’re failing to give him the support he needs. I’m scared and not sure at this point what we can even do?

[Shimmers]

I'm sorry you're going through this. The waiting to start a new school is not easy, but I hope he hangs in there. The military can be very slow when it comes to this. Has he tried the military crisis line? Military Crisis Line | Veterans Crisis Line   If you feel there hasn't been a proper response from his command and you are concerned about his mental and emotional behavior you can reach out to his unit as well. His leaders should be proactive with this. 

[BusterTheDogIsMyFavKid]

Thank you. I was actually in touch with military one source today who was able to send me some resources to look into, along with the military crisis line number to pass along to my son as well. It just so hard being a mom and every single day having your child express to you how miserable they are and how alone they feel. Just speaking on the topic right now brings me to tears. I know he's a grown adult now and this was his decision, I just feel like he was pushed and strongly influnced to get in over his head which is why he is in the situation he is today. It's not right. Our children shouldn't be tricked or manipulated into these types of things. These people have broken and belittled my child in ways that go aganist anything that's morally acceptable in my opinion. And I'm not one of those parents that babies and makes excuses for their kids, nor did my kids have an easy or "soft" upbringing. But when these men / women embarass and humiliate anyone in front of their peers, telling them they had the lowest tests scores in their class, asking them if they were failing purposely, then pulled them aside to tell them that "a blind person could've taken that same test and scored higher than you did", after that person did in fact study and make a valid attempt towards passing, that not only breaks my heart for what pain and embarassment i know my son felt, but it enrages me to know that this is the type of behavior they're subjected to! I don't blame my son or anyone else who's been treated as such, for developing a strong hatred towards our military altogether, because I too have developed the same feelings. And it's not fair that he signed up for Master At Arms, but they told him they needed him in sub, which was clearly way over his head, and even after that was proven, they still ignored his desire of trade, and he's now sitting back in great lakes, awaiting electrictains school, which he again has no interest or desire to learn. He didn't do well in school and his strongest area is purely the physical aspect of the military. They have done nothing to help him in life and have taught him nothing that he's going to benefit from. They have set him up for failure and have done nothing but waste his time, and their own at this point. And that's just sad because had they given him a real shot doing what he had dreamed of doing his whole life, I believe he would've been a major asset to our country. 

[B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet)]

BusterTheDogIsMyFavKid - I am so sorry to hear that your son is going through this and I'm sorry to say that this isn't uncommon.  Please look up "The Brandon Act" online and on facebook.  You can reach out to them and they can provide you some sources for help and also provide some guidance.  Don't let this go.  You know your son best...Shimmers gave you the info for the military crisis line - don't be afraid to reach out to them.  There is NO EXCUSE for his command to be doing this to him and to not be taking his mental health seriously.  Keep us updated please.

[B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet)]

Here's a link to some more info that I have posted on the main page:

Suicide Prevention Information

And here's info on the Brandon Act:

The Brandon Act

[Lara]

Oh gosh, I am so sorry this is happening too, for you both. I would have to agree with much of what you have said, as the same thoughts float on one side of my brain while the other side tries to rationalize all of this that are children experience, especially when they are going into the service right out of high school or in their early 20s with so little experience and clearly vulnerable in so many ways. I will pray for you and your son. I am glad you have some resources, that will be helpful. 
it might be helpful to you and your son if even to try and “calm” or normalize the situation to being like a still very new “job” — how it takes at least a year to get familiar with the position and what you’re doing and get to know what the expectations are. How it takes time, each time there is a change just like he’s experienced. It might be helpful to help him think about it from the standpoint of everyone sometimes has jobs that we don’t like, but there may be parts that work OK, or that are tolerable, as compared to other parts. It might be also helpful if he’s upfront and says to the instructors, I think I probably will need some help with this. What did they recommend that he do from the start, such as with the electrician school. That way, at least he’s telling them to begin with I’m gonna need some help. Let himself know that it’s OK that if all this is is constant effort to try, but it’s not working, maybe that will take him closer and closer to what will fit.  It’s a matter of just having to go through all these hoops, that this military wipes seems to create. 
As a mom, some thing that I sometimes have used with my son, is to tell him I’m thinking about him at certain times of the day as a routine. So that he can always know at 9 o’clock in the morning I am thinking about him. At noon, I’m sending him be strong vibes. At 5 o’clock I’m sending him stay calm. He’s got this thought. At 10 o’clock in the evening I’m sending him relax everything‘s OK tomorrow’s a new day thoughts. Him, knowing that you are consistently right there with him in the moment at these specific times might give him a sense of security and support. It’s also something very active that I liked doing as a mom To feel like I was helping my son through difficult times. I know it’s hard, hearing how difficult it is for him, I know how hard it would be for me to or is when that happens for me. Many hugs for you! 

[Lara]

Whoops!! 

just having to go through all these hoops, that this military LIFE seems to create.