Just missing her...

[katrina]

Hi Ladies,

 

I'm relatively new to this site and now I'm wondering if it's help more than hurting. I have cried every day since I joined. I read everything that everyone writes in the few groups that I've joined (Michigan moms, Japan moms, USS Cowpens and this one) and I still can't escape the saddness. I haven't seen my daughter in over a year and I miss her so much it can be paralyzing at times. Don't get me wrong. I am SOOOooo proud of her and I support her decision to serve, in fact she will probably be career and I couldn't be happier, I just want to see her!!

I have a daughter in the Air Force also, she lives in Idaho and seems to deploy regularly to the desert but for some reason I don't go psycho about her. Maybe it's because we talk on a regular basis or something, I'm not sure. But my Navy girl, on the other side of the world, hasnt been home in forever, I just cry when I think of her.

Am I going crazy?

[katrina]

air fare to japan is beyond my means unfortunately, but thanks for the suggestion.

[Marcia Shea's Mom(Ship3, Div367)]

Consider getting a Skype account it helped me when my son was in Iraq and now he is in Korea and my daughter is going to use it starting Sunday. It will allow you to see her if you have a web camera for your computer.

[Oneofalot]

Yes, you are not going crazy. I even cried when my daughter left and I still do. She has been in for over 2 years and I only get to see her a little bit. Right now she is on deployment and this actually will be our 1st Christmas away from each other. So go a head and cry it is ok. It helps with the pent up feeling you are having.

[Anna]

Katrina,

I can only agree with the other two comments - you are not alone in this!!  I also have two daughters and both of them are in the Navy but totally different situations.  They are twins but the youngest one went right into the Navy from high school.  Her sister went to college and then about a year and a half ago she entered into the Navy in an officer program called BDCP.  She is enlisted but is still going to college in Ohio and then will go to OCS and two years of flight school to become an Naval Flight Officer.  I cried buckets when the first daughter left and I still miss her like crazy.  I've only been able to see her three times since she left over 3 years ago.  She has finished her stint in the Navy but is still living in WA because she is married and her husband is stationed there.  My hubby and I just reserved our tickets to fly to WA to be with her for Christmas.  We haven't spent Christmas with her since '07!!!  And I know the time is coming when my other daughter will be off doing her Navy thing, and we won't get to see her as often as I do now; even tho we live in separate states. 

I wish I had the secret answer as to how to handle the sadness but the reality is - we just have to feel what we feel!!!  It's not wrong, or crazy - - it's real and us Navy Moms understand it 100%!!  All I can say is keep talking to other Navy Moms because it is an outlet where others can relate and share with you.  I do think it helps to know you are not alone!!  I too am so proud of my girls, but I can still get very sad sometimes.  I'll be here if you want to talk!!  Blessings to both your daughters for their service and big Navy Mom hugs to you {{{ . . }}}

[Mrs. Shalamar (Ship 11 Div 115)]

Well, as the moms before me have said your are certainly not going crazy ~ my daughter has only be gone for 10 months she's been in Chicago & now Texas.  We talk daily & I still find myself crying at least twice a week.  She's an only child and I know without doubt it's just that I love her so much & that's the same with you too I'm sure.  If there is a way you can work out communication with her I'm sure this would help.  I will keep you in prayer ~ be strong.

[Lisa (Olivia Div 09-Ship 331)]

Hi Katrina,

Its normal to cry. I still cry and my daughter is in A-school.  Her leave time will be spent with her boyfriend whom she met in Navy DEP.  He went off to BC last January and is now stationed in Norfolk.  So if I want to see her I'll need to travel to her.  The big shocker is she and her Navy BF decided to get married --- this December.  Her initial reason for enlisted has had an about face since she unexpectedly fell in love.  

Anyway, what I keep telling myself is that this is now her life/her journey.  I can still guide, support, and love her but I can no longer expect her to "come home" when there is a leave.  I remember when she was in BC and I cried tons and said to a friend of mine one day, "is this it?  is this what being a mom is about? you love and nurture our baby girls and then all of a sudden gone!?!"  It was a tough reality check.  Our birdies need to leave the nest and build a life of their own.  I try not to show her the sorrow I feel because I don't want her to feel as if she made the wrong decision by following her calling and "leaving the nest".

