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Comment by NitaSewBee on August 30, 2018 at 12:32am

Wow,  just got done reading what I wrote about  7yrs ago when   I lost my mom. That was some really intense feeling there.. I left N4M's for a few years, but I am  back now. Been doing some sewing, stressed, but  I am doing  okay.

Comment by NitaSewBee on May 4, 2011 at 7:18pm

 Its been 6 mos already.. how time flies. I ahve to read my previous post again to see how far I have come. How are you doing? How was the holidays? mine were okay.  Tomorrow is 6 mos since we buried her and Sunday is Mother's DAy.  with my  son on deployment and my mon  gone, not sure how things will go. But at least i know  she will always be in my heart...

 

What's been going on with you? How is your daughter doing?

Comment by NitaSewBee on December 22, 2010 at 2:38pm

Cora, I can't  find the words, so suffice to say, I feel the pain you go thru. I lost my mom on HAlloween of this year. Almost 2 months ago. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. I know she's no longer suffering and she's up ther  with my dad. But  somedays that doesn't help. I have a constant reminder in my living room. .. bins of fabric, piles of fabric, My mom was a crafter, she loved to sew, aprons.. adult and kids, all bunches of stuff. Up until 5 years ago she was always busy doing something. When my dad was really ill with cancer, that's what kept her afloat.  when he died, she was still sewing after that. and she still tried to sew even as she was losing her eyesight. In'05 she was diagnosed with lymphoma, and had radiation therapy to the eye area. Losing her eyesight was like a death sentence to her. it really did her in..  morale wise I  ended up with her fabric. It was ahrd to look at but I couldn't get rid of it.. not yet. Now I am trying to sew again myself. After  she died. I was on a rush for awhile, being optimistic.. telling myself and others I was okay with this.. but I was lying to myself. I ended up making pillowcases for the Lincoln, pillowcases for Christmas.. still not done there and Christmas is how many days away? I find myself being angry at her when she was still alive because although she was legally blind, she could still do other things. she could speak, hear...she couldn't walk though due to  breaking her hip. but she was still alive... well maybe not.. not  in the fashion that matter'd to her. Although she was still brathing kicking, bitching about things that matter'd to her, a part of her died already. That vibrant gutsy  woman.. as I knew her. was gone. Iwould visit her at the nursing home, and tell her about things I was making.. what my life was like, what the kids were doing.  When she passed away, I found myself to be relieved that  the anguish was over. In 2 days, we would have been going to the nursing home for the annual xmas eve bash. Its kinda bittersweet. this year...we will go to my sister's and eat and share memories.. and try not to cry. kinda like what we did 7 yrs ago when dad died..

 I want to thank you for setting up this group.. and for sharing about Helen. Its great to have a place to go where I can talk about my mom and not worry about dampening the  mood of the group. All my friends in my other groups are awesome.  as they have had losses in their lives too and understand where I am at. MAybe I will invite them to this group and the other grief one I belong to. So old is that little boy now. I bet your grandsons are so precious to you...Well I have 2 grandsons' 7 and  6mos. my oldest grandson was 4 mos old when my dad passed away, and the youngest was 4 mos old when my mom died...My parents died 7yrs and 5 days apart. Although they say mom died  on the 31st.. It was  that morning at 00:29 when they pronounced her passed.. I think she died on the 30th,  right after my  oldest sister and I left the room. I really think my dad came and got her..I had said a prayer earlier that day that either he (GOD ) fixes things so she can be comfortable or he takes her.. well he took her instead. My reaction when I heard was to shed some tears, then I came out of my room, my son and hubby got ready. I walked into my mom's room, looked at her. kissed her forhead, looked at my dad's picture, said "well now she's yours again" walked into the diningroom where she ate her meals, went into the freezer, got out a dixie cup of choc ice cream and went back and joined my sisblings. what a reaction.

well I hope this wasn't too long. I just wanted to share with you. Hope things are well for you. I know, how can things be well when in any given day, your heart breaks again. We just live day by day and thank God for the blessings.