Help! Joining soon and Parent troubles.

[AF Airman]

Hello im not a mother of a sailor but i though who better to ask for help with my parents than Mohers who are in the action and have gone through this with their daughters. I plan on joining the navy i have thought about it for a while just never told anybody because i wanted to make sure it was something i wanted before talking about it. Well i have thought about it ALOT and made my decision that i want to join the Navy. I was undecided for a while between Air Force and the Navy but i feel the navy is where i need to be. My parents main concern is that i will quit school and never return to college. But that is ONE of my reasong why i want to join. I feel the navy will teach me structure and get me into a studying habit that will help me in college. I also plan on using the benefits they offer towards school. But my main reason for joining is because i want to do something for me i want a career now and they give you hands on training. I want the experience i want to explore. I want to do something special and make a difference. Im ready to grow up and leave home and see what the navy has to offer. I love being at home and i love my parents so im not joining to get away from home which is another thing my parents think. I just need advice and alot of HELP on what to do and how to go about with this situation. Also if any of your daughters have any advice i would love to hear it. Or if you Mothers can tell me how your daughters navy life has gone and how they feel and what they think about it.

 

Thank you. I would really love to hear what you have to say. =)

[JM-ISmomx2]

Hi Future sailor. I am JM and I have a daughter that is training to be an IS(Inteligence Specialist) and a son who will be going to bootcamp in Sept, who will also be training to be an IS. What you said about wanting to learn a skill that doesn't mean waiting for you to finish 4 years of college is very common. My son, who is 19, has finished 1 year of college. While he is smart, he doesn't like taking classes that do not benefit the end career, so he has become frustrated with schooling. He joined the Navy because he can learn a career, one that he can also work in after the Navy, within a set period of time. Does that make sense to you and sound familiar? Yes he has the added benefit of having college $'s to fiinish any college classes he needs and has the ability to take classes while in the Navy. My daughter, who is currently in her speciality school is in Virginia. She has spent the past 7 months learning her skills. While some training is about 6 or so weeks other training can last up to a year. What I would say it the most difficult things my daughter has had to work through is: 1) missing family events (birthdays, holidays, etc),2) homesickness (even at 23), 3) finances. I hope this information helps. You can friend me if you want or need more information. Take care and good luck to our future sailor. Just remember we are all family here. JM

[Lisa Big E OS Mom]

Hi Future Sailor. I'm the proud Mom of a daughter who is an Operations Specialist on the USS Enterprise. JM and I became friends through Navy for Moms and now are real life friends sharing our daughters' adventures.

To me, it sounds like you're doing lots of thinking and going in for the right reasons. You'll learn an efficiency of thinking in the Navy. There are opportunities there you won't find elsewhere. My daughter had great grades in High School but the thought of college scared her. Her interest in the Navy surprised us but we were supportive. She also is interested in saving up for college after her Naval career.

I also have a younger daughter, just about to go into her Senior year who will go into the Air Force.

What you will find is a lot of people who will be so incredibly proud of your service and there is a huge community of parents, both here and in other organizations who can answer any and all questions your parents might have. I think JM and I have both found that nothing is too strange a question or too silly an emotion.

My daughter is pretty private with me about her feelings but now she is aboard the "Big E" she has access to email and can write a few times a week. And those two sentence emails are the best way to make Mom smile. I know she is in sea trials at the moment and is at sea for a couple of weeks and in port for a week or so. Each time I know she is leaving port, I feel sad and I always feel better when I know she is back on US soil.

There is a LOT of getting used to things for parents. Accepting "hurry up and wait" and "no news is good news" and expecting to get an email and going a week or two or three with nothing. Dynamics within the family change.

I've rambled a lot...but the VERY best to you...
Good luck...get in shape...

[P'nut & JAM]

My girl is an MA( master at arms-military police) She has wanted to be a police officer since she was in 9th grade. She took classes in college but it seemed to be taking forever, all class work and no hands on experience. When she said she was joining the Navy we where very proud, her dad was Navy! JAM has been in for almost 2 years and she loves it! So far she has been stationed in the states but soon she will go over seas. We will miss her but are happy for the broad education she is receiving in a field she really wants to do. This site has been a great place to make friends and to have people who understand what you are going through. It is a close knit family and I know your parents will find answers and comfort from this site. Have them talk to the recruiter also. I'm very proud of you for your willingness to join the service to help protect our Nation. I hope all goes well with you and your parents.

[dmarie]

Hi futuresailor,
I received that phone call a little over a year ago, "I'm thinking of joining the Navy". My daughter is older, married, with a college degree. I was shocked, to say the least. What won me over was the research that she had done to learn about the Navy and what she could expect from her four years in, along with reading information here on N4M. As she is married, I feel that her husband is the primary person she needs to be concerned about, but she has appreciated my support and interest in her training. She has only been in for seven months, and is still in training (the same location as JM), and we expect to hear this week where her first duty station will be. She likes everything so far.
If you can be calm and assertive, but not pushy, and explain everything and answer every question, I believe your parents will be fine with your decision. Their concern will be for your safety and well-being, as it should be. But in the event that they are not supportive, please remember, it is YOUR life, and it sounds like you have not made a snap decision, and have done your due dilligence. Good luck to you!

[Anna]

Hello futureSAILOR,
Wow - everything that has been said so far is all really good advise and words of wisdom. I agree with getting your parents to sit down and talk with the recruiter and both of you share all the information you've learned so far with them. Two things I will share with you - I have a son (now 31) that knew he wanted to go to college right out of high school and went 4 years and got his degree. He tried to find a good paying job in his field but just nothing worked out. He pretty much changed his "career" twice since getting out of high school and is now making good money doing something completely different from what he went to college for. A degree is nice and I do recommend getting a college degree. But I don't always believe that what you think you want to do after high school - college wise - is necessarily what you will end up with 10 years down the road. So going into the Navy and learning a trade while you get a chance to decide what you really want to do in your future is a good idea. And you can't beat the benefits, training, and security. Secondly, you do not have to wait until you get out in 4 years to start taking college courses. The Navy also has tuition assistance that you can use to take college courses while doing your Navy job. You can take on-line courses, night classes, and sometimes weekend classes. As long as you can fit it in your schedule. You can even take college courses if you are on a ship or overseas. Plus you will still have your GI Bill after you served your time. Or you can stay and make a career out of the Navy. The possibilities are endless!!!!
I wish you all the best as you continue with your journey. I hope everything works out for you. Do keep us posted - we would love to keep in touch with you - - we could all adopt you as our Navy daughter!!! There is always room for more!! And certainly tell your parents to get on here and talk to other parents about any and all concerns they may have. There is also a Navy Dads website, but Dads are always welcomed here!!!
Sorry this is so long - hope I didn't bore you to tears!!!!!!

[DC - G'mother of My Fav Sailor]

Hello, Future Sailor! Our oldest granddaughter joined the Navy a little over a year ago after earning a college degree. Personally, I know that it is tough but I do feel it is very good for her. She needs to learn assertiveness, to have confidence in her ability to do good work. Far too often, she will stand back and let less qualified people get a job when in fact she could do it better. I believe the Navy will teach her the leadership skills she needs.

I taught at the University of Florida for 21 years and part of my job was to advise students. Way too often, I would advise students to leave college and "dig a few ditches." If after a year or two of digging ditches, they discovered they loved doing that, then a college degree was not for them. On the other hand, if they did not like the limits that were being placed upon them because of the lack of a college degree then they could return to school with a much better sense of direction. I dropped out of college for 12 years and then learned that I did not like having jobs that I could well do taken by people just because they had a degree.

Pat mentioned that her daughter ended up on aviation because medical was not open and for Jenn it worked out well. My g'daughter is an aviation electronics technician because she could not get mass communications. She is very good at it but does not like it at all. While on board ship, you will be working long hard hours. It is much nicer if you really love your job. So my advice to you is to spend some time researching the rates. Have two or three identified as good possibilities before you go to MEPS. Do not feel pressured to make a snap decision. If you can't get the rates you want, then look at the possibilities and tell them you will get back to your recruiter. I can think of so many more rates that would better suit my g'daughter and the Navy would have benefited as well. It is wise to make it a win-win situation.

I agree with the advice given that you need to calmly and logically talk to your parents. You are making an economically sound decision. College is very expensive and far too many students are graduating with debt loads that will stay with them for a very long time. Remember college loans do not vanish with bankruptcy. Try explaining to your parents that there is a Seaman to Admiral program. If a sailor is accepted into this program, the Navy sends the sailor to OCS and then to college, at the Navy's expense, and the sailor can have a Navy career as an officer ... better pay and quarters on board ship. Another option for you to consider right now is whether you would like to go to college on a NROTC scholarship. A disadvantage to that approach is that if right now you are not ready for college, then you have not taken the time away from college. This is sometimes such an important thing to do.

If you make me a friend, I will be happy to answer specific questions for you or your parents. I wish you well in your decision.

Also, if you have credit card debt, try to get it paid down before you join the Navy. This can be important for some security clearances. When you get into the Navy, start setting money aside in a tax-sheltered account. You are young now but it will make a tremendous difference when you reach retirement age (my age).

[DC - G'mother of My Fav Sailor]

NavyMom, I totally agree that every young person should have a "service to your country" requirement. There are so many ways that could be accomplished. I also agree that the job is a tough one, at times very long hours in trying situations. As my g'daughter says you never get away from it. Officers are more able to get away from it but they, too, live in close quarters, especially on board ship.

FutureSailor, go to PBS and watch the series called "Carrier." Even if you don't end up on a carrier it is enlightening of what deployment may involve. Remember the Navy owns you 24/7 and you serve at its pleasure. In return you get a decent salary, good benefits, great experiences (okay, some not so great) and have the opportunity to develop a good work ethic. In addition, you get independence but still have accountibility.

[mbrown]

Hi,
My daughter celebrates four years of service this month with two years of service left on her contract. She has no regrets and may even extend her contract. I'm assuming you have talked with the recruiters from each of the military branches I know my daughter spent the better part of her Jr year of high school researching before she picked the Navy. Have you thought about what job you would like to have? It is to your benefit to go in with a contract for a specific job some offer bonus money. If you haven't done so already you will need to take the ASVAB to determine what jobs you are eligible for. You can then research the jobs and talk with the recruiter to see if there are openings. You mentioned something about quitting school so I'm not sure if you were referring to HS or college. If you are still in HS you have to graduate before you can start your service. If you are in college you might want to consider joining after your finished there are advantages for doing it that way something else to talk to your recruiter about. Also it is possible to take class online or at a local collage my daughter has done both and has earned her associates. She plans to continue with her education while still in the service and when she leaves. You can assure your parents once you have completed boot camp and your A school being in the military is just a job. You will eventually be able to have your own place if you want you have your days off and your leave (vacation) I hope this was helpful.

[AF Airman]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE. I graduated High Schoo two years ago in 20. I have been going to college since. I have enough credits to enter as an E2. My uncle who was in the service suggested I do two more years of college and enter as an officer but honestly thats not what I want. I also heard about the NROTC program but thats not for me i want to go in now and get my navy career started. I want a break from college because i haven been doing too well. I do plan to keep going to college while im in th navy. I feel the navy will teach me a lot of things especially how to be strucurd and organized which I feel will help me do better in school. I also want the experience and the trainin the navy has to offer i want a career NOW. I took my ASVAB today and im going back next week to take my physical nd see what they have to offer. My recruiter and i are going over the jobs i qualify for on monday so taht will give me time to do som research. The job i really want is HM (hospital corpsman) i was also looking into legal or desk job type. Since i work at a dental office now i do a lot of paper work and im very good at it. My parents arent really listening to me on this and my dad is the type that is always right. Its very hard to talk to them. Eventually they will understand that i am serious about this and they will just have to accept it and support me. My mom has barely spoken to me in the past few days. So im doing this on my own and my uncles who were in he service before are walking me through the process. My dad kind of thinks im doing this because my ex boyfriend is in the navy. Well he broke up with me because i want to enlist and he is defenatly not why im doing this even though he is the reason im so well informed with how everything works. Im sad were not together but im happy im getting something out of this and im thankful for having him in my life and having learned so much because of him. I havent really spoken to my family (aunts, uncles, cousins)about my decisionand im scared to do so because they are all so against joining the military and have a mindset that EVERYONE should go to college. But im doing this to better myself and because its what i want and if i have to do this alone i will im not going to let anyone hold me back.

[DC - G'mother of My Fav Sailor]

I hope you will "hang out" on this list and let us know how things go. It's hard to move out on your own, especially without the support of your family. But sometimes you do what you have to do.

I used to ask my students to sit down and list the elements of what they would consider to be an ideal job. This is not a specific job but characteristics of a job, e.g., do you want to work with people; do you want a desk job? You mentioned your strengths, good at paper work. This will help you evaluate possible rates in the Navy.

We care about you. Do encourage your Mom to join us here because we can give her support as you go through BC.

[Anna]

futureSailor,
It seems you have spent a great deal of time thinking about this. If you are two years out of high school you are probably the same age as my two daughters. One is serving now and went in right out of high school - she knew she wasn't ready for college. My other daughter has been in college for two years and is waiting for final acceptance into the Navy through the BDCP - Baccalaureate Degree Completion Program. For those family members who feel young adults must go to college to get a degree just let them know the Navy has so many programs available to get a degree - even if you don't want to become an officer afterwards. I'll be keeping you in my prayers, and please stay in touch - either here or on the group page - and let us know how you're doing in the process. I will leave you with one little piece of advice tho' - - if you are looking into a desk job do not let your recruiter talk you into being a Personnel Specialist (PS). That is the rate my daughter is in and she cannot make advancement. She's passed the test 3 times and they just never have enough billets to advance 3rd class petty officers to. The Navy had over 500 test passers on the last cycle and only 39 sailors advanced!! Plus they are turning that job over to civilians and computers, so think Yeoman (YN) if you want but not PS!!!

[AF Airman]

I told my dad how i did on the ASVA and that next week im going in for my physical an to get my job and sign my contract and wel he didnt take it very well. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. He keeps tellin me to keep going to college and that i dont need the military to get a degree. I know i dont need th navy to get a degree but its something i want to do and i want to experince. Im choosing to get to a degree through my navy career. I keep telling my parents that just because im joining doesnt mean im going to stop college the navy offers alot of benefits for me to continue college and i DO plan to take advantage of that. He basically told me to do whatever i wanted but hes not going to stand behind me and not to come back without a degree in anything but something. I dont want to hurt my parents in the process. But i cant let this stop me from doing something i want to do. Im going through with this and im just going to hope for the best and i know one day ill bring my dad that degree. In the mean time he can not support me and be upset with me for the next few years or Hopefully eventually he will get over it and help me through and talk to me again. For now all i have is myself.