Mom's have a bond with our children.  It is natural to cry.  Counter with a good thought about your daughter and think about seeing her again and the joy of that reunion.  It makes the sadness go away faster.

 

[Lisa (Olivia Div 09-Ship 331)]

This is driving me insane with the 'young love'.  She was so gong ho for the Navy and was perfectly poised to make this her career.  She had is all laid out.  Now, she's on the verge of letting it go.  She is still in A school and I've told her she needs to see it through and get into her career before she makes a decision.  I don't hear about male sailors giving it up to follow a female sailor. She's planning on getting married when she is on leave, Dec. 20. 

Congrats on the new baby girl.  That is exciting but it will be a challenge as well.  When do we, as mom's, ever get a break from worry?

 

[Lisa (Olivia Div 09-Ship 331)]

My daughter is just 18.  She was so focused and now the young love has fogged her brain.  She's having a bit of a tough time in school as well.  She is in a tech program.  I think the combination of missing home and family plus the holidays coming is making it more difficult.  It seams she is going through a grieving process of not being around family. I remember being away from my family the first time for holidays.  It was difficult and I cried a lot.  My daughter has been crying daily for about a week now.  I'm checking into flights to visit her the first of December.  I think the financial investment to see her before she gets married on Dec. 20 will be worth it.

 

[Lisa (Olivia Div 09-Ship 331)]

Thanks for the support. You are so spot on!

[katrina]

Thank you all for your comments, prayers, encouragement and words of advice. I started reading them and had to get up and grab a box of kleenex...I'm such a basket case! It's good to know that I'm not alone though, so , thank you all.

I'm going to share a kind of sad story and I hope that it might help some of you. One of my other daughters (I have 4) is in the Air Force. She went to BC in San Antonio and then A school there, and met an AF boy. They "fell in love" and against my advice, got married a few months later. She finished her A school and got her orders to Mountain Home, Idaho. He intentionally flunked 3 exams and got kicked out of the AF after she graduated. She moved to Idaho and he promised that he'd be there in a few days after he got his affairs together. He never came. Her recruiter warned her before she left for BC NOT to get married immediately following BC as this is the most stressful experience that she will probably have been through, and when you react to stress in that manner, it never works out. Boy, was he right. He threw some statistic at us that was like "90% of all marriages within 3 months of BC to a fellow solider/airman/sailor ends in divorce within 1 year.

Please tell your daughters to be careful, mine got her heart broken, bad. Once the  adrenaline/stress of the experience that they went through wore off, they found that there really was nothing there.

BTW, she is fine now, engaged to a recently retired Master Sargent, happy as a clam, and deploying to Afghanistan in a few weeks.

My daughter wouldn't listen. I understand that she needed to make her own mistakes, but, boy, that was a really difficult one to watch happening. I'm sure your kids are smarter/more obedient/less impulsive than mine, but if not, please encourage them to wait until their stress level returns to normal and their brains start working again.

 

[Lisa (Olivia Div 09-Ship 331)]

Wow Katrina, would you mind if I share your story with my daughter?  I'm planning a trip in a few weeks to Pensacola to get a pulse on what is going on in her head.  Sharing the statistic is fact and unarguable and not just parent saying, "woooo, slow down there".  I'm wondering if I should reach out to her recruiter and see if maybe they would follow up on her or maybe I should suggest they both talk to the recruiter.  Thoughts?

[katrina]

PLEASE share that with your daughter, that's why I wrote it. Her Recruiter actually got married immediately after BC and his lasted 2 weeks. His advice was from personal experience, and her experience completely supported what he had told her. Too bad she wouldn't listen to either of us.

Getting married right after BC is like a car accident; you are on an adrenaline rush during and immediately following the crash, but when you wake up the next morning and the adrenaline has subsided, you realize how sore you are.

The only thing that my daughter and her "husband" had in common was the stress of BC. Once that was over, I think that he realized before she did, that they didn't have any kind of foundation to their relationship besides BC.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes with her